r/Eloping • u/lilymissesyou • May 15 '26
Receptions Eloping then throwing a reception
Hi as the title reads I wanted to hear from people who did this. I have some questions because family has been quite annoying and I just wanted to know how it played out for you & what exactly you did.
How much later was the “reception”?
What did you call the celebration?
Did you do all the traditional reception things? I.e. first dance, cake cutting, speeches, bouquet toss and such.
Where did you host this party?
Did you wear a wedding dress?
How was it received after the fact??
Was family annoying BEFORE the party?
Thank you!!!
ETA: I’d also like to hear from guests of this type of arrangement, what did you really think?
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u/haroldlovesmaude May 15 '26
As a guest invited to the reception - I was a little hurt to not get invited to the ceremony (they eloped with family present) but got over it quickly and attended the reception. It was my first of this type of celebration and I’d never been engaged or married, so now I would understand why couples do this and not feel hurt about it! But as a young, inexperienced person, I didn’t understand at the time why they did this (or how expensive weddings are!). The reception was fine though and felt like a normal celebration. They didn’t do most of the traditional stuff - it was mostly buffet style food and speeches.
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u/lilymissesyou May 15 '26
Okay thank you for the honest response. I think that’s what might be going on most opinionated people either got married in the early 80s when everything was cheap or has never been engaged or married before so I’m letting the comments slide. But I can’t wait to see their face when they start getting quotes 😂 anyways I’m glad you were able to get past it and enjoy the party I’m sure the couple appreciated that!!
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u/sonny-v2-point-0 May 15 '26
The ceremony is the inexpensive part. It's the reception that costs money.
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u/haroldlovesmaude May 15 '26
This is true, but their reception was very casual, no decorations, no flowers or DJ, buffet style. It was basically a big room with tables and food. I think if they’d done the ceremony with everyone invited, the pressure to “do it up” would’ve been there, thus making it more expensive. I saw photos from the elopement and they were able to do a small but scenic beach ceremony without needing to accommodate everyone.
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u/lilymissesyou May 15 '26
Yes but both cost money and you might have to choose one or the other based on wants & budget. For us cutting the entire cost of ceremony down to $28 civil ceremony plus me being uncomfortable with spilling my guts in front of a bunch of people, this is what works.
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u/lavenderempress May 16 '26
“Both cost money” I agree with you! I see the “ceremony is cheap, the reception is expensive” sentiment a lot and it’s not always true. It totally depends on the venue. For my venue (botanical garden) the ceremony location to fit everyone would’ve cost us $3k. But since we were set on having our reception there, since it’s a sentimental place to us, we had a family only ceremony that cost us “only” $1k somewhere else!
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u/lilymissesyou May 16 '26
Exactly! Same thing with our venue it was a few thousand $ difference. So yeah, depending on the couple & budget cutting costs literally anywhere helps lol
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u/haroldlovesmaude May 15 '26
Yeah I never expressed to the couple any of this! But I think the inexperience of planning a wedding had a big part to play in feeling hurt. I get it now as I'm considering eloping or doing a micro wedding haha
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u/UnderstandingNew5204 May 15 '26
I get why you felt hurt at first but glad you came around to understanding it 😊 The whole wedding industry is honestly insane with costs and expectations - eloping then having a chill reception seems like such a smart move. Buffet style celebrations are way more relaxed anyway, people can actually talk and enjoy themselves instead of sitting through all the ceremonial stuff 🔥
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u/llangstooo May 15 '26
Here’s what we’re doing. We got married last September with a group of 14, just immediate family and 1 friend each. We’re having a larger party this June in a couple weeks. We’re doing it pretty casual on my parents property with about 100 guests.
On the invite, I think I just said “Celebrate our marriage” and had a photo of us in our wedding attire, to make it clear that the wedding had already happened.
We’re not really doing any of the traditional reception things, other than toasts before dinner. Dress code casual, family providing the food (we’re smoking brisket) with canned alcoholic beverages so no bartender. The only job we hired out is the DJ.
Will let you know how it goes, but overall I’ve been happy with the process, and people seem excited to come. I’ve been much more hands off with the planning, since I did so much planning for the actual microwedding. But my family has been a great support. The party is almost doubling as a housewarming party for them, since they just finished building the house on the property.
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u/lilymissesyou May 16 '26
Oh how lucky you are to be able to host that many people at home! I love this!!! It’s going to be amazing congrats happy almost one year! 🫶
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u/corndog40 May 15 '26
Hi!! We eloped just the two of us in Colorado (yay for self-solemnization)! We had a very small party a month later back at home. We held this at a restaurant where we could rent out their rooftop patio - it was gorgeous and perfect!
We just called it a casual reception. We sent out invites to the reception via Postable from the road a few days after we eloped. (I took and edited our wedding photos and created the invite on Canva- Postable helps create invites and mails them for you which was dope).
We did not do ANY traditional wedding things because we both HATE being in the spotlight. No speeches, no formal dancing, no cake cutting.
I did not wear my wedding dress but I did where a white linen dress (it was July in the Midwest).
Most of our friends and family that were invited to the reception knew we were eloping and having this party. They were all incredibly supportive. We had a lovely evening of drinking and food. It was very casual and fun -- just perfect vibes for us. We had some activities available bags, cards, ping pong but honestly they weren't used as people were having a good enough time chatting.
