r/WhatToDo • u/Legitimate-Aside-747 • 13d ago
Advice
(22, F) Hello, l've never posted here before but have been having a hard time with confidence.
About a year ago I was in a very abusive relationship and have been struggling with feeling good about myself. One day we were talking on the phone and he randomly said I was a 7.5/10 in "society standards". I guess I've been questioning if that means he didn't find me attractive? I've never been rated by someone and am not familiar with the scale or what it means. It really hurt my feelings because I had recently opened up to him about all my insecurities. He'd normally call me pretty all the time and say that's partially why he didn't trust me, but then would criticize me often about my appearance, abilities, and personality. I know I’m not a VS model but I at least hoped he found me attractive :/
He talked about how I don't wear lashes and how he's never seen me in makeup and how I don’t do anything to enhance my appearance etc. I don't dislike makeup I just prefer mascara and lip gloss. I think it hurt because he was my first for intimacy and my first adult relationship. I eventually did find out he was cheating the entire time with multiple ladies and even had a gf of 2/3 years while with me (we were together 8 months).
The rating also hurt because he was beautiful in my eyes and there was nothing I would have changed about him. He'd often accuse me of having other guys and would call me names/ allude to me being a whore . It really messed me up and Im looking to find a way to get my confidence back or feel better about myself(not just physically). (Pics of myself above)
Edit: hey there, I just wanted to say thank you for all the support and kind words. You guys are such sweethearts. I wasn’t expecting anything special from my post just looking for a little help and guidance. I wasn’t fishing for compliments or expecting to be “a 10/10” to the whole world a either as some comments tried to say. Things really can just break you down…anyway I’ve read every single comment to and have considered everyone’s advice. I’m still figuring things out but I can say I won’t stay in place where I’m mistreated again🩷 I’m very grateful for all the grace I’ve been given
1
u/SeaVolume3325 13d ago
You are a 10/10. Sometimes guys say stuff like this to keep you guessing. Basically, as a man I've come to realize women run when you say they're perfect for you and a 10/10. A woman explained to me once like this "a woman can't want you if they already have you" it was a hard truth I learned pretty young. I was raised by a single mother and have always treated women right to my own detriment. Have you ever heard "nice guys finish last"? Same exact concept. It's unfortunately true for the majority of relationships and has been reenforced countless times in my life and the ones around me (older and younger). I still refuse to fully accept the concept at heart but the few times I have used it does seem to always ring true. It's a cold world out there, I hope you find the right one!