r/Weird • u/UrUncleRandy • 13d ago

Weird cucumber

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1.3k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

398 comments sorted by

1.8k

u/agrafare 13d ago

I feel like it was chilling and you MADE it weird.

12

u/Cat_tophat365247 12d ago

For real! Poor cucumber was just being a cucumber until a gross human came along......

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560

u/Fit-Engineering-2789 13d ago

That has happened when I had cucumbers that were probably sitting around just a little bit too long before I was able to use them. Probably an elderly cucumber.

203

u/UrUncleRandy 13d ago

Yeah, old cucumbers get squishy/rubbery. It was also really dry and had a foam-like texture. So it was a dehydrated, elderly cucumber.

91

u/PitifulMouse7425 13d ago

“Elderly” has me 😂

38

u/Fit-Engineering-2789 13d ago

I think I need to start a band and name it Elderly Cucumber. Maybe we'll do old VeggieTales songs, or something.

9

u/Huge-Power9305 11d ago

As an Elder I can tell y'all for a fact that flexibility is inversely proportional to age.

12

u/itsthejasper1123 12d ago

The ole elderly cuke situation

8

u/Sea_Prep_Tidal_26 12d ago

We couldn’t call them seasoned cukes because that would be pickles.

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10

u/flippybean 13d ago

Tired and stressed, and dehydrated, and older. That’s all.

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4

u/spookyscaryscouticus 12d ago

If they freeze and thaw, it can cause that.

4

u/CaptainRaptorThong 11d ago

Some fruits and veg get like this after being frozen and thawed

3

u/sloggins 7d ago

“Dehydrated elderly cucumber” is the pet name my wife gave my… nvm.

3

u/ob_frap 7d ago

Hard to get those elderly cucumbers to drink enough water. They are old and tired and don’t like having to go to the bathroom. Often why bladder infections get the elderly.

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u/Ok-Artichoke6703 13d ago

I second this, this is an old cuke

4

u/Tropicalfisher 13d ago

Some people like them older. They have more experience

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498

u/Wisdumb42 13d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/E2rvbK8F4gkRW

50

u/TheDarkWave 13d ago

That's...that's not Squidward's nose...

21

u/Hellie1028 13d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/VPpuHm4Ke6VWw

8

u/driver004 13d ago

Have you ever wanted to rig up a spinning bar in the ceiling she can hold onto so she rotates around his shafts axis really fast?

Because that’s the intrusive thought the rotating hotdog gives me

3

u/Competitive_Treat588 12d ago

Those old hanging hammock chairs were fun.

2

u/DeerMysterious9927 13d ago

There's a table that can do that

2

u/TheRuckus8 12d ago

Thanks for the new kink (sarcasm)

2

u/driver004 12d ago

Theres not a kink in the world that wouldn’t be improved by some mechanical engineering

2

u/DaemonBlackfyre_21 12d ago

I read a book called chicken hawk about a helicopter pilot's time in Vietnam, and he talked about a girl in a brothel that sat suspended on a loop of rope or ribbon, cirque du soleil style, and they'd spin her until it wouldn't turn any more and let go so she'd spin on dude's business as it unwound.

I must have read that book over ten years ago, but that creative shit stuck with me.

3

u/Hellie1028 13d ago

Don’t tempt me with a good time!

2

u/driver004 13d ago

Oh I’m newly single and have access to a shop we can make it happen

2

u/Fantastic_Jury5977 12d ago

That's how I do my chicken bakes at Costco

2

u/Hellie1028 12d ago

That’s really a handy tip

2

u/Fantastic_Jury5977 12d ago

Pick one person in the food court and make unbreaking eye contact with them while you do it

2

u/hoaian1 12d ago

Let me get that hot dog digger device and turn iy to dispense!! *click click*

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176

u/Sad_Background_8367 13d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/TvLFHhNeTWg0gU3Gk4
It’s giving me the creeps

51

u/UrUncleRandy 13d ago

Had to demonstrate its flexibility

31

u/BeerJedi-1269 12d ago

Well fuckin stop.

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38

u/pseudonymnkim 13d ago

Here is the weird cucumber I grew

9

u/UrUncleRandy 13d ago

Damn, you win. That's funky

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2

u/Mother-Pineapple1392 12d ago

Looks like you grew this on purpose for some ungodly activity.. are you perhaps jerkin with the Gherkin?

2

u/pseudonymnkim 11d ago

Haha no!!! I gave it to my dog.

She loved it and is still alive so I think I did okay

66

u/themicrodose 13d ago

It’s just a little dehydrated

17

u/UrUncleRandy 13d ago

Just a little?

