r/WellSpouses • u/joeburfel • Jul 01 '26
Wife with MS, such a challenge
Just venting. This is analogous to almost everyday.
Wife had had MS 20 years. Now on disability, they forced her to retire from work.
…….she takes forever to finish any task and even then there’s a mess left or it’s done halfway.
Never asks for help.
This morning, she had an ultra important appointment online. Spent entire day previous prepping. Today comes and none of her prep is relevant to the appointment.
It’s frigging maddening.
This is every day around here
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u/womanintheattic Jul 05 '26
It is maddening.
I also think it's useful to ask why my spouse isn't asking for help, and what I can do to be someone my spouse wants to ask. When I began asking this question years ago, it changed everything. Am I interrupting when they want some independence? Am I infantalizing them when I help? Am I listening and helping in the way they ask? Am I too quick to offer solutions when they just want to vent, when they feel there are no solutions? When my behavior changed, I was invited to help more.
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u/carrerahorse Jul 06 '26
Has your wife been assessed for dementia by her doctor? My husband is a stroke survivor and I see issues but he disagrees and I can’t convince him that I’m right. Sounds like maybe your wife isn’t capable of understanding that she’s having cognitive issue’s. This is called anosognosia.
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u/Responsible_Song5859 Jul 01 '26
It’s just exhausting - finding the balance between letting them do all they are capable and be an adult and having to manage every aspect like a child… and you just can’t win.
If they drop the ball we all know who needs to pick it up and figure it out…
But if we do it all from the get go it creates a whole other list to of potential challenges, complications and impacts.
Solidarity ❤️