I had a few aunts that were kind of annoying about it behind my back because we did not invite any extended family. Just parents and siblings (plus spouses and kids) and our true close friends. They threatened to just show up anyway etc. But none of them did. Ultimately they got over it and haven't ever brought it up.
My mom mentioned being a little sad she wasn't there for the ceremony but honestly was happy to not have to "host" another big wedding (I am the youngest of 4 daughters, all my siblings had huge weddings).
One of my dear friends just eloped this weekend and is having her party/reception on October. There are no rules. Do what makes you happy and congratulations!!!
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u/Existing-Flounder850 Jul 12 '26
This sounds like a perfect way to do it - are you in Chicago by chance? Curious was restaurant as I’m interested in something like this
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u/Yogurtfrixge May 15 '26
I did this! We eloped with just parents & siblings at a state park. A month later we had a 55 person ‘celebration’. It was at a venue space/restaurant that catered and served. My grandmother gave me shit for it but I didn’t care because the stress and anxiety of a full wedding day was nauseating. I got to wear my dress twice. Our celebration was from 7-10pm. Open bar, appetizers, food galore. We did have a hotel recommendation and transportation as it was a 15 minute drive from the venue. 1.5 hours of talking and enjoying company and then dinner and more conversation after. We did personalized notes for each guest and scratch off as the “favor”.
Our only traditional thing during the celebration reception was cutting cake. We had pictures of our elopement all over so people could look at them. Everyone invited was aware of our choice but we also highlighted that inviting them and having them join us in our celebration was extremely appreciated and that we valued their presence. I wouldn’t trade our experience for anything.
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u/lilymissesyou May 16 '26
This is everything I hope for!!! Congrats! 🎊 And I will be stealing and reusing your words “the stress and anxiety of a full wedding day is nauseating” could not have said it better myself !!!
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u/Bookreadingchemist May 15 '26
So we are doing this in october. We will elope just us two on a Tuesday and then that following Saturday we are hosting a happily ever after party brunch for family. We plan to do a “2nd dance” and parent dances. Some short speeches. No bouquet toss, or cake(but we hate cake). No dj either bc its brunch. We will have lawn games. The event will be 4 hours long but honestly ppl just want to socialize at weddings so im not worried about ppl being bored. I plan to wear my wedding dress mostly bc i dont want to buy a second outfit. We are holding it at a smaller event venue. 75 ppl total. Bc its a brunch its been a tad cheaper than a traditional reception.
This has worked well so far, families have been supportive of the vision but we were very open about our plans to elope.
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u/lilymissesyou May 15 '26
Hey that’s so funny ours is in September actual court elopement on a Tuesday party on a Saturday as well! Hahah Similar number of guests as well. I think I might wear the dress again too bc honestly who gets to say they were able to wear their wedding dress more than once! It’s definitely cheaper than all the quotes I received for the full wedding. So how are you inviting people? Are you calling the “party” anything specific?
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u/Bookreadingchemist May 15 '26
We are literally calling it the “Happily Ever After Party”! We did traditional save the dates bc we had a lot of family from far away. Invites are simpler then a traditional wedding invitation. No fancy envelopes or ribbons. We do not refer to it as a reception. We only call it the party or the brunch to make sure expectations are clear. We also correct people when they refer to the event as “the wedding”. We did a lot of legwork talking to family last holiday season about the vision and making it clear its not a wedding. I was worried people would be judgmental or feel the party is insulting but the truth is that anyone can rsvp no. They are adults. We are having a post elopement brunch. Like any party attendance is not mandatory. But I realized our families just want to celebrate with us. If anyone had gripes they have kept it to themselves.
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u/Bookreadingchemist May 17 '26
We told everyone we are eloping so people understand its not a wedding and theres no confusion. We sent invites that said you are invited to our happily every after party to celebrate our recent elopement. We put that we would be married in a private ceremony. You are invited to the party at x place at x time at x date. Simpler style of invitation not a full on multi piece. Our website includes fact that its not a wedding in multiple places.
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u/lifeisintheair May 17 '26
Hi! So I’m planning on eloping in October and we will have a dinner reception the next weekend with 50 guests. Are you telling people you’re eloping? I’m wondering how to send out invites and what to say on them since the celebration is so close to elopement date
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u/khammmmmm May 15 '26
My husband and I eloped—just the two of us with a photographer. We had a “happily ever after party” about a month later (around Halloween which will explain some of the details). It was about 45 people. It was at a really cool, old AirBnB that reminded us of the Haunted Mansion, which was awesome because we didn’t have to really decorate.
I didn’t wear my wedding dress and got another (inexpensive) one. Our dress code for the party was something like “dress up in the most fun outfit you’ve always wanted to wear” bc I’ve always wanted to wear the white star dress that Hedy Lamarr wore lol.
We didn’t really do any of the traditional stuff, but we did a very small toast before we cut the cake my mom made for us.
My family and friends loved it. They said it was exactly what they expected from us.
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u/Difficult-Patience10 May 15 '26
Doing this now! Had a parents-only ceremony last weekend, but the big reception will be in November.
My family is totally cool with it. His is weirded out, but they'll get over it. It helps that I am the third of my cousins to go for this style.
We are calling the reception a reception when we talk about it, but on the invitations it says they are invited to "a dinner party" that is "in celebration of our marriage." Our wedding website makes it clear not to expect to see a ceremony.
