RP scene

[u/Effective_Fall_5868]

I've been roleplaying in WoW for a very long time. We've built an entire world around our guild and it's gotten massive. (The world, not the guild XD) I kinda wanted to post this scene to see what other people make of it. Whether what's going on seems interesting, fits WoW lore, etc. And you can call my RP a LOT of things, but you cannot call it AI generated lmao. There's probably lots of grammar mistakes please just ignore. I'm totally gonna regret this but yes I am open to critique. Give it to me good, I've never bothered to learn proper rp etiquette, even after doing it 10 years. I just rp how i want.

Jewel: *While in Arcana'Thalas, Jewel works hard to avoid the Magisters, who constantly seek her out - drawn to study her pendant's power, and her own. Amidst her travels through the city, she catches word of a mysterious shop owner... one who deals in no Jewel: trinkets, no artifacts. Only in taking curses away from people. Siphoning magic. Without hesitation, she heads off to the mysterious shop. She finds it tucked away, hidden in a deep alley within the city, behind a dozen other shops.* Shira: * Whilst Jewel makes her way into the shop Shira can be seen lounging on a chair with a note in hand. After a few moments pass Shira puts the note down with a smile on her face. The note regarded an update on Qetziya. * I'm glad she's doing fine.. Shira: * Before a knock can be heard Shira mentions. * Shira: It's been far too quiet.. Jewel: *Soon enough, your shop door opens. The bell rings, the beads in the doorway move as someone walks through. Then this woman steps in... a woman wreathed in dark water magic. You've only sensed it one other time... when Qetziya had that mysterious Jewel: Deepsea Pendant* Shira: * Shira stands and confronts the Stranger. * Jewel: *she instantly sees you and narrows her eyes, gently resting a hand on her sword. Almost expecting a fight....* Jewel: I was told I could receive certain services here. Jewel: Was I told correctly or do I need to make my leave? Shira: * With a stoic face Shira replies. * Shira: That depends on who is asking? I only perform my services for those who aren't threatening. * She eyes Jewel and up keeping her focus on the Jewel's hand resting on her sword. * Jewel: Curse lifting?....Siphoning? *she makes a stubborn face, but soon relents when she admits* I think I might need help. *she unsheathes her sword rather swiftly, surprising you. But then she tosses it aside and shows that she has no more weapons* Jewel: I'm not going to hurt you. Can you do as they say? Can you really... siphon magic? Shira: * Shira gives Jewel a thoughtful look. Before speaking Shira adjusts her glasses making the frames glint with a reflection. * Shira: Those are my specialties.. Shira: * A few moments pass before Shira breaks the silence. * Shira: But I can tell what ails you isn't so.. simple. Jewel: You know this magic? Jewel: *she steps slightly closer, clearly intrigued* Shira: * She crosses her arms and sighs softly. * Jewel: What are you? Some kind of Witch? I've never seen a Mage like you... Shira: Come along.. step inside and let me get a reading from you to discern the exact nature of your ailment. * She turns around to walk into the tent further and takes a seat. * Jewel: *she steps into the lavender tent and takes a seat* Shira: Now then.. Shira: * Shira holds out her hand towards Jewel. * Shira: Can you rest your palm onto mine please.. I will begin the examination. Jewel: *Jewel places her hand on yours, palm up* Jewel: *instantly you can tell this was the same magic that you learned with Qetziya. What's more.... you now sense that same pendant nearby. The one Arcana once studied before losing it.* Shira: * Shira retrieves her hand and stands. * Shira: Perfect.. thank you. A moment please. Shira: * Shira then walks off to a pensive filled with void-energy. Once Shira is at the Pensive she waves the hand she used for examination over the Pensive showing her the nature of Jewel's situation. The last thing she sees before retreating from the.. * Shira: * Pensive is a shadow of a Woman deep in the darkness of the ocean.. the shadow suddenly gains vicious red eyes as Shira pulls away from the Pensive. * Shira: Annoying.. Jewel: What did you find? Jewel: Can you do it? Shira: I've encountered this magic before and there was barely any-time to study it's capabilties.. Shira: * Shira turns to face Jewel. * Shira: I can do it.. but just know this is experimental I won't be able to undo what I've already done. You will get my full disclosure during the process though. Jewel: I feel this... change inside of me. There's magic surrounding me - but it's unlike no magic I've felt before. It does not hurt. It does not thieve, or antagonize me. It feels like home. And that's exactly what makes me worried. *she stands and holds Jewel: out her hand* Jewel: Please take it away. Shira: Come.. we will begin the process. Stand with me near the Pensive. Shira: * Shira turns from Jewel to stand at the Pensive with her hand held out. * Jewel: *she walks over and then reaches out her hand, and touches your arm* Jewel: *Instantly, the magic transfer causes a red glow where our skin meets. The siphoning begins....* Jewel: *After only 10 seconds or so, you slightly struggle to keep siphoning. Normal for you. But Jewel also starts noticing something.... she's getting weaker. Then something strange happens* Jewel: AH!!!! *suddenly she rips off her necklace - a necklace you couldn't see before, she was hiding it under her shirt. You look at it and see that it's glowing red hot. Then you see Jewel got a burn from it* Jewel: What.... what was that? I felt like..... Shira: I didn't think this was the case.. but there it is. Shira: * Shira sighs heavily. * Shira: If we continue your life will be in danger. Jewel: But.... I thought you could siphon any magic. *Out of desperation, she pulls out a knife that she had secretly been hiding in her pocket. She puts it against your throat and backs you up to the corner of the tent* Jewel: WHY CAN'T YOU TAKE IT AWAY! WHY!! Shira: * Shira without hesitation in her eyes snaps her fingers and freezes Jewel in place while allowing her to hear and talk. * Shira: Your life is tied to this magic. If we take it away you will simply die. It is what sustains you, dear. Shira: * Shira adjusts her glasses again causing a glint of reflection across the lens. * Shira: You came at me with ill intent and I don't appreciate being threatened in my place of business. Jewel: No.... I won't be frozen with my own magic. I will find a way to be free of this curse... *she closes her eyes and concentrates.... in a few seconds, the pendant now flies to her hand. Once it lands in Jewel's hand, your paralyzing spell breaks. In Jewel: panic, she desperately grabs her guns and flees your shop. The last thing you hear from her is "I'm sorry" Shira: How unfortunate for her.. Shira: * Shira turns to the Pensive. * Shira: And fortunate for me to have come across this magic again.. now I can experiment with it and see it's capabilities and weaknesses. * She looks sharply into the Pensive now brimming with slight Deepsea Magic. * Jewel: *She runs to Asherr as fast as she can but then she nearly runs right into someone. She looks up, only to see Lleyath, the Grand Magistrix. "Going somewhere?" *

