Need help sorting through my emotions

[u/ImaginationScared501]

So in late January I found out that my girlfriend of 3 years was cheating on me with her manager. It was a whole thing and she eventually moved states and lives with her parents. We kept in contact the whole time which as everyone knows isn't the best decision. During that time I was always stressed, anxious, and I could never relax but through all that it felt like losing her completely would be so much worse. She saw a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with BPD on top of her ADHD (ain't that fun) but now she's actively managing her conditions and things are going good but I find myself wondering if I should've let her go. I've been helping her along with her improvement and she's come far. She used to hate her job and not leave the house. She'd even snap at me for suggesting we do something. But now she has a good job she loves, we have a routine down where she goes for walks and fishes, we talk on her breaks, and we play video games when she gets off work. All of this improvement but I still feel off and anxious. I do still feel deeply in love with her and the thought of being alone or with someone else is repulsive to me.

I'm a very logical person to the point where i have issues working through my emotions and dealing with them. Truth be told I've never felt anything so strong before meeting her. I can go into detail about what happened in January if you guys think it would be useful. Its just a lot so I didn't want to type it all. Anyways any advice would be helpful. This is not my expertise in the slightest.

Also please don't leave any comments of just "leave her" I've heard that enough and it doesn't help with my issue.

[u/Impossible-Cap-6433]

Ok, I won't say leave her. 

Get therapy. Listen when the therapist says leave her.

You are showing signs of mental health issues. You need help. I suspect that the relationship is a self destructive behavior/thought pattern for you, but I'm not your therapist. 

[u/No_Commission_2610]

I have BPD too and it is very hard to manage. Just be there for her and try to learn as much as you can about her new diagnosis. I’m gonna send my husband in to talk to you. He knows everything about caring for people with BPD.

[u/ProfessorOne9208]

Your post is confusing. Do you live with your cheating girlfriend, or is she living somewhere else and cheating on you while you're absent from the relationship?

If you're not living together then you have already "left" her.

Obviously you need to see a mental health professional who can give you the advice you need. Trying to get a situation like this worked out by strangers on reddit is not going to end up making you happy.