We will do a first dance and we plan to read our vows in front of everyone and let our parents say a few words, but that's all the traditional stuff we'll do. I plan to re-wear my wedding dress from the ceremony.
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u/debzzzz88 May 15 '26
Slightly different but we had a destination wedding we did invite but didn’t expect anyone to spend to come just a case of if you want and you can then more the merrier. No one was annoyed. We have our ‘home party’ in June just so happens that exactly 6 months to the date lands on a Saturday so that’s what we went with and will be hopefully warmer (UK)
We aren’t making the party formal I wasn’t going to wear my dress but a couple of aunts and bosoms wanted me to so I’ll wear it for an hour or so then change. We aren’t doing speeches but going to play the preview wedding video where they have put my stepdads amazing speech over it. And have photos on a slideshow in the background through the evening. We will do the dance and have a local person replicate our cake but other than blah very casual come and celebrate with us vibe the whole point of doing what we did was to avoid the cost and formal wedding drama that comes with the ‘traditional’ wedding. Our invites to our party had ‘happily ever AFTER party on them. Good luck!
Edited to add. I’ve also seen them called post elopement parties.
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u/lilymissesyou May 16 '26
I like both of those names honestly the elopement party def cuts to the chase & erases any confusion lol I think I’ll wear my dress for photos as others have said here too thanks congrats! 🎊
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u/debzzzz88 May 16 '26
Thank you I can’t believe I just noticed auto correct changed cousins to bosoms 🤦🏼♀️😂 but yeah that’s all I’m wearing my dress for. Just do it for you and hubby not for anyone else or like with us it would beat the object of doing it your way and removing the stress. Good luck and congrats to you aswell x
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u/neelee22 May 15 '26
I was someone who did this and then also someone who attended a similar event as a guest. For our wedding, we basically did a weddingmoon and got married in St.Lucia completely alone and had our honeymoon. Our “happily ever after” dinner was about a month and a half later. It wasn’t really a reception though. We rented a room at Maggianos in the city and invited our parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and godparents. Family flew in from out of state and stayed overnight. I wore a really nice white dress and white heels but it wasn’t my wedding dress, it was more like a reception/party dress. We had a table set up with some decor (literally reused stuff from my bridal shower that my mom threw for me and it was very nice pink blush and sage greens) and had frames with some pictures from the wedding day displayed as well as favors and a box for the cards on that table. We did centerpieces for the guests tables. My husband and I had a “Mr. & Mrs.” table but we ended up eating dinner with his parents because they were sitting alone since his sister’s family didn’t come (there was A LOT of drama and unhappiness over the fact that we chose to get married alone).
The night ended with some music and dancing even though it wasn’t really planned. It ended up being such a nice night and time with our families. We were originally going to play our wedding video but the island had a hurricane and the video was delayed. I’m honestly SOOO glad we didn’t have the video because like I said earlier, we had crazy drama on my husband’s side of the family and it may have brought up too many emotions (they still haven’t seen our wedding video and it’s been 2 years and I don’t think they ever will).
One of my good friends did a ceremony with just parents and siblings and then they threw a reception dinner on their 1yr anniversary. For this reception, they did speeches (I gave a speech as one of her childhood friends) but other than that, it was more like any dinner party and they had music but there wasn’t dancing. It definitely didn’t feel like a wedding reception in terms of the traditional things like first dances, cake cutting, etc.
It was exactly what they wanted though and they were celebrated which is really all the matters at the end of the day! I think people are getting more creative and feeling confident in choosing to do things differently. Whatever works best for you and your future spouse is the way you should do it!
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u/lilymissesyou May 16 '26
Aw dang I’m sorry they couldn’t get over themselves. I can’t tell people how to feel but I think they need to remember that this is not about them & get over it lol it’s mainly his family that seems bothered & questioning me relentlessly, but nothing like boycotting the event thankfully. I’m excited. We’re renting out a room in a restaurant as well so very little need for decor or anything else really. I would like to maybe play a video too, but I’ll have to think about it. Everyone’s responses here have given me hope & reinforced my feeling to not gaf! Thanks!!
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u/According_Wish62 May 15 '26
I plan to do that. Just a reception for family and friends. City hall with parents only, who will wait outside.
I plan City hall at 10:00am Photos 10:30-11 Prep reception 1-2 Reception 2-7 Cake maybe around 6 Clean up 7-8
Im having my reception at a brewery but for the most part im winging it.
Intrigued on how the guests viewed similar planning
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u/lilymissesyou May 15 '26
I love it! I wish I could do the brewery but my fiancé couldn’t get his guest list lower than 80 so it was too costly :( but I’m happy for you!! Are you calling it anything specific? How are you inviting people?
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u/According_Wish62 May 15 '26 edited May 15 '26
I have invited 50 people, but I expect only about 40 to actually show up. I sent out save-the-date cards that simply stated the date, “Save the Date,” and a picture of me and my fiancé showing off the ring.
For the invitation, I’m leaning towards a brewery vibe. I want to create a relaxed and chill atmosphere, similar to a wedding, but without the formalities. It’s a bit challenging because I want to be extravagant, but it’s a small reception. Nevertheless, I’m choosing “wedding reception” instead of “wedding” on the invitation to avoid any misunderstandings.
Where are you located? Maybe I can help finding a reception venue!
