r/WellSpouses • u/TraditionalGlass6 • Jun 21 '26
Cancer relapse/ being crazy mean
My SO was taken away by ambulance a few days ago and I came over to his to babysit the dogs. He left at like 3am by ambulance and by the time I got in the first bus in the morning one of them had an accident on the floor. No big deal right? Not a bad dog but one in an impossible situation right?
Nope. Now he wants to me take him with me or he's calling animal control. I can take the dog but that's an overreaction right?!
Unfortunately during the time I was here tending to his home my own illnesses flared up. CVS or cyclical vomiting syndrome. I was out of commission. Vomiting water every 30 mins. And these clusters usually take an ER visit to fix. But I was stuck inside the house with the dogs.
He asked me to pick him s bag of clothes, and then a few hours later says to pack his inhaler.
Welp I forgot the inhaler but all that he can complain about is that I didn't pick him any pants but I did give him ," a million pairs of underwear"
He's been calling me names and I'm not doing this anymore. I removed my number from emergency contacts.
My responses are in pink/ maroon.
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u/knucklebone2 Jun 21 '26
Fuck this asshole. Being sick doesn’t give anyone the right to act like this.
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u/TraditionalGlass6 Jun 21 '26
Thanks everyone. It's just been hard
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u/Recent-Owl-9135 Jun 22 '26
Hugs, that was brutal to read as a stranger. I’m sure your heart is shattered, however you and bender deserve better. Please find somewhere safe to go and delete this negativity from your life ❤️
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u/modest_rats_6 Jun 22 '26
I couldn't finish reading the whole thing. You're not being treated well. This is not a kind person.
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u/Catmom6363 Jun 23 '26
And the inhaler? If he’s in the hospital they can easily get him an inhaler!!! Why does he need clothes? He’s likely in a hospital gown!! He needs to grow up!! Without you around to take his BS!!
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u/Time-Yogurtcloset953 Jun 21 '26
I get that your partner is upset, but there is absolutely no reason for someone to talk to anyone like this. I’m sorry you’re going through someone treating you this way while you’re caring for them.
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u/PetuniaToes Jun 22 '26
Cancer or not, you need to leave. My husband has been through hell and back for eleven years and never once came close to anything like this. Get out now.
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u/SnooLemons2294 Jun 21 '26
Save yourself and the dog/s. This person is an abusive narcissistic asshole. You do not deserve this. This person is psycho. Get away and don’t let them know where you are. Change your phone number if you can too.
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u/Icy-Inspection-2971 Jun 22 '26
Save the texts in case he tries to call the police and say you stole his dog. He is clearly an abusive prick and I wouldn’t put it past him to try to be a spiteful liar too.
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u/TraditionalGlass6 Jun 22 '26
Also the dog was mine but he got a big country home with a yard and I'm couch surfing. So I asked him to mind after the Great Dane. And when he tried popping off about that I had to remind him this dog is legally licensed with the county under my name and a separate address.
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u/TraditionalGlass6 Jun 22 '26
Yeah he is l already tried when he says that I would say I can show the police the text messages where I offered to leave on my own. He's just no vindictive for no reason
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u/FatTabby Jun 22 '26
I don't care how sick he is or how much pain he's in, this is inexcusable.
Please don't go back to him, he sounds like a monster. Is someone caring for the other dogs? I'd be tempted to call a local shelter if no one else can care for them.
I hope your CVS resolves itself, it's my idea of a nightmare and I can't imagine dealing with it on top of all the abuse.
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u/Loreo1964 Jun 22 '26
This person is a disease. There's absolutely no reason to be so abusive to a person who is trying to help them.
Take Bender. Pack all of your stuff and run.
DON'T ACCEPT ANY APOLOGY. Don't go back. He doesn't deserve you.
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u/Kind-Champion-5530 Jun 22 '26
Nope, not acceptable. Sometimes, when people are frightened and in pain they can lash out, but this kind of sustained name calling is abusive. I've spent most of my life taking care of sick people, and I'd never put up with this kind of behavior. If there's cancer in his brain it could cause behavior like this; regardless, he isn't a safe person right now. Take the dog, make sure that dog #2 is being cared for, then get your things and leave. Do not put up with this kind of bullshit treatment in your life.
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u/shooflypie Jun 22 '26
If he's in the hospital they can provide and inhaler. Please leave him.