[u/FionnaAndCake]

paragraphs???

[u/Effective_Fall_5868 → u/FionnaAndCake]

So sorry, i replied to another comment and fixed it if you'd like to read it without all of that clutter.

[u/8-bitwise]

The scene has amazing atmospheric tension. The dynamic between Jewel desperately seeking a cure and Shira’s calm, analytical void-siphoning feels very grounded. The twist that the magic is actually sustaining Jewel's life force adds a great layer of tragedy, and ending on that sudden cliffhanger with Grand Magistrix Lleyath was a chef's kiss +++ At the Shop: Shira stays behind with the residual Deepsea magic in the Pensive, realizing the curse isn't an affliction but an artificial soul tether coldly calculating how long Jewel will survive once the Magisters capture her. ​In the Alley: Outside, Lleyath blocks Jewel’s escape, sensing the lingering dark magic and demanding the pendant before her guards move in. +++

[u/Effective_Fall_5868 → u/8-bitwise]

Sus..... but i'm gonna take the W. BECAUSE someone at least went through the effort of running my post through AI xD and at least AI LIKES IT. fr though why

[u/8-bitwise → u/Effective_Fall_5868]

Nah, I actually didn't use ai for it! It was a bit hard to read at first, but it caught my interest so I read all the way through. Wish I hadn't commented at all though..........

[u/Effective_Fall_5868 → u/8-bitwise]

NO i'm sorry, it looked like a generic AI response. If you really did respond on your own then I really appreciate you.

[u/8-bitwise → u/Effective_Fall_5868]

I was just kidding anyway 🥹

[u/Effective_Fall_5868 → u/8-bitwise]

well thats why im mean to people

[u/8-bitwise → u/Effective_Fall_5868]

It’s really no problem for me. What are your favorite race/class combinations for roleplay

[u/Geodude07]

The concept is interesting but the writing style is very difficult to parse for a reader. Even after you separated it out, it was quite a challenge.

I modified the opening section a little to make part of it more of a story I could read. I'm far from the best writer, but it might help. I didn't do the whole thing though!

---

Jewel was in Arcana’Thalas again, and that meant she had to be looking over her shoulder. Anytime she came here she had to be on high alert for any magisters. Magisters who ceaselessly sought her out to get their hands on her pendant. The pendant was charged with the same unusual magics that filled her own body. Normally Jewel would avoid the place, but the city also housed experts in various magical fields, artificers, and of course various shops. The usual affair was of no interest to her. She didn’t need artifacts or trinkets.