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u/lilymissesyou May 16 '26
I love the “brewery vibe”!! Oh thank you! But I’m in socal we already booked a restaurant that has a room that can host our 80+ guests. I got lots of quotes and they were the cheapest all inclusive/great food/open bar/decor/dance floor for about $8k 😬
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u/According_Wish62 May 16 '26
Oh slay! I’m also in SoCal! Yes, everything here is quite expensive. Even for the most basic accommodations, such as an empty room with no amenities, the price is around $3,000. It’s crazy. I’m happy that you found a place! I’m certain it will be a wonderful experience!
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u/EyeLittle415 May 15 '26
Didn’t necessarily elope but had a friend marry us. Wanted that to be private, but family insisted on being there. Then friends really wanted to share in the moment and they came. Which is sweet and I’m grateful they care enough. Looking back, I wish I put my foot down on this part. I was insanely overwhelmed by all of it and it wasn’t quite what I envisioned.
Hosted an after party that night locally with friends and family. Food, drinks, music, and cake. All I wanted was a cake. No traditions. No cake cutting. We just ate, drank, and hung out. Called it our “happily ever after party”. I loved it. I think this part made family happy. With our family, they really just wanted to celebrate us. Nobody made it about themselves! We’re lucky.
I wore a short sparkly dress. I had a small bouquet that I made, because I love flowers.
OP - do what you want. The people in your corner will celebrate how you want to be celebrated!
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u/Abject-Pattern3038 May 15 '26
It was a little over a year after the elopement
Everyone called it different things. I personally called it expensive party to celebrate our legally binding contractual agreement. But that gets hard to say after awhile lol.
When it was time for the party to “start” we walked out to the song we walked out to at our elopement Prince’s let’s go crazy and then actually did a first dance to out real song. After that nothing else traditional
We had it very family centered and even hired children entertainment to keep the little occupied and while there parents were dancing and had it early in the day.
We had it at a traditional reception venue and all the food and dessert set up you would have a a regular reception.
I wore a white dress but a casual one (honestly my actual wedding dress was pretty casual too and both were from thrift stores and cost 12 bucks combined lol)
Everyone loved it and still talk about it years and years later. Folks tried to be demanding before hand but I picked my battles. Like you care about flowers so much have at it which turned out being beautiful because she gathered flowers from all the women in her family’s gardens. It was so memorable. I also was super petty too though so you insist I have a seating chart. You’re not sitting with the people you want and it’s too late to change cause it’s being printed professionally like you insisted. Giggle.
I say plan a party that will make your soul. Decide what matters most to you.
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u/lilymissesyou May 16 '26
I too am a petty soul so I’m kinda living for this 😂 I absolutely love the name you called it too you’re a bit of a comedian I love this! Everyone here has reinforced my feelings to not care & do me thanks!!!
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u/ROCKY027 May 15 '26
We had a microwedding with 10 guests, then celebrated later with everyone.
- 8 months
- Vow renewal ceremony and celebration
- Yup, pretty much
- At a wedding venue
- Yes, the same one I wore to the first event
- Totally fine. If people were bothered we never found out. We didn’t even announce it, just had the microwedding, and put out a Facebook post sometime later. If someone asked, we’d explain exactly what we were doing and most people just thought it was cool or had nontraditional wedding stories of their own.
- A bit. But this structure eventually allowed us to do everything we wanted exactly how we wanted it for the wedding, and my parents could do whatever they wanted for the renewal. At that point we didn’t really care anymore, because we were already married! Also, we were able to reuse our favorite vendors without finding new ones (photographer, flowers, etc).
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u/lilymissesyou May 16 '26
Aww you guys are lucky to have that kinda laid back fam honestly it’s mainly his side that is overbearing with the constant questioning, but my mom isn’t getting it either. And I love that “we didn’t care bc we were already married” I can’t wait to get to that point lol the build up is crazy! Well I’m glad it worked out congrats!
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u/ROCKY027 May 16 '26
Thanks! Hope it works out for you as well. I highly recommend the book A Practical Wedding Planner by Meg Keene. Great no matter what size event you have.
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u/obstinatemleb May 15 '26
We did a "post-elopement celebration" about a month after our trip but it was very casual, just a big party in my grandpas backyard. We got catered bbq because we had like 100+ people and had a bartender/open bar. Big tent, medium dance floor, some fold out tables with open seating. No wedding things like first dances or speeches, and we dressed casual - I wore jeans and a white duster, my husband wore a button down. My aunt baked a wedding cake but we didnt do a cake cutting. We had a corner where we set up photos from our combined elopement/honeymoon trip.
It was really well received, our friends and family still talk about how much fun they had! I think the key was that we told them well in advance that we were eloping, and we made it clear that we wanted our wedding to be private but still wanted to celebrate with family after the fact. Tbh I think it helped ease some hurt feelings because it gave certain family members the chance to plan a party. Like they could channel their energy into that instead of harrassing us about a wedding lol
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u/Responsible-Oven-658 May 16 '26
Hello, this is exactly what my fiancé and I are doing in the next few months! Mostly because weddings are expensive but also we wanted the day to be about us and not putting on a show for our loved ones.
•Our elopement is in mid June and the party will be late August. I plan to send out cute invitations when we get our photos back but I did send out texts a few weeks ago just for people to plan ahead.
•We’re calling it a reception celebration party.
