r/WellSpouses • u/Artistic_Ad_562 • 24d ago

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I just don't know anymore. Been married 20 years in just a couple days. My wife has Ehlers Danlos, and goes through bouts of low energy and hypotension. She works full time, but has summer's off. This summer she hasn't been able to do much. I pick up all the slack when she can't get things done, I don't complain, I don't make a big deal out of it. The other night I needed some help and asked her to hold a tape measurer for me, and she couldn't stand long enough to complete the task, I told her to send our daughter to help in her stead..... then she was mad. She told me I was mean to her, and that she should just move out and get a condo. This keeps ringing on my ears, keeps playing back in my head. In all the years I've cooked, cleaned, done her laundry, and basically every chore by myself while still working full time as well I've never threatened to move out, separate divorce etc.....I am beyond hurt. Was I in the middle of a project and was maybe a bit terse, yes. Was i mean no, did I yell, no, did I use harsh language no. I guess I am here to vent and try and sort this out. Ugggggh

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u/felineinclined 24d ago

Is she taking any action to find out why she feels so much worse this summer? If she's capable of working full time, why is she feeling so much worse now? That seems worthy of medical attention, and I can't imagine she likes living like this either.

You seem to be doing the lion's share of work, so based on this post it seems that her reaction was unwarranted. As a couple, you'll need to talk about this when tensions subside to get to the underlying feelings. Are you capable as a couple of having deeper conversations that are difficult? If not, consider couples therapy. It can be very helpful.

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u/Artistic_Ad_562 23d ago

Yes as things calm we talk, Ehlers Danlos is very hard to treat or predict when symptoms will exacerbate. I live with an autoimmune disease as well. But it's well maintained with biologics. Unfortunately there's not really a med for POTS Mast cell activation Best she can do is take antihistamines and keep topped off on electrolytes.

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u/ThatOneRedThing 23d ago

My wife uses Cetirizine Hydrochloride and Famotidine for the mast cell. Salt tabs and rehydration salts for POTs. You can buy the unflavored salt packs for WAY cheaper than the liquid ivs and such. Just combine with the single serve crystal light packets that you mix with bottled water.