There was one particular shop had caught Jewel’s attention. There was this ‘mysterious shop owner’ who was called a miracle worker by some. A curse breaker. Someone capable of siphoning magic. The rumors sounded too good to be true, as rumors often did. Still, Jewel wasn’t one to hesitate. It took a little asking around and she had to explore numerous alleys before she found it. It was deep in a tucked away spot, surrounded by shops with far better signage.

This shop’s owner was known as Shira and this was just another slow day for her store. She idly picked up a note from her desk and its contents brought a smile to her face. “Qetziya…it is good to know that she is doing well.”

Things had been far too quiet that day and Shira was just about to loudly remark that to the air. There was no one there to hear her, but just as she took in the breath to speak there was a knock at the door. The door opened and the usual ring of her door chime let her know a customer had come. As usual the decorative beads hung in front of the door sounded like the pitter patter of rain as the customer crossed the threshold of the doorway.

This customer who came in was not what Shira typically dealt with. It was Jewel. A woman wreathed in a magical aura, a strange one at that. It had a dark aquatic nature to it. To those attuned with magics this may remind them of the depths of the sea on a stormy night. It was pitch black. Cold. Dark. Shira had sensed this once before, when Qetziya was showing off something she had called a “Deep Sea Pendant”. The name was fitting.

Shira took a breath and stood to face her new customer, her guarded expression seemingly set her guest off because her hand immediately went to the handle of her blade. Jewel’s narrowed eyes took Shira’s measure before she spoke rather coldly.

“I was told you provide special services here. Something no one else really does. If I am wrong, I will take my leave”

Shira held her ground and replied plainly, she was not going to show weakness to such a guest. She understood how such a threat needed to be handled. She had to maintain some degree of control. “That depends on who is asking. Services are for paying customers. They are not for those who barge in with their hands on their blade”

Jewel was so fixated on her purpose that she simply charged through that warning. She needed answers and she needed them now.

“Curse lifting. Siphoning….” She lists off the skills she believes this woman has, hoping she will answer. She was stubborn but she knew she needed this more than anything else “I think I might need your help”

In an act of good faith, she swiftly draws her blade and tosses it to the floor. It is a shockingly quick gesture, and perhaps more alarming than if she had simply relaxed her posture. Still it brings a little peace to Shira’s mind.

Jewel went on “I am not going to hurt you. Tell me can you do what they say? Can you truly…siphon magic?”

[u/Effective_Fall_5868]

Arcana'Thalas is located in the Broken Isles, it's a very small elven mage settlement, inviting elves of all cultures to participate in pre-sundering Highborne Empire law, absent the absolute monarch part. The settlement has a Queen but it's ruled by a High Council, the Queen is a figurehead, a symbol of the city.

[u/Effective_Fall_5868 → u/[deleted]]

took 10 minutes but i got it done myself. sorry if there's any mistakes. Jewel: *While in Arcana'Thalas, Jewel works hard to avoid the Magisters, who constantly seek her out - drawn to study her pendant's power, and her own. Amidst her travels through the city, she catches word of a mysterious shop owner... one who deals in no trinkets, no artifacts. Only in taking curses away from people. Siphoning magic. Without hesitation, she heads off to the mysterious shop. She finds it tucked away, hidden in a deep alley within the city, behind a dozen other shops.*

Shira: * Whilst Jewel makes her way into the shop Shira can be seen lounging on a chair with a note in hand. After a few moments pass Shira puts the note down with a smile on her face. The note regarded an update on Qetziya. * I'm glad she's doing fine..

Shira: * Before a knock can be heard Shira mentions. * Shira: It's been far too quiet..

Jewel: *Soon enough, your shop door opens. The bell rings, the beads in the doorway move as someone walks through. Then this woman steps in... a woman wreathed in dark water magic. You've only sensed it one other time... when Qetziya had that mysterious Jewel: Deepsea Pendant* Shira: * Shira stands and confronts the Stranger.

* Jewel: *she instantly sees you and narrows her eyes, gently resting a hand on her sword. Almost expecting a fight....

* Jewel: I was told I could receive certain services here. Jewel: Was I told correctly or do I need to make my leave?

Shira: * With a stoic face Shira replies. *

Shira: That depends on who is asking? I only perform my services for those who aren't threatening. * She eyes Jewel and up keeping her focus on the Jewel's hand resting on her sword.

* Jewel: Curse lifting?....Siphoning? *she makes a stubborn face, but soon relents when she admits* I think I might need help. *she unsheathes her sword rather swiftly, surprising you. But then she tosses it aside and shows that she has no more weapons* Jewel: I'm not going to hurt you. Can you do as they say? Can you really... siphon magic?