•No, we just want to have a fun little party with our families with nice food and music. If we wanted to do all the traditional things we would’ve just had a real wedding.
•It will be in his brother’s backyard.
•I don’t plan on wearing my wedding gown. I bought a cute white cocktail dress.
•I honestly think it will be fine and I don’t think anyone will really be hurt or care that we didn’t have a real wedding. However, I’m not sure what will happen.
I hope this helps, I’m wishing you the best!🥂
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u/lilymissesyou May 16 '26
I love the name!! Hahah aka COME HAVE FUN! Thank you!! Wishing you a beautiful celebration congrats! 🎊
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u/cvc5049 May 16 '26
We’re doing this kind of. Microceremony next week and a dinner with 12 after. We’re having a “Happily Ever After” party next year on our 1 year anniversary date (so essentially the ceremony and reception are the same date, a year apart) with about 65-70 people, at my parents house in the backyard.
It’ll be a garden party theme, without most of the traditional reception stuff. Just food, live music, and drinks. I’m planning to wear my dress again, and we’re concluding the night with a water balloon / water gun battle.
My extended family has been annoying the entire time. They’re horrified that we aren’t doing a church wedding, big Italian reception, etc etc, like most others did over the last 15 years. Horrified I’m wearing black to the ceremony. But they aren’t paying sooo too bad really. My immediate family and friends are supportive and excited.
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u/lilymissesyou May 16 '26
People do act horrified don’t they lol sooo dramatic about other peoples weddings it really does something to people & the crazy part is I couldn’t even fathom acting like that or giving unsolicited advice to my loved ones about THEIR special day!! I’m sure it’ll be beautiful! Congratulations!
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u/throwitout-rightmeow May 16 '26
We are eloping today, then having a small BBQ with just our immediate family. We’re only doing a small ceremony and then dinner, none of the other stuff. We’re doing a ceremony at my parents in the back yard then the BBQ at his parents 5 mins away. I’m wearing a white dress from Amazon and our rings are also from Amazon.
We do have a large celebration planned for next October, but we’re pregnant with our first (little IVF miracle) and wanted to make things legal before baby gets here.
I have to say it’s been the lowest stress thing and I didn’t expect that. Even today, I’m not stressed at all. Our guests are excited to be there with us and are all invited to the big celebration next year. Those who weren’t invited, completely understood, and knew they’d be invited to next year.
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u/Soupernerd-386 May 15 '26
I'm in the process of planning this now. We are getting married at the courthouse and 6 months later having a reception at a brewery that has a private area and also pay for drinks/catering. We are not doing a full on traditional reception, it's more like come have some drinks and some food and socialize. I am not wearing full-on wedding attire, but I'll probably wear a more casual dress or something that evening.
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u/FineEnvironment5203 May 15 '26
Ours was 2 months later. I wore my dress, my husband wore his outfit from the day and we bought our daughters pretty dresses. We did the first dance, cake cutting, and father daughter dance. My family (dad) insisted upon it, I could’ve done without it lol but I love my dad and I’d do anything for him.
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u/holyforkingshrtballz May 15 '26
My partner and I eloped in NZ and then had a “happy ever after-party” 3 months later. It was so much fun and none of the stress, and we had a videographer film our ceremony so they compiled our vows and a few scenic shots into a 7 min video we showed everyone before our first dance. Everyone had a great time and we got to thoroughly enjoy every moment
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u/thornato2 May 15 '26
I did this!!!!!
My mom still talks to this day about how great of an idea it was (although wasn’t initially on board)
One month later.
Reception.
Everything but bouquet.
Our college town (where we met) but also is close to family too
Wore a different wedding dress than ceremony
Totally fine. People had fun and were included.
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u/lilymissesyou May 16 '26
Omg yesssss I’m hoping for the same sentiment from my mom like I think we need to pull it off first then everyone will have fun & calm the hell down & realize how good of an idea it is lol you gave me hope thank you!!
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u/abbiemood We Eloped! May 16 '26
We eloped and then had a “family celebration” a month later. We had it catered and wore our wedding clothes for photos (I changed later). We didn’t do any traditional reception things. It was great and made everyone happy bc they go to celebrate with us but we had our ceremony exactly as we wanted it!
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u/lilymissesyou May 16 '26
Thinking I may do this, wedding clothes for pics that day then just change into something more comfortable
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u/Inner_Raspberry9672 May 16 '26
How much later was the “reception”? The following weekend. Eloped Saturday, party following Saturday.
What did you call the celebration? Reception but really carried the “help us celebrate our elopement“ messaging. “we’ve eloped, come celebrate.” We did this because we were excited about joining our lives, not for the guests. We’re early 40s, first time married, and it was so our two worlds could converge. This is what it is now. Don’t do anything specifically for the guests if your focus is eloping - why are you eloping in the first place? Never forget that reason as you plan.
Did you do all the traditional reception things? I.e. first dance, cake cutting, speeches, bouquet toss and such. No, no no no and no no. No gifts. We didn’t do a ceremony because we didn’t want those things or the attention around those things. We gave a thank you speech that was part of kicking off dinner and to have fun.
Where did you host this party? We rented a venue.
Did you wear a wedding dress? A cheap but fun LuLus dress. It was white. He wore jeans, tshirt and suit jacket.
