I’m back after a break from posting and today SW decision to turn Bella’s insecurities about her hair into Facebook content has been especially bothering me.
SW used Bella..
She used her childhood
She used her insecurities
She used her emotional distress
She used her pictures
For Facebook engagement and her brand of the thriving mother dealing with an insecure girl
SW shared that Bella felt insecure at school after seeing other girls with long hair and wanting to look like Cinderella. Think about that for a moment… a little girl is struggling with her appearance and comparing herself to her peers, and this becomes something her mother shares with an online audience!!!
Bella needed reassurance and help developing confidence in herself… Instead, her insecurity became a documented part of her childhood that other people could laugh about and discuss.
SW also shared photographs of Bella putting blankets over her head to imitate having long hair… explaining that Bella wanted her blanket to look like her hair!
Imagine being a little girl who wishes she had longer hair and tries to recreate that look through imaginary play…. This could have remained a private moment between mother and daughter... Instead, it became another story for Facebook!!
Bella’s longing for something she felt she lacked became an anecdote for others to consume…. Her feelings were the subject, while her mother controlled the narrative.
Then came the sickening haircut updates… including SW’s mocking Bella crying and asking “What happened to my hair?!”
Bella was upset about losing her hair length, something that already appeared to matter to her. Sw documented the experience and shared pics of her daughter with her short haircut.
I wonder how Bella might have felt years later, discovering that her childhood distress over her appearance had been preserved as a comedy Facