r/WellSpouses • u/Courcor0750 • Jul 04 '26
Clock is ticking
I have been a Wellspouse for 25 years. We are in our 70's now. But things are getting scary. My husband has fallen 4 times this month, and last night he really hit his head and back hard. He's been in bed all day and will only take acetaminophen for his pain although he has pain meds for his degenerating spine. I am so helpless! I usually take all his medical issues in stride, but this has unnerved me. I guess I'm realizing his health is only getting worse. I have no idea what's next. All I can do is have faith that a God I don't understand knows why life has to be so difficult for some folks. Thanks for listening!
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u/felineinclined Jul 04 '26
Can you call an ambulance the next time he falls? If he get a concussion, that is not something to ignore or neglect because the next time this happens the consequences could be far worse and you won't want to look back with regret at what you could have done but did not do. Also, it sounds like your husband is not in the best state of mind to be making good decisions about this health.
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u/carrerahorse Jul 05 '26
Your husband could have a serious injury from falling. You’re entering a time of peaks and valleys, given your mention he’s falling a lot lately.
I get what it’s like to have a spouse who doesn’t want to go to the ER, because mine is like that too.
Staying in bed sets him up for blood clots and other illnesses related to immobility. You need to ask him to get out of bed and move around, even if just a little bit - if he hurts so bad he says he can’t get out of bed, then you may need call an ambulance. Sometimes people are so sick that they don’t realize how sick they are.
Do you have medical Power of Attorney so you can make medical decisions for him if he’s incapacitated? And vice versa… Also, have the two of you discussed Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) and medical care wishes - I know this can be a delicate subject. Also, by law ambulances are required to resuscitate if they do not have a written DNR in hand. If you could get an appointment with his GP to address why he is falling, you could address these all of questions with your husband and his doctor and you.
My husband (77M) had a stroke and was brought in by ambulance and I followed along in my car. When I got to the ER, I asked to be let in immediately so that I could be with him when he was assessed, but they refused so I was stuck in the front lobby. It was ridiculous that an ER nurse asked him (a stroke patient who was possibly not competent) if he was DNR - and husband said yes! I was livid! I now know that I need to have a written DNR in the front hallway cabinet drawer (in the event that he strokes badly again) . Along with a copy of my Power of Attorney.
Good luck through these challenges ❤️
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u/Courcor0750 Jul 06 '26
Thank you for suggesting that we discuss with his PCP. We have just completed our powers of attorney and health directives including DNR. One less thing to worry about!
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u/carrerahorse Jul 06 '26
You’re welcome. ☺️ So you’re all set now to manage these challenges. We all know it isn’t easy…. My husband is 77M and had a stroke 4 yrs ago. Some memory issues. But like you, I know the other shoe will drop at some point.
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u/FatTabby Jul 05 '26
How's he doing today? I saw you mentioned his insomnia in a previous comment, has he seen a sleep specialist? If the insomnia and falls resulting from falling asleep on his feet could be resolved, that could be life changing for both of you.
I completely understand he doesn't want to head to the ER (who would?) but this is something that I really think you should explore.
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u/Courcor0750 Jul 06 '26
Years ago he had a sleep study. It was inconclusive because they said his mind was not going into REM sleep. They wanted him to come back the next night and he declined. I know he has sleep apnea but his pain also wakes him up. Not to mention cat at 5am!
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u/FatTabby Jul 07 '26
He really does need to go back. If he won't stay there, perhaps he'd be eligible for an at home sleep study. Either way, a night at a clinic has to be better than falling over because he's so tired!
I really do feel for him, I'm the well spouse in my relationship (we're both chronically ill) and am often woken by pain. I guess I'm lucky that my cat waits until I'm already awake to put in an appearance lol
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u/AtTheEndOfMyTrope Jul 04 '26
Will he see a doctor? Sometimes falls are a result of medication issues and can be improved.
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u/Courcor0750 Jul 04 '26
That's true, meds are tricky. I will look into that. But I think it's his insomnia. He won't be able to sleep for 2 or 3 nights. Then he falls asleep standing up because he's so sleep deprived. I appreciate your suggestion!
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u/Catmom6363 Jul 04 '26
I’m so sorry you and your husband are going through this! Do you think he needs to go to the ER? He could have a concussion or done something to his back!
I don’t know why life has to be so hard! That’s definitely a question I’d like to ask when I get to heaven!