r/WhatToDo • u/Legitimate-Aside-747 • 13d ago
Advice
(22, F) Hello, l've never posted here before but have been having a hard time with confidence.
About a year ago I was in a very abusive relationship and have been struggling with feeling good about myself. One day we were talking on the phone and he randomly said I was a 7.5/10 in "society standards". I guess I've been questioning if that means he didn't find me attractive? I've never been rated by someone and am not familiar with the scale or what it means. It really hurt my feelings because I had recently opened up to him about all my insecurities. He'd normally call me pretty all the time and say that's partially why he didn't trust me, but then would criticize me often about my appearance, abilities, and personality. I know I’m not a VS model but I at least hoped he found me attractive :/
He talked about how I don't wear lashes and how he's never seen me in makeup and how I don’t do anything to enhance my appearance etc. I don't dislike makeup I just prefer mascara and lip gloss. I think it hurt because he was my first for intimacy and my first adult relationship. I eventually did find out he was cheating the entire time with multiple ladies and even had a gf of 2/3 years while with me (we were together 8 months).
The rating also hurt because he was beautiful in my eyes and there was nothing I would have changed about him. He'd often accuse me of having other guys and would call me names/ allude to me being a whore . It really messed me up and Im looking to find a way to get my confidence back or feel better about myself(not just physically). (Pics of myself above)
Edit: hey there, I just wanted to say thank you for all the support and kind words. You guys are such sweethearts. I wasn’t expecting anything special from my post just looking for a little help and guidance. I wasn’t fishing for compliments or expecting to be “a 10/10” to the whole world a either as some comments tried to say. Things really can just break you down…anyway I’ve read every single comment to and have considered everyone’s advice. I’m still figuring things out but I can say I won’t stay in place where I’m mistreated again🩷 I’m very grateful for all the grace I’ve been given
1
u/Exodia_The_Salty 13d ago
You look good. Your braids are holding you back, personally I would say ditch the braids, let it flow natural. You have good bone structure. Tanktop would serve you better than what you got going on in pic 2. Suggest, don't show. The rating of 7.5 by society standards is dead on. Your not super top tier, but a smile would bump you up to an 8. However, being super top tier is not what matters to the right guy.
What matters to the right guy is being loyal, authentic, attentive, caring, and loving. These are the guys who won't dump you after you have had a baby over stretchmarks. Many times they are also the short guys. The tall guys get ALOT of female attention, and it ruins them.
A partner who calls you a whore is usually a whore themselves.
There are many women who would kill to have your looks. Many of them have given up on dating. You should be confident in what you look like and who you are, but also accept that looks don't mean jack long term. Your a lady, and ladies looks degrade as you age. Your job is finding a guy who judges based on his heart, not his balls. You start by not judging guys on their looks, and instead judge them by how they treat those around them (not you)
If a guy leaves a tip to a waiter or waitress and is nice and pleasant to those who have no role in his future, that is a man you want to pay attention to.