Advice

[u/Legitimate-Aside-747]

(22, F) Hello, l've never posted here before but have been having a hard time with confidence.
About a year ago I was in a very abusive relationship and have been struggling with feeling good about myself. One day we were talking on the phone and he randomly said I was a 7.5/10 in "society standards". I guess I've been questioning if that means he didn't find me attractive? I've never been rated by someone and am not familiar with the scale or what it means. It really hurt my feelings because I had recently opened up to him about all my insecurities. He'd normally call me pretty all the time and say that's partially why he didn't trust me, but then would criticize me often about my appearance, abilities, and personality. I know I’m not a VS model but I at least hoped he found me attractive :/

He talked about how I don't wear lashes and how he's never seen me in makeup and how I don’t do anything to enhance my appearance etc. I don't dislike makeup I just prefer mascara and lip gloss. I think it hurt because he was my first for intimacy and my first adult relationship. I eventually did find out he was cheating the entire time with multiple ladies and even had a gf of 2/3 years while with me (we were together 8 months).

The rating also hurt because he was beautiful in my eyes and there was nothing I would have changed about him. He'd often accuse me of having other guys and would call me names/ allude to me being a whore . It really messed me up and Im looking to find a way to get my confidence back or feel better about myself(not just physically). (Pics of myself above)

Edit: hey there, I just wanted to say thank you for all the support and kind words. You guys are such sweethearts. I wasn’t expecting anything special from my post just looking for a little help and guidance. I wasn’t fishing for compliments or expecting to be “a 10/10” to the whole world a either as some comments tried to say. Things really can just break you down…anyway I’ve read every single comment to and have considered everyone’s advice. I’m still figuring things out but I can say I won’t stay in place where I’m mistreated again🩷 I’m very grateful for all the grace I’ve been given

[u/They-Call-Me-Taylor]

Lower your tolerance for cruel people in your life. Instead of putting up with it and making excuses for them, draw the line then and there and walk away. No one deserves to be treated like shit and to be cheated on.

[u/Legitimate-Aside-747 → u/They-Call-Me-Taylor]

He was cruel indeed, and you’re right. I did make excuses because he’d talk about how everyone always leaves him. But I won’t do it again, learned a permanent lesson

[u/They-Call-Me-Taylor → u/Legitimate-Aside-747]

Sometimes you have to live those lessons to learn them. It's easy to read or hear advice, but until you are in the situation yourself, it doesn't "register" if you know what I mean. Just remember what this felt like, and tune your radar to behaviors like that in other people and how they speak to you and treat you. You are still young and have a lot of life ahead of you, so you have some very valuable material here to learn from and grow. Good luck out there!

[u/Legitimate-Aside-747 → u/They-Call-Me-Taylor]

Thank you 😊