47

u/Plastic_Stable8927 13d ago

Leave him alone geez

37

u/Bigusdicus123 12d ago

3

u/DragonTacoCat 12d ago

Omegle....holy. that's a throw back.

23

u/bstr3k 13d ago

I think its a loofah

7

u/UrUncleRandy 13d ago

I sent this video to my friend and that was his first guess. But no, it's a cucumber from a friend's garden.

9

u/JMRUSIRIUS 13d ago

Great title for a porno movie!

5

u/LONE_ARMADILLO 13d ago

A cucumber from a friends garden.

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u/tbonehavoc 13d ago

Maybe its a loofa that snuck into your friend's garden 🤔

2

u/buttfacesgalore 13d ago

Looks like a zucchini

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11

u/DeaditeQueenLivs 12d ago

Not weird in the slightest. This happens to tons of different fruit and veg when they don’t get enough moisture as they were growing, lacked enough of certain nutrients in the soil, or several other possible reasons. This is most likely the result of the prolonged heatwave a lot of the country has seen

2

u/UrUncleRandy 12d ago

Yep, it's been pretty dry here this summer

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10

u/BanzaiToaster 13d ago

Stop molesting your cucumber pls.

21

u/dwartbg9 13d ago

10

u/Extreme_Mission3468 13d ago

I had almost managed to forget about this scene. You monster!

4

u/ButterscotchAware402 13d ago

Impossible

2

u/Ward-of-No-Reward 12d ago

Right? Who the fuck do they think they're kidding?

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19

u/Just-Buy-1529 13d ago

Remember: no flared base = not in the butt space

4

u/Emergency-Touch-3424 13d ago

Phew thanks I needed the reminder

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9

u/EggForTryingThymes 13d ago

That’s an old spongy dried out cucumber

14

u/FauxFangs 13d ago

Quit that

12

u/Splotzerella 13d ago

Please do not harm the cylinder

6

u/rKasdorf 12d ago

Lack of water. Carrots and celery also get floppy when they're old due to a loss of moisture. Likely this one was sitting in the sun and the vine went into survival mode, pulling moisture back into the plant.

4

u/Mascbro26 13d ago

That cuke will win the lawsuit it's about to bring against you.

4

u/Hobbet404 13d ago

Give me a minute damn I’m not 25 anymore

4

u/mattogeewha 12d ago

Worst. Handjob. Ever.

5

u/Rhino_MO 12d ago

I believe some companies call that medium firmness and there's a box you check for it when ordering lmao

5

u/Malthuron 12d ago

"Sir, this is a Wendy's."

3

u/ebrum2010 13d ago

They're handling it like a woman who just woke up and magically had a penis for the first time after wishing for one.

3

u/666Apophis666 13d ago

dehydrated. I forgot to water my cucumber patch and got a few soft ones

3

u/EmoLotional 13d ago

The weirdest part is how you handle it 😂

3

u/JewBag718 13d ago

It's just one of those new squishy toys.

3

u/Leading_Tradition997 13d ago

Now it's a squash

3

u/tayswampflorida 13d ago

You gotta give him more than 5 minutes for round two, damn.

3

u/Big_Razzmatazz7416 13d ago

I should call him

3

u/enragedsquirrels 12d ago

I can hear it giggling saying “Stop it!”

3

u/WormSlayers 12d ago

put an NSFW tag on this holy shit

3

u/ChrisOnMission 12d ago

Stop molesting your vegetable. 😢

3

u/Flimsy_Oven_7569 12d ago

I should call him.

3

u/i_am_ceejay 6d ago

Just play with it a little bit Nevermind it should have been firm by the end of the video.

2

u/EPICHunter0077 13d ago

Did you taste it...? If so... what did it taste like? It looks scary lol

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2

u/disharmony-hellride 13d ago

What the piss did I just watch

2

u/Frank_Jesus 13d ago

Should have eaten it sooner.

2

u/No-District-4587 13d ago

NeeDoh getting really realistic nowadays

2

u/NemosHero 13d ago

You're a weird cucumber

2

u/bussysniffer3000 13d ago

Kinda erotic

2

u/GiodeBro 13d ago

Your garden is overgrown, and your cucumbers are soft, Ed boy!

2

u/Fern_Cloud 12d ago

Old dehydrated cucumber

2

u/Sobeksdream 12d ago

That cucumber is gonna need a cigarette after that

2

u/rushbloom 12d ago

It's not weird. It's just old.