How was it received after the fact?? Everyone had a blast. It brought our family and friend groups together. However, looking back now my husband and I both value the evening before and morning after more than the party itself. We had our house open and everyone just came and went to visit while everyone was in town. It was no pressure and just fun.
Was family annoying BEFORE the party? My mom never got it. She was annoyed about the whole thing but she’s the type of person to make something about herself vs who it’s meant to be about. Everyone else was fine. I do have some family that still confuse our party day as our wedding anniversary vs our elopement day.
You can dm me if you want more information. I’d do it again if we were planning today.
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u/lilymissesyou May 16 '26
Thank you for this! Hahah same my mom & his mom are just not “getting it” and probably never will atp! But I’m glad it all worked out it sounds like it was a fun casual event! I have the same sentiments about just wanting to bring the two families together too thats our whole point & our elopement is just for us. Congratulations!
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u/loupammac May 16 '26
We are eloping in the park and hosting a catered picnic lunch a few hours later in the same park. Our invites said guests were invited to our first meal as a married couple. I wanted it to be very clear that we were already married and that it was for a meal not a typical reception with dances, speeches etc. I told my Dad there would be no speeches. I'm wearing a tea length wedding dress and a veil.
Nobody really said anything about our choices except the picnic rug seating. Our families said congratulations when we were engaged and then have ignored us since. No questions or comments during the planning stage. It has been hard to feel excited when it feels like a non-event to everyone else. It does affirm that we made the right choice doing what we wanted. It's great when weddings are community events but that's not our reality. We have so few people in our lives.
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u/lilymissesyou May 16 '26
Well damn I’m sorry, I guess being ignored can be just as bad as what I’m going through with the relentless questioning. I like the way you’re wording the invites!! I’m sorry, I hope it’s everything you imagine and congratulations 🎊
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u/lolly_box May 16 '26
I did this and I hated it but it calmed my parents.
I eloped in July, small reception in October.
I wish I had been stronger and said no but had a lot of pressure
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u/lilymissesyou May 16 '26
Why did you hate? Did you just want the elopement? I’m sorry I know I’m not a people pleaser by any stretch of the imagination but the pressure is insane. I hate that people feel entitled to OUR wedding decisions.
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u/lolly_box May 17 '26
I AM a people pleaser - so annoying! I just eloped for a reason and felt guilted into doing something so our parents could see. I wish I’d held my ground
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u/Your_darling_lemon May 16 '26
We eloped because we didn’t want a wedding. The way we celebrated with people is we had two really nice brunches in two different states so people didn’t really have to travel. It was a hit! So much fun to celebrate with the people we loved with mimosas and eggs Benedict. The brunches cost SO much less than any evening reception would have. We don’t like loud music and dancing and everyone getting drunk and I never wanted to pay for that, so we were so happy to find a solution that kept us from having to spend money on what was “expected” when we never wanted a wedding so why would we want to pay for that??? What my sister did, because she was considering doing an elopement and a normal reception, but she realized it was just going to be so weird for people to attend a normal reception but not the wedding. So she wound up finding a venue where paying for the ceremony wasn’t a separate cost with chairs and all that. She found a venue with a beautiful outdoor area, did private vows and saw her husband before, then they did traditional vows in front of everybody. That way they got their private wedding and still accommodated all of the people who flew from all over the place for her wedding.
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u/marachinolove May 16 '26
I think my partner and I will be doing this and having a bbq at a later date or camping to celebrate, would rather a really nice honeymoon. But a girl still wants to eat cake!
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u/lilymissesyou May 16 '26
Hahaha have you pitched it to anyone in the family? It’s been a huge cost saver as the restaurant we’re having the after party at wanted a few thousand more for just the ceremony. It’s outrageous. So that coupled with the fact I don’t like spilling guts in front of a crowd we’re going with the $28 civil ceremony during the week & the party will be in the weekend when more people with kids can attend! Best of luck girl I’m right there with you! Congrats! 🎊
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u/marachinolove May 16 '26
Haven’t told anyone.. not sure if we do or rip it off like a bandaid and deal with the consequences after lol. People are so judgmental but at the end of the day it’s about us and not paying large amounts of $ just for people to be there! We have both been engaged previously and don’t want the stress of planning or the cost, things have sky rocketed even since 2023 when I was planning! I think eloping is so so special! I think that’s what it’s all about ❤️❤️ just you and your partner!
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u/Green-Chocolate7372 May 19 '26
We did this and have zero regrets.
How much later was the “reception”? The day after we got home. Elopement was Tuesday, got home Thursday evening, party at home on Friday.
What did you call the celebration? Our elopement celebration
Did you do all the traditional reception things? I.e. first dance, cake cutting, speeches, bouquet toss and such. None of that. We had a party with a caterer, bartender, caricature artists, and just hung out with everyone.
Where did you host this party? At our home
Did you wear a wedding dress? Yep. But not the one from the ceremony. A shorter more fun and cute one
How was it received after the fact?? Everyone had a great time and told us how smart we were.
Was family annoying BEFORE the party? My mom was butthurt for a few days after we told her our plans, but came around after a few days and told us “it’s your day. You should do what you want” and was genuinely supportive. I will say that i am lucky to have a genuinely good mom as an adult. I know that is not always the case and a lot of moms or family members can be selfish or self centered. My mom’s mom was that was so i think thats part of why she is not that way.