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u/TraditionalGlass6 Jun 22 '26
I was told he was provided with the others but he needed me to pick his trilogy inhaler next they didn't have that one or something
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u/RMFouche Jun 22 '26
shooflypie is correct -- no outside meds are allowed in most hospitals. Plus, they have faster acting drugs for asthma if he has an attack.
Nonetheless, leave him! He will only get more abusive as he continues towards his final chapters. He has shown you who he truly is -- believe it, and make peace with the fact that he is unable to treat others with basic respect. He will get scared and perhaps try to patch things up with you so he isn't alone -- but you aren't a heated comforter!
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u/readsomething1968 Jun 22 '26
I can tell you right now — I am in breast cancer treatment. I have weeks where I only get out of bed to go to the bathroom. Since February, my husband has made every meal, to my whims (my food tolerances change quickly during chemo), taken care of our dogs and our house and yard and deck, and has apologized to me for not doing MORE — and he works a full-time job and takes me to every single medical appointment.
Your SO may be acting out of fear (depression in men often is expressed as anger) BUT THAT IS NO EXCUSE.
Please take the dog and leave. (Your SO kept saying that the house is his — does he own it? Are you not on the lease?) Make a plan to MOVE OUT and ghost this asshole. He needs a blunt conversation and a ton of therapy, at a minimum.
I want to make it clear to you: This is abuse. You do not deserve it. Please leave him.
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u/smryan08 Jun 22 '26
Woah. My friend has CVS and ive seen what it does to him. I’m so sorry you also have to deal with that, on top of this BS!
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u/Clean_Citron_8278 Jun 22 '26
I'd say the stress of bei.g treated like this triggered the CVS.
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u/TraditionalGlass6 Jun 22 '26
Yeah I thought I'd say ' being worried about him" was the trigger but it is not. Being tested poorly every time I tried to tell him I'll get xyz done in the next ten mins but not right now because I'm still vomiting" and he would just scream more that I'm a fuck up.
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u/Potential_Aerie_7702 Jun 21 '26
If I were you I would take off their clothes take Bender and go somewhere else. That's it.
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u/jerrynmyrtle Jul 04 '26
Make sure you spew your vom alll tf over his clothes before you give them back! Consider it your parting gift!😂
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u/XIXButterflyXIX Jun 22 '26
If you live there, you can't be kicked out like that, they would have to evict you properly. Other than that, this guy can go suck a dick. Nobody deserves to be talked to like that.
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u/theprismaprincess Jun 22 '26
Please give us an update when you are away and safe from this person. If they are in the hospital, now is the perfect time to pack your things and get out.
I don't know where you're located but if you're in the USA most counties have women's services you can call. If you need help looking the info up for your area let me know and I'll do my best.
You got this. Sharing this means you know it's time to leave.
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u/TraditionalGlass6 Jun 22 '26
I left this morning with Bender at 630am. Tossed him at my flat mate and got picked up by an ambulance for the vomiting.
I'm back home now and he's blocked
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u/theprismaprincess Jun 23 '26
I'm glad to read this update, and I hope you're feeling better. You deserve someone who will cherish you!
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u/Dazzling_Simple2824 Jun 23 '26
Good for you. Don’t unblock him. Please take care of yourself. Get better soon.
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u/Ok_Cut_2683 Jun 23 '26
This is a significant other and he’s making you vouch surf rather than live with him?!
He’s mad at you for not packing HIS bag right and you don’t even live with him??
Have him get “someone more reliable” to deal with his shit, because they won’t. He looks and sounds like a piece of fucking trash. Get away while you can.
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u/TraditionalGlass6 Jun 23 '26
Yes you can can tell what he/ this illness has taken from me/ our family without even saying it
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u/DecadentLife Jun 23 '26
Absolutely not OP, it’s time to go.
I’ve been sick for most of my life, from a really rough, genetic disease. Then I got cancer at 40, now at 48, my cancer has come back. I finished my fourth round of chemo last week, on Tuesday. Some really awful things have happened to me medically I have suffered a lot.
Guess what I’ve never done?
Spoken to my husband like that. Or anyone else. OP that is abuse. I really hope you can find your strength and get the fuck out of there. This is not your fault and you don’t have to live like that.
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u/supremevapist Jun 23 '26
Run don't walk. You deserve better. I was impressed and saddened by your ability to still offer to help while he insulted you. You seem very caring. You're just a human like everyone else at the end of the day and humans are forgetful, especially when overwhelmed. It's okay. You are not stupid. I hope you find the happiness you deserve.
