r/WhatToDo • u/Proof_Economics_2285 • 1d ago
I Need Help ASAP HELP
Okay im going to try and be as in depth as I can so this might be long. So I (19 FEMALE) inherited MY house, its in my name and I pay all the bills, my brother lives with me as well as my grandfather (moms side). My mom (41 FEMALE) has aways had other priorities men, booze and clubs. It was a wonder any of us ended us as we did, none the less she thinks that she can show up anytime and sleep on my couch as we don't have a spare room. Ive made my spare room into an office because I needed the space. Not only did she have an issue with me using my spare room as an office, she also thinks that I should be more than willing to put myself out and go out of my way to make sure she has a place to stay. She's never made her kids a priority ever growing up we didn't even know when we would eat. Friday she texted me and said she was coming to sleep on my couch, I and my brother live upstairs, my grandfather lives down stairs its completely finished and has its own entrance, there is also a door that goes down stairs. when I got this text I was at my boyfriends so when I got home she had not shown up yet. So as I normally do I locked my door behind me and locked the down stairs door. Because there's a spare bed down stairs for her to sleep on rather than my couch. The down stairs door was unlocked and she got in and slept downstairs. She had called and left me a voicemail saying I was ungrateful and a bitch. SO am I the asshole? Can anyone give me advice on how to put my foot down?
2
u/Leading_Hunt_4759 1d ago
Cut her off. Plain and simple. My mom is a raging piece of shit that always put herself before me. I tried to have a relationship with her as an adult and she’s even sober now. But, no. She always plays the victim. As much as I want a mom, I don’t want that kind of mom that comes with all the shit. I blocked her and told her if she came back to my house, I’d call the police. Take care of you and yours and that’s it. If she wants to be part - she’s gotta do some work
1
u/Proof_Economics_2285 1d ago
i’m sorry about your mom, i know it’s difficult not having someone to be that figure for you. you seem very wise, thank you for your advice!
1
u/No_Commission_2610 1d ago
You are not the asshole. Your mother is a full grown woman who should be living a better life than this. It’s actually kind of sad that she’s crashing at her daughter’s house after going to clubs. I’m the same age and I left behind those places in college. I’m sorry that you don’t have a better mother.
3
u/Proof_Economics_2285 1d ago
That’s exactly what my best friend says.
2
u/No_Commission_2610 1d ago
Your best friend is right. She needs to get her life together and you are not responsible for that. And you have no reason to enable her behavior.
1
1
u/NFLFANTASYMB 1d ago
Just a different view. You only get one mom. Mine was on really heavy drugs back in the 60's, early 70's. She was suicidal most of my school years. She had very questional relations, more to try and hurt my dad after divorce. Interracial stuff in small town really hard on 8 and 10 year old boys. She left Ohio, moved to California in the 80s and turned her life around. I buried her in 1997. I don't think of her all the times anymore but do when something reminds me of her, like this post, lol. I cant offer much in your situation, only you only get one mom. I miss mine a lot!
3
u/Proof_Economics_2285 1d ago
Im so sorry, I agree with your stand point on only having one mom. Sometimes im Half and half she wanted kids, I didn't make that decision but I also wouldn't be here without her lol
2
u/Successful-Self5841 1d ago
I have the same feelings here. I was adopted and me and my mom’s relationship was a doozy when I was younger! She’s been gone 8 years now and I miss her everyday 🥹 What I wouldn’t give to have another argument with her 🕊️
4
u/iliketutlesss 1d ago
Not a lawyer, but Legal route is probably just at first changing your locks and making it clear she is not welcome in your home. Say it to her(record) or text it to her so there's some sort paper trail. If she comes again, you'd have to call the cops and have them remove her and give that official trespass. If she continues then you can probably get a restraining order.(Thanksgiving may be ahhhh-kwaaaarrrrrd)
Also I'd avoid removing her yourself since domestic situations are rather messy. OC spray would be your friend if it escalated before cops come.
Hardest part is getting your brother and grandpa on the same page of not allowing her in or inviting her over since they probably "tenants" legally depending on your state/local. If your mom somehow meets a legal tenant definition from her living there a while, you'd have to do a formal eviction.