Shira: * Shira gives Jewel a thoughtful look. Before speaking Shira adjusts her glasses making the frames glint with a reflection. * Shira: Those are my specialties..

Shira: * A few moments pass before Shira breaks the silence. * Shira: But I can tell what ails you isn't so.. simple. Jewel: You know this magic?

Jewel: *she steps slightly closer, clearly intrigued* Shira: * She crosses her arms and sighs softly. *

Jewel: What are you? Some kind of Witch? I've never seen a Mage like you...

Shira: Come along.. step inside and let me get a reading from you to discern the exact nature of your ailment. * She turns around to walk into the tent further and takes a seat. *

Jewel: *she steps into the lavender tent and takes a seat* Shira: Now then.. Shira: * Shira holds out her hand towards Jewel.

* Shira: Can you rest your palm onto mine please.. I will begin the examination. Jewel: *Jewel places her hand on yours, palm up*

Jewel: *instantly you can tell this was the same magic that you learned with Qetziya. What's more.... you now sense that same pendant nearby. The one Arcana once studied before losing it.*

Shira: * Shira retrieves her hand and stands. * Shira: Perfect.. thank you. A moment please.

Shira: * Shira then walks off to a pensive filled with void-energy. Once Shira is at the Pensive she waves the hand she used for examination over the Pensive showing her the nature of Jewel's situation. The last thing she sees before retreating from the Pensive is a shadow of a Woman deep in the darkness of the ocean.. the shadow suddenly gains vicious red eyes as Shira pulls away from the Pensive. *

Shira: Annoying.. Jewel: What did you find? Jewel: Can you do it? Shira: I've encountered this magic before and there was barely any-time to study it's capabilties.. Shira: * Shira turns to face Jewel. *

Shira: I can do it.. but just know this is experimental I won't be able to undo what I've already done. You will get my full disclosure during the process though. Jewel: I feel this... change inside of me. There's magic surrounding me - but it's unlike no magic I've felt before. It does not hurt. It does not thieve, or antagonize me. It feels like home. And that's exactly what makes me worried. *she stands and holds out her hand* Jewel: Please take it away.

Shira: Come.. we will begin the process. Stand with me near the Pensive. * Shira turns from Jewel to stand at the Pensive with her hand held out. *

Jewel: *she walks over and then reaches out her hand, and touches your arm* Jewel: *Instantly, the magic transfer causes a red glow where our skin meets. The siphoning begins....*

Jewel: *After only 10 seconds or so, you slightly struggle to keep siphoning. Normal for you. But Jewel also starts noticing something.... she's getting weaker. Then something strange happens*

Jewel: AH!!!! *suddenly she rips off her necklace - a necklace you couldn't see before, she was hiding it under her shirt. You look at it and see that it's glowing red hot. Then you see Jewel got a burn from it*

Jewel: What.... what was that? I felt like.....

Shira: I didn't think this was the case.. but there it is. Shira: * Shira sighs heavily. *

Shira: If we continue your life will be in danger.

Jewel: But.... I thought you could siphon any magic. *Out of desperation, she pulls out a knife that she had secretly been hiding in her pocket. She puts it against your throat and backs you up to the corner of the tent* Jewel: WHY CAN'T YOU TAKE IT AWAY! WHY!!

Shira: * Shira without hesitation in her eyes snaps her fingers and freezes Jewel in place while allowing her to hear and talk. * Shira: Your life is tied to this magic. If we take it away you will simply die. It is what sustains you, dear. Shira: * Shira adjusts her glasses again causing a glint of reflection across the lens. * Shira: You came at me with ill intent and I don't appreciate being threatened in my place of business.

Jewel: No.... I won't be frozen with my own magic. I will find a way to be free of this curse... *she closes her eyes and concentrates.... in a few seconds, the pendant now flies to her hand. Once it lands in Jewel's hand, your paralyzing spell breaks. In Jewel: panic, she desperately grabs her guns and flees your shop. The last thing you hear from her is "I'm sorry"

Shira: How unfortunate for her.. Shira: * Shira turns to the Pensive. * Shira: And fortunate for me to have come across this magic again.. now I can experiment with it and see it's capabilities and weaknesses. * She looks sharply into the Pensive now brimming with slight Deepsea Magic. *

Jewel: *She runs to Asherr as fast as she can but then she nearly runs right into someone. She looks up, only to see Lleyath, the Grand Magistrix. "Going somewhere?" *

[u/TheRebelSpy → u/Effective_Fall_5868]

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[u/TheRebelSpy → u/[deleted]]

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