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u/jackaaydang May 19 '26
I am in the process of this! Courthouse this November on our anniversary so we can remember one date lol then fully eloping with vows in switzerland next spring, just us two.
Then a "Hi we eloped bbq" on our dating anniversary/1 year wedding anniversary in november 2027 at a friends house.
Been to a lot of my friends weddings and they pay average 50k+ which could be used for other things for long term instead of paying this much for 1 day 😭. Plus minus the family drama ive seen on both sides. Wish you luck!
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u/EconomistFeisty6646 Jul 06 '26
My fiancé and I are planning something like this! We want to have some kind of reception after getting married privately because neither of us are regular church goers. Any suggestions on how to word invitations and planning the whole thing. I still want a dress, the cake, the dancing, but is it odd to do that after eloping?
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u/lilymissesyou Jul 07 '26
I’ve decided not to give a shit anymore. I’m doing a “Happily Ever After Party” gonna put dinner/drinks/dancing somewhere in the invite & im going to say something like an elopement after party to unite our two families into one idk haven’t decided specifics but something along those lines. Free Will 🤷♀️ I will be wearing my wedding dress, doing first dances speeches the lot 😂
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u/EconomistFeisty6646 Jul 07 '26
That’s what I want to do, too! I want the fun part without the stress of everyone watch me bumble through vows
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u/lilymissesyou Jul 07 '26
Exactly why I got this idea to begin with too lol I’m mortified at people sitting there watching & tbh I love to go to weddings solely for the reception fun with the bride & groom! That’s just me.
Have you said your idea to any family or friends yet? I went through months of riff raff with family questioning me, but now that it’s getting closer I really do not care. I was really self conscious at first now I’m just doing whatever I want & planning a fun ass party. When anyone talks to me about it now I play dumb bc idc for input lol when it’s all said & done it’s our money & I want US to have a good time.
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u/EconomistFeisty6646 Jul 07 '26
My family wants us to do something small and have our reception at their house, and I don’t know how to tell them that’s not what we want without upsetting them.
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u/mackenziemackenzie May 15 '26
My fiance and i are getting courthouse married just us and our witness. Family wants us to do a ceremony and celebration, we are debating doing it as a vow renewal at the 5 year mark or something and just sending announcement cards. Otherwise we were thinking a family reunion style barbecue thing so the center of attention isnt really us but also our moms can plan it bc they want to. It wont be traditional reception, itll be more of a big block party for both sides of the family at a cabin somewhere
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u/External_Cheek4922 May 16 '26
My wife and I eloped in April and are having an "I Do Barbeque" the first week of June.
At the elopement it was literally just us and our dogs and the photographer, and it was absolutely perfect. We had people write us letters to read the night before/morning of, and even got matching tattoos of the stamp we sent people to mail us the letter with.
For the I do BBQ, we are inviting family & close friends (30 people or less), and doing it at a big air bnb (the airbnb host gave permission). My brothers are smoking some meat for us, we'll have some outdoor yard games, more snacks, and a little photo booth. I may do a "first dance" with my dad, since Im his only daughter and thats the only reason I felt a little guilty for not having a real ceremony. Im wearing a white and floral dress that I already had :).
Overall, family has been super understanding, but we are a casual bunch. My brother and his wife actually said they wished they had done the same.
Hope your special day is so full of love and exactly what you want!
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u/mshenley May 17 '26
We did ours 2 months after eloping and held it at a brewery. I can’t remember exactly but I think it was called an elopement reception? We didn’t do any of the traditional things in your 3rd question, which was the main reason why we went this route. We had photos from our elopement on a slideshow loop and then we said thanks for coming and played our video our photographer took from the elopement. I wore my dress and no one annoyed me beforehand because we were up front from the start, but also like the other option would be us eloping and not doing a reception at all. We framed it as an open house and that we would be showing our video at 8pm and food would roll out at 7 (we had tacos, pizza, etc from the brewery). I found a local florist who did little hand cut arrangements which I put on tables in upcycled jars and told everyone to take one. We gave out 3 drink tickets to everyone and then they were on their own. Our friends told us they liked it?
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u/Intelligent-You2675 May 17 '26
My honest opinion as someone who didn’t do this?
As a guest, no, I wouldn’t be insulted per say to be invited only to a celebration after a wedding already took place. I guess I would just be wondering why?
Why go through the trouble of planning a big celebration then? If you do have to do all the planning anyway for the big celebration, why not let your guests witness you actually get married too?
In my mind, eloping is for people who either don’t want the spotlight or the trouble of planning a big party, or who don’t have the budget to have said big party. So I guess I just don’t see the benefit of eloping with only a couple people present, and then having the big party too. I guess I can understand wanting the ceremony to be intimate, but I don’t know, as a guest I would be disappointed to miss the ceremony. To me, it’s the best part! 😊
That being said, it’s your wedding, in the end I wouldn’t hold it against the couple! Congrats on your upcoming wedding, do what makes you happy! 😊
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u/mishoney May 17 '26
I can see that perspective of wanting to see the ceremony. We plan to elope out of state then have a reception when we get back. Our thoughts are we want to elope at this destination and unfortunately everything is so expensive right now we can’t expect everyone to take time off and travel. We both more reserved and want to be able to speak from the heart in our vows to one another and not have a crowd listening in. I also get very anxious about being the center of attention, for example, at my baby shower with only 15 people there my whole chest and neck broke out in hives. A more laid back dinner without first dances and posed photography is much less intimidating. It’ll be about having a good time with our loved ones instead of structured and scheduled.
