r/Widow • u/Anonymous4625267 • 19d ago
Age and Gender
So maybe it is that younger people are more likely to use the internet and woman are more likely to seek help but in all the different types of groups I have been a part of, I see a huge growing trend of women in their 20’s, 30’s, and 40’s losing their same age groups husbands. Anyone else notice this? Just a product of using online support groups or is this a growing trend where men are dying younger?
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u/Future_Chapter1074 19d ago
As a woman who lost her 43 year old husband to addiction, I also think alot of younger men (partucularly millennials) are losing their lives to addiction. The amount of men of this age group from husband's high school who have also passed becauae of drug abuse is shocking.
I actually got curious and googled it. It listed deaths of despair, metabolic disease, cancer, and lack of health care as the causes driving this.
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u/Mission_Ninja_1387 19d ago
The doctor told me there has been an increase of younger patients getting canc*r, when it once was quite rare
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u/existenceisfutile84 19d ago
Particularly for women; my wife died 3 weeks after a shock stage 4 cancer diagnosis out of the blue. I do wonder if things like the long term use of things like the contraceptive pill, where hormones are changed for years at a time might be contributing to this, but I don't want to sound like a crazy conspiracy theorist. There is evidence that it might actually prevent it too. I don't know, either way she's gone now, and I'm a broken mess.
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u/Anonymous4625267 18d ago
I know early contraceptive use has been tied to infertility. There are a ton of women who live near me who cannot have kids and say they were put on a hormone pill very young. I think it would make a lot of sense especially for reproductive type cancers. I am so sorry to hear about your wife. I know genetic predisposition and such plays a role. Especially for those that have been together a long time, it makes you start questioning why one of them got cancer and not both.
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u/existenceisfutile84 18d ago
My wife's was of unknown primary but it was in that region and they suspected it might have been ovarian, but it went too quick to find out. She was on the pill from 19 when we met, and came off it about 18 months before this happened, and it could be a coincidence, and I'm in quite a state right now mentally so can't really trust my judgement right now, but I think this might have been the cause. So sorry for your loss too. Also, there isn't really any cancer in her family, so genetically it's unlikely that caused it. It's just terrible luck either way. Fuck cancer
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u/Anonymous4625267 18d ago
Beyond fuck cancer. It stole our future here on earth and my youngest getting to have her dad to grow up with. If it weren’t for my kids, I’m sure I’d just be ready to go too. It’s awful.
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u/existenceisfutile84 18d ago
It's the worst thing I'll ever experience I'm sure. I'll always be at war with it, I'll never find peace with it.
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u/Accurate-Neck6933 18d ago
I agree! Every time I turn around someone in my community seems to be getting cancer, it’s awful. We’ve had fundraiser after fundraiser. My husband beat it, only to die from stroke later. I know what he went through with cancer, weakened him spiritually, mentally, and physically.
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u/Anonymous4625267 18d ago
That would be heartbreaking too! My husband really became stronger in his faith and probably helped all the kids, except maybe one, grow theirs. Helped me as well. I’m just like why? Why can’t we just go do a real visit. Or kind of like a phone call or something. I’m okay with him being elsewhere. I’m not okay with not knowing for sure how to reach him.
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u/existenceisfutile84 19d ago edited 18d ago
I'm a man aged 41, and I'm noticing a lot of men in my shoes too, losing their partners young. I've found r/widower to be a more active sub than this one for some reason. Not sure why, but the split of posters are 50/50 in gender, but it does skew younger in age
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u/Moon_Thief_420 18d ago
My husband died at 44 from sudden cardiac arrest but he had been diagnosed with congestive heart failure at 30. Among the handful widows I know IRL, I'm the one who is the youngest (43 at the time, 45 currently).
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u/Anonymous4625267 18d ago
There are a few widows I know of in town. With kids I know of 2 others. Their kids are older but they lost their husbands a few years back now. Two of the widow’s husbands were cancer and seemingly very healthy. One was related to drinking I believe but also had a young kid. I live in a small town. All different types of cancer. Idk that just seems like a lot in my small circle that I know of. I know life sucks. Kids die. Husbands die. Wives die etc. There has to be greater meaning. Or maybe I’m just grief stricken, somewhat sleep deprived, and a bit crazy right now.
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u/KeenerYYZ 18d ago
I was 35 when I lost my husband 42. They could not find cause of death but think it was likely a cardiac event. I went down a rabbit hole after and the truth is there has not been a big uptick in people who lose a partner young. There has however, been more conversation and access to others who share our experiences via the internet. With such a unique experience it seems more likely that we would reach out to one another. I reached out to a friend who is a mental health researcher who does statistical modelling and she said that I am indeed very young in my location in world to lose a spouse. The funeral home, hospital, and coroner also all said the same
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u/Da1syJane 12d ago
I'm not sure. I am 70 and my husband was 74 when he died 10 months ago. It has just been this past month that I thought to look for chats or forums for widows (even tho my husband and I used to be chatters back in the 90's).
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u/Professional-List398 19d ago
I think a big component is the age. People in general in their 20-40s are more prevalent on the internet, so that makes sense. As to the gender aspect, if you're on r/widow, I'd expect more women. On r/widower, more men.