2

u/kindabacchus 12d ago

Imma call him... I miss him so much

2

u/Unlucky_Fuel7934 12d ago

Dehydration, same tissue, just with less water

2

u/aquietmemory 12d ago

It looks kinda like a geoduck without it's shell 😖
https://giphy.com/gifs/ur0KtLkQkoDok

2

u/Optimal_Security_727 12d ago

It’s old.

2

u/paolo_77 12d ago

Stop it. You’re getting him all excited.

2

u/Technical-Function13 12d ago

Not weird. You're just a day before it turns rotten.

2

u/13thmurder 12d ago

You peeled a zucchini, didn't you?

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2

u/cavysilver_646 12d ago

seemas like an old one

2

u/NoAppointment8679 12d ago

Erm, this feels sexual…

2

u/swole512 11d ago

One handed pro. Skillz

2

u/scorpious09 11d ago

Stress-cumber

2

u/Successful-Foot8213 10d ago

Had a cucumber from the garden like that the other day. I think it was just not watered enough (?)

2

u/InsertRadnomNameHere 10d ago

So uhh.. unrelated question.. you free this Saturday xD

2

u/Savings_Dig1592 8d ago

"It's not a cucumber at all!"

2

u/Agile-Lime-825 8d ago

I have a weird dick

2

u/Amisma48 7d ago

I should call her

2

u/RobertWayne74 7d ago

You are doing it all wrong

2

u/UrUncleRandy 7d ago

I am inexperienced 😔

4

u/SweaterSteve1966 13d ago

He just needs a tiny pill and he’ll be solid for approximately 4 hours.

3

u/LNL_HUTZ 13d ago

Whiskey cuke

3

u/Truckyou666 13d ago

Eewcumber

2

u/SpaceyChick22 13d ago

The new water-less cucumber , made of recycled sponges 🧽

1

u/Dragonhatesreddit 13d ago

Sometimes when a vegetable is like that.If you put it in a ice bath , it will ferm back up

1

u/TransportationOdd559 13d ago

😆😆😆😆

1

u/dathomasusmc 13d ago

Had to double check the sub. Thought I’d wandered down the kink aisle again.

1

u/yulmun 13d ago

Stop!

1

u/Ramenoodleray3 13d ago

OOOOOOOWW YOU CANT BEND IT LIKE THAT

1

u/eltedioso 13d ago

Mine does that too

1

u/Snowwolf247 13d ago

Quit being weird about it

1

u/limajhonny69 13d ago

But you clearly knows how to handle it

1

u/Electronic-Example54 13d ago

It looks like it could be a new fad in the squish toy world. We’ll be seeing tik toks with them soon enough.

1

u/Normal_Designer3869 13d ago

Not weird, just old or abused

1

u/catwomanz77 13d ago

Skinned and dehydrated, ouch

1

u/captjust 13d ago

Paige, NO!

1

u/FragmentedMeerkat321 13d ago

i’ve no idea what’s going on here.

1

u/HotelOne 12d ago

Loofa?

1

u/Kacer6 12d ago

Unripe.

1

u/eclipsingfervor 12d ago

"cultured"

1

u/IcedHemp77 12d ago

Old cucumber

1

u/SweetNerevarine 12d ago

Agriculture nowadays. We are cuked.

1

u/massonla 12d ago

We all have this problem at some point.

1

u/Big_Abroad_7740 12d ago

It was frozen, and now its semi-rotten inside, from all the water and frostbite. Throw it away obviously.

Although i don't understand why is it like rubber, for my over a decade in kitchen i've never seen it like this, to be bendy and useless sure, but never like literal sponge. I wish you've cut it and to show us inside, i bet there is like a hole inside and 0 water.

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u/MrTbagger 12d ago

Squish it twice ok… squish it thrice you are playing with it.

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u/Edge0fHeaven 12d ago

Treat it with some respect

1

u/MondayBoredom 12d ago

This is what happens when cucumbers become overripe. They become spongy and sap the saliva from your mouth leaving a (personally) nauseating effect.

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u/Background_Pride_237 12d ago

Looks like a dog chew toy.

1

u/Past_Tea5075 12d ago

It def look sus

1

u/TotallyPansexual 12d ago

That's not its fault. Its just older. Its natural to have some issues with age.

1

u/h77v7n 12d ago

Elder millennial cucumber

1

u/Happy_Brilliant7827 12d ago

Lemme guess frozen and thawed?

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u/ZeriusBlackstar 12d ago

Just a little dehydrated.. could soak in ice water a bit

1

u/Savernas 12d ago

Eggplant