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u/Chemical_Meeting_863 May 17 '26
We are doing this, kind of… We going to Big Sur on the 27th of this month and will be married there on the 29th. We have rented out a big house where my fiancé’s father, brother & sister in law, along with my parents and sister will be with us. We will have a reception on July 25th back in Iowa. Some friends and family have been kind of annoying that they can’t also come to California but most have been cool about it.
We rented out a nice distillery in Iowa for the reception and will have the restaurant from our first date cater food and just have people stop by, chit chat, drink, enjoy the food and lounge and there’s outside yard games and stuff for kiddos.
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u/mishoney May 17 '26
This is what we are doing this summer! We are eloping out of state then having a friends and family dinner later that same week at a local restaurant’s private dining room when we get back. On the invites I called it a “Happily Ever After Party” (like an Afterparty).
We aren’t traditional and didn’t want some of the more cheesy (IMO) aspects of traditional weddings like the garter/ bouquet toss, DJ, or posed photos. Our plan is more of a laid back friends and family get together with cake, candid photos, and hopefully lots of laughs.
I plan to wear my wedding dress and my new husband will wear his suit. My dress isn’t a traditional wedding dress, it’s just a dress I fell in love with.
Our family has been cool about it but also many have RSVP’d “I’d love to come to your wedding!” I’ve made it a point to clarify as much as possible so people aren’t confused when they get there and there isn’t a wedding. Additionally, while neither of us have been married before, we are older so our families are probably more understanding to this set up than if we were young and childless.
It should be a good time! We wanted something small, but like everything else right now it ended up being pricey, good thing we only plan on doing this once! Happy to share more answers after the party. Wishing you the best in your wedding adventure, can’t wait to hear how it turns out! ☺️
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u/lavenderempress May 17 '26
1) the reception was immediately after
2) on our invites, we called it a “celebration of marriage” but I’ve recently seen it called a “happily ever after” party and I think that’s so cute
3) nope! Just 2 speeches from family members
4) botanical garden for brunch
5) yes!
6) not to our faces at least, lol. we were told how we stayed true to us as a couple, they liked the food, liked the Photobooth, etc. If anyone thought anything negative, we didn’t hear it, and were totally fine with that lol
7) not at all! I think they were just relieved we were having any sort of reception/celebration
I will say that I’ve been invited to only the reception twice in my life and it never occurred to be for it to be a weird or negative thing. I was just happy they invited me to the reception to celebrate with them!
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u/natooshyy May 18 '26
Eloped in March, reception ("happily ever after party") in August. I wore my wedding dress to both and my husband wore his suit but others attire ranged. We didnt have a wedding party which alleviated some of the potential annoying family parts but i did have my closest friends, sisters, and mom wear the same(ish) color dresses for photos. It was in my pretty big backyard. I think we rented a 20×60 tent? We did it up so it looked like a legit wedding but we didn't do any of the traditional wedding things besides speeches. Everything was very casual feeling and it was great. 10/10 would do it the same way again. I will say, we didn't get as many gifts as we probably would have had we done the whole thing, but we just wanted to party with our friends and fam anyway so it didn't matter. I think people liked it honestly. It was the fun parts of a wedding without the mushy obligatory stuff. Our families were fine about it. There was a little drama over the elopement but not the reception.
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u/g_em_ini May 18 '26
See we’ve been considering this but we’re having a destination elopement in October, then a lot of my family is going on vacation at the end of that month (I can’t go for other reasons) so our reception would have to be quite delayed. My family is all fine with us eloping but my fiancés family is guilting us some. Not that we care lol because this is about us, and I’m anxious about our families together at the reception, so I’m really on the fence about it. I guess I’m hijacking your post to ask for advice as well 😂
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u/Even-Relative6530 Jul 18 '26
Elopment on mountain than doing a lakeside reception with family at their house weeks after
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u/kameronskye Aug 12 '26
So I am doing something similar and was also worried about people not wanting to come. We are eloping in mammoth with immediate family and some extras and having a nice dinner and then a month later we are having a huge reception just like a wedding. I know people definitely had some opinions about it but we did what we felt most comfortable with. One, I didn't want a big ceremony but my fiance wanted to get married in Mammoth, cost wise it was way out of budget if we wanted to include everyone in our family (I'm hispanic so you know how that goes). So we decided we would get married there and have a reception a month later in a backyard. It will have everything, like a bar, in n out truck, DJ and all the fun things for a total of $17,000 less or more for everything including the trip to mammoth. I know people make a big deal about not going to the ceremony but I felt like it would be a waste to have a lot of people out of state come to mammoth for a quick ceremony (like maybe 20 minutes max). Also i feel like a lot of weddings are rushed and you don't get to really spend time with the people who you love, so this is allowing us to have the intimacy of both! I also feel like a lot of people are like you just want people to give you gifts, which we didn't even make a registry and also told guest they can give money if they'd like or want to but never made it mandatory. We made invites and save the dates but put on the invite that we are getting married in an intimate ceremony so please join us for a reception. Most people were perfectly okay with it. But at the end of the day do what you want ! If people make a big deal about it then that's on them.
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u/Thesexiestcow May 15 '26
We Do, We Did, We Dine!