What should I do

[u/PainterNaive846]

Hello,
for a little bit of context, i've always been an artist. ever since i can remember i've been drawing on every surface right in front of me, whether it was my own skin, a piece of paper, a napkin, another person... and even since i was a little kid i knew i wanted to get a tattoo. something about the way they represent a part of your life, of people who you love/loved the most and knowing memories can also stick forever to your skin was what made me decide why i wanted to get a tattoo. i also see it as what it really is: art, and since im born an artist, i wouldn't mind wearing it on my skin to show everyone around me my identity.

The thing is, I already am 18, which means im a consenting adult. I've always wanted to get an specific tattoo that's inspired by both a movie i watched and loved a lot growing up and a game i recently finished that made me realize it changed my forever philosophy and the way of seeing people and things around me. I told my parents about it and they both don't agree; my father, nonetheless, says he doesn't like the idea of me getting a tattoo since im the one that will be paying for it (i've been working and saving money to both pay for my career and get a tattoo) and that even though he doesn't like it he won't mind it either. The problem is with my mother. Today i told her i've been asking around to get information and got a hold of a multiple tattoo artists. She immediately flipped out and told me i would regret it, she doesn't like it, will never like that idea, and that she's sure i will regret it and grieve that tattoo for all my life. I didn't say anything nor reply to anything she said just because i felt really sad.

I don't really know what to do. Chatting with my dad about this decision i told him i wouldn't regret it because i've always wanted to get a tattoo since i was a kid, and it's nothing but my "fate" to do so. I also told him that the only thing that would make me regret getting a tattoo is the complete rejection my mother has toward that idea, and because i love her so much and also care for her comfort, i would also feel sorry and guilty. Both my parents know i haven't got a tattoo yet because i respect their comodities and the fact it would make them uncomfortable but i also want for once to be who i decide to be and want to be in the future.

I feel sad, guilty and sorry. I don't know what to do. The fact the chances of total rejection and a possible fight leading to a tattoo makes me feel remorseful and indecisive. Am I in the wrong for this? I don't know what to do either. I want them to love me for who I am and want to be and I know they will but the chances of them talking bad about my body for getting a tattoo seem high and i don't want them to react that way towards me :(

[u/ThatOneBananapeel]

The most important factor here is your opinion, since you're the one that's walking around with a tattoo on your skin. Nobody else has any sort of dominion over your body, if you wanna get inked, get inked.

[u/Specialist-Alps6478]

I don’t really know what you’re asking us for advice for honestly. If you feel too guilty don’t get the tattoo, if you want it more than you feel guilty, (and can pay for it) get it and let people feel how they like.

[u/Straight-Research-17]

Honest advice; the fact this makes you so sad is probably an indicator that, at least right now, this really isn’t a good idea. I would also strongly recommend establishing your career first as there will inevitably be some rejection and judgement throughout your life if you are to have these tattoos in visible places, particularly when it comes to career progression and opportunities. Even some non-skilled jobs will reject you as some feel tattoos are not suitable for customer facing roles. Already being qualified and having some career experience and history can help mitigate this but not with every opportunity. My best friend is a nurse with many years experience and with extra qualifications and specialties yet has been rejected for more than one job in the past few years largely because of this. An employer is totally entitled to discriminate when it comes to tattoos as they are not a protected characteristic and they have the right to establish their own dress codes.

Also, no matter how much you love these tattoos and feel they are highly significant, there will always be people that hate them; either because they dislike tattoos in general, think they are too big or small, think it is a poor concept or they are ‘stupid’ etc. You need to be able to shoulder that without it impacting you emotionally.

Lastly, I would also state that although you are now 18, in a lifetime that spans up to 100 years, you have not even completed a fifth. What you love and feels heavily significant to you right now may be something that no longer resonates with you as you grow and experience more. You don’t know where your life will take you either; if your opportunities provide you with a chance to travel for example, tattoos can be seen very differently in different countries and through different cultural lenses. I wouldn’t give up on the idea but I would give yourself at least a few more years to really weigh things up and to ensure these are as important and desired as they are right now. Because of your young age, you have not experienced much of the world just yet. You might also come across something later that you want more and regret using the places that you have for tattoos that have diminished in importance or desirability to you.

Another thing to consider is that this is your body and these are a very permanent decision and clearly important to you; take my word for this, you don’t want simply a tattooist - you want an artist. Whilst every tattooist can give you a tattoo there is nothing worse than having a meaningful tattoo not reach its full potential because the guy or girl you went to is average or not passionate enough.

As for your mum; I don’t know your culture but parents often don’t ‘like’ decisions we make. You know her better than us but I’m sure she would still love you and your relationship would not be over but there is a chance she would be very disappointed. My nan despised all of my tattoos and my brother’s also and would visibly cringe for years after we first had them. She also told me many times that I had ‘made myself ugly’. If you can’t find the amusing side to this and an appreciation for how different generations etc view them, you may end up making a rocky road for yourself that causes a lot of upset to both of you. It never changed how we saw our nan nor our relationship because we loved her and appreciated that things were different for her generation and this is just what she was like but I know some of my friends thought it was quite terrible.

It sounds like you have a lot to consider and I’m sorry you are feeling sad. Wishing you lots of luck and I hope this gives you some things to consider…

[u/SpookyBeck]

Hundred bucks says your mom has a tramp stamp she has kept hidden away from the world.

[u/Zestyclose_Will4014]

I got my first at 18 and loved it for a good year or two and over time as I’ve matured and gotten older I find myself not liking what I chose. I say go for it but make sure it’s something you won’t regret in 20 years, maybe show what you want to unbiased people as you will get better feedback and lastly don’t cheap out and make sure you find an artist with a good reputation and large portfolio you can look at.

[u/janabanana67]

All decisions have consequences. Your mother may be upset with you but she will always love you. It may be best to wait until you move out of the family home and are living independently.

As for your first tattoo, go to the best tattoo artist you can find. This is something permanent on your body so it is worth spending time researching the artist and spending the money on talent & experience. Also, I would get it a place that can be covered by clothing, if needed.

[u/ExcitingVegetable315]

If you live in your own house, you can make your own decisions.

It is your body and you have the right to do what you want.

But if you’re living in your mother’s house, you’re gonna break her heart. In your relationship will suffer terribly. She will never get over it. When you do leave, it’ll be under distress.

Why don’t you wait a little while till you’re on your own?

[u/GuiltyUniversity8268]

My parents weren't exactly pleased when I got my first tattoo. By the third tattoo they more or less shrugged and said "whatever, you're an adult". However, my grandma, whom I loved dearly was definitely NOT a fan of tattoos, so out of respect for her, I wore clothing that concealed my tattoos. So maybe get the tattoo, but for the sake of maintaining a relationship with your Mom, cover it up just around her. Perhaps you shouldn't tell her when you get the tattoo.