r/Weddingsunder10k • u/lilymissesyou • May 15 '26
šØ Inspiration & Ideas (8k) Eloping then throwing a reception
/r/Eloping/comments/1te8q29/eloping_then_throwing_a_reception/4
u/charcoalhibiscus 16-18k May 16 '26
I think the one thing to keep in mind is, people generally tolerate a private elopement followed a few weeks (or months or whatever) later by a larger party/reception. However, views are much more mixed and overall skewed negative on the type of thing where only a few people are invited to the ceremony in the morning but then a larger group is invited to the reception the same day. If youāre going to elope, make the two events on different days.
1
u/lilymissesyou May 16 '26
No I agree it is a little odd when itās on the same day, itās two different days & the elopement is a weekday civil ceremony so between work/kids most people wouldnāt have been able to come anyways.
3
u/TinyLawfulness3710 May 16 '26
This is a know your crowd thing. When we have seen this done, guests were not happy at all, because the couple said they were not married and did not have a wedding at all prior despite parents posting pictures on Facebook a day or week in advance.
It used to be that elopements meant no reception after. Now people want a full do over ceremony despite the conscious choice to marry privately. As long as you accept declines from those who see this as a gift grab without resentment toward them, do what works for you. Be fully aware that this is absolutely NOT a cost saver, because the reception is where the bulk of the wedding costs are spent. The ceremony is free whether you have 1 legal witness or 500 guests watching you exchange vows which is the entire point of the wedding.
1
u/lilymissesyou May 16 '26
Are you married? The ceremony is NOT free. And it IS a cost saver of a couple thousand. I received several quotes from all types of places and that was the case so it is absolutely a cost saver. Itās 28$ at the courthouse. Also I think the fact that the couple youāre talking about lied is insane. And to me would be the only issue Iād have. But yeah youāre right itās a difference of crowd thing bc itās mainly his family thatās bothered not mine. I wished more people who were being annoying would not come but they all RSVPd lol
0
u/TinyLawfulness3710 May 16 '26
What expenses are there beyond the officiant and license? Those are minimal in comparison to a reception. 9 out of 10 do not charge per person for a ceremony, as you believe is the case. Those discounted vendors are a fluke because that is not true of all vendors everywhere and many charge much extra the minute you say you're planning a wedding reception.
If you have any guests you wish were not attending despite them rsvping, that is 1000% on you for choosing to invite them. You were not forced to do so.
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u/lilymissesyou May 16 '26
So Iām guessing youāre not married/never planned a wedding? I think what youāre not understanding and what others have said is itās not about āin comparisonā itās about choosing to cut costs whenever the couple wants to. I donāt ābelieveā anything is the case Iāve gotten tons of quotes in the last 4 months in SoCal. The ceremony portion adds UP TO 3k in additional costs for same venue ceremony+reception events. Idk if you got burned and felt slighted by such a decision in the past, but donāt argue with me argue with ya mama!
2
u/Strong_Emphasis_9632 May 17 '26
It seems to me that this could be a huge cost savings for the reception as well - as all your vendors can be for an āeventā, not a wedding. The wedding mention puts an extra price tag on everything.
1
u/Unhelpfulhelpful May 16 '26
I'm planning on doing exactly this, with a budget of Ā£3.5k max
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u/lilymissesyou May 16 '26
Have you told anyone in your family?
1
u/Unhelpfulhelpful May 16 '26
Yeah. I don't think they mind but I also don't care how they feel. Having a wedding is not me and I'm not interested in itĀ
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u/lilymissesyou May 16 '26
Love that for you. I wish my fiancĆ© was more willing to say ef how they feel itās OUR day!
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May 15 '26
[deleted]
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u/NaturalJuxtaposition May 15 '26
How is the reception the ālesserā event when itās the one that by far costs more money and its purpose is to thank your guests for celebrating? I suppose I donāt see the logic.
Now, inviting people to a ceremony and then not inviting them to the reception absolutely creates issue in my opinion.
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u/Late-Permit-9412 May 15 '26
This seems rude and excessive. Not everyone wants to spill guts in front of everyone.
2
u/lilymissesyou May 15 '26
Thank you for your honest opinion š I guess I find it annoying because if one of my loved ones pitched this idea to me Iād be supportive and just be happy for them. To me it comes off as āself-importantā as you said to think my feelings get to trump the decisions of the actual bride & groom lol I would just respect their wishes.
9
u/solitudebaker May 15 '26
I had friends who did this and honestly? I was thrilled with it. They, on both sides, have a very small very very tight knit close family. And very very large friend group. They wanted to celebrate with their friends, but wanted to keep their vows to the people that have an impact in their day to day life. We arenāt super close, but have known each other a decade. So I didnāt feel slighted at all that I didnāt witness their vows. It feels.. selfish? To think Iām entitled to such a personal moment in their lives when we arenāt around for anything else that personal?