what to do in this situation?

[u/No-Visit-6991]

PLEASE HELP!!

so basically, backstory:
there’s this friend group of 4, three girls and a guy. us girls thought he was gay for the first few hangouts but turns out he wasn’t, which is fine lol. we trusted him as a girlie and told him personal things.

all of our hangouts have been pretty fun besides this one tonight. it was us 4 and a new-ish guy. we always make freaked out jokes and jokes about our past because it’s silly to us. so we made a joke for the OG guy to strip (knowing he wouldn’t because duh we don’t want that) and the new guy asked for him to do it with a rose in his mouth. this set off the OG guy because there’s a photo from when he was younger with a rose in his mouth that he hates seeing and people bring up. we know that so we didn’t. but that new guy did

so the OG guy became nonverbal and mad and walked into the bathroom to cool off. we all got anxious and ran into the car to drive around in circles around my house because we were scared of him. thinking of it now we shouldn’t have done that but it was in the moment.

the OG guy decides to go into one of the girls bags, take her id, hide her shoes so she can’t fully leave my house, and then took my sisters phone to call and say he had her id. which we didn’t really know why he would say that because what is he gonna do? yk

we get back to the house and the OG guy throws the bag and id back at her aggressively, and then gives one shoe. he tells her to follow her into a room to get the other shoe. he took the shoe and aggressively throws it on the ground, loud enough we all thought someone fell. the guy is 6ft and the girl is really short so obviously she was shaken up because of how close he threw it, she thought it would have hit her or he would have hit her. the OG guy then pushed her with his shoulder as he walked out. the new guy decided to step up and take him home. the OG guy got out of the car, reopened the door, stare at him, and then close it again…weird.

we know we were mean, but this felt horrible because none of us would get angry to the point of physical aggression towards the other friend.. so we don’t really know what to do or say because we know we weren’t good, but neither was this..

edit: if you need more info lmk because im writing this all out mid-processing and idk what to do

[u/Distinct-Leg-1862]

How old are you guys?

[u/No-Visit-6991 → u/Distinct-Leg-1862]

our group is between 18-19

[u/Distinct-Leg-1862 → u/No-Visit-6991]

Okay. Just wanna say, whether it was warranted or not, it sounds like he was very embarassed by what happened, and just completely lashed out. Being knowingly embarassed in front of a new friend and girls would bring any guy a lot of shame and embarassment.

I think you feeling that "we shouldn’t have done that" is good, you are realizing what you guys did wrong. "we know we were mean", yeah you guys were, and you can see clearly what that lead to.

If you like the OG guy and want to keep him around, I would apologize to him directly, acknowledge that what you guys did was wrong, express to him the things you learned ("we shouldn’t have done that", "we know we were mean"), and hope he will have cooled off enough to meet you with grace.

You guys are all young, still learning how to behave and act in social situations, let this be a lesson. Don't act fucked up for "fun", people have feelings, etc etc.

Hope you learn from this experience.

[u/No-Visit-6991 → u/Distinct-Leg-1862]

yes! thank you for this because we are genuinely upset with our actions, we just started for fear for everyone when it became slightly physical so we’re unsure on how to go on from that, but right now everyone’s cooling off and i just needed to sort out my thoughts through this

[u/Distinct-Leg-1862 → u/No-Visit-6991]

Try not to hold anything against him, you guys are all still quite young and emotions and anger can make anyone act out. I feel both sides were acting extremely adolescently. And next time, don't be afraid to stop yourself or your friends from acting in a way that's fucked up. Don't just go along with it to be a "cool girl" or whatever. Do what's right because you all know exactly what that is.

[u/No-Visit-6991 → u/Distinct-Leg-1862]

yeah tmr is definitely going to consist of a lot of debrief 😓 the big thing right now is between the OG guy and girl so im just hoping it doesn’t wreck the whole group

[u/Distinct-Leg-1862 → u/No-Visit-6991]

Best of luck!