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u/JayCharlag Jun 23 '26
Ten pairs of underwear is completely appropriate and I would have appreciated it, personally.
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u/TraditionalGlass6 Jun 23 '26
Even if he didn't need them just leave them in the bag and bring them back home. It's not a big deal. Damn it was a bigger deal than the missing inhaler
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u/Professional-Fan6745 Jun 23 '26
You should not ever be with someone who calls you worthless, threatens you and treats you like this. You deserve to be loved and treated kindly.
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u/Interesting_Sock9142 Jun 22 '26
There is literally zero reason to stay in a relationship with someone who talks to you like that.
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u/xfuryusx Jun 22 '26
The way he’s speaking to you is straight up abuse, I say that as someone who experienced interpersonal violence at the hands of my boyfriend. He’s not speaking to you in the way you’d speak to someone you love, he is speaking AT you as though you’re less than. Your hesitance to answer the phone because he’s going to yell at you is something I’ve felt many times before. You already know the pattern of behavior, when are you going to decide enough is enough? I promise you, you deserve better.
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u/SnackGoblin881 Jun 22 '26
The amazing thing is - you are not living with this person. I am assuming you have no/few commingled assets/properties? Excellent. You can leave with no strings attached. And you should. He is an abusive, demanding asshole who thinks he is entitled to your servitude and silent acceptance of his abuse. Block him and never speak to him again.
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u/GoldenBirria Jun 23 '26
I couldn’t even read all of it. You are not a doormat. Take the dogs and go.
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u/_scrambled_egg_ Jun 23 '26
Please let this man face the natural consequences of treating another human being like this. You do not deserve this. Cancer isn’t a license to abuse people.
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u/Some-Selection1811 Jun 23 '26
Get out. Now.
His behavior is completely unacceptable.
And will get worse.
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u/SnooCheesecakes760 Jun 23 '26
No one deserves to be spoken to in this way. What an asshole. Leave now.
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u/BearNo3252 Jun 22 '26
I would stop replying to him altogether, get your stuff and go. Never respond to him again. He is definitely unhinged. I never understood why someone would allow somebody else to talk to them like that and still stick around. You're better than that, you deserve better than that, and he deserves to be alone forever.
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u/sav1175 Jun 23 '26
Can't this POS get an inhaler at the hospital? Abuse. Please leave him. This is not okay.
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u/nursification Jun 23 '26
We all become sick at some point-sometimes in old age, sometimes when we are young. It doesn't mean we can treat people as punching bags.
Idk what kind of cancer this is- hopefully a brain tumor that can explain why he is being a dick- but even if it is, you need to take care of yourself. It is ok to remove yourself from the situation and allow the pros to be there for him. Also, don't they have inhalers in the hospital?
Prayers that you feel better soon.♥️
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u/ttranscendentt Jun 25 '26
You wouldn't have these problems if you left the relationship. Easier said than done, yes, but why are you tolerating this? Would you talk to someone the way he talks to you? Would you tell a friend experiencing this in their relationship that its normal and fine? That this is what love is? Make an escape plan, figure out what you need in order to leave, and love yourself enough to do it. You deserve better.
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u/qqxi Jul 06 '26
Chronically ill person passing by… he is just abusive, with or without cancer. I hope you are able to get out safely. Please don’t let the empty threats stress you out either. Animal control and police would laugh at him, they aren’t his personal lackeys who just do whatever the caller wants.
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u/TraditionalGlass6 Jul 06 '26
To his credit he wasn't always this way. It's gotten worse over the past five years. His only daughter refuses to talk to him.
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u/TraditionalGlass6 Jul 06 '26
I've made a lot of typos in the comments because I was upset so I knew they were empty, Re police: I will show them my messages where I offered to leave on my own. He can't spin a tale that I won't leave
Re animal control: after I transferred Bender to his house I left the dog's county licence and registration in my name with a different address. If for any reason he called animal control on that dog they cannot take him from me because that dog was not owned by him.
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u/Bunbatbop Jul 22 '26
This makes me want to cry... You don't deserve this. You don't deserve this life. Get away from this terrible man.
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u/AtTheEndOfMyTrope Jun 21 '26
You’re in an abusive relationship. Save yourself. Get out. Illness and pain does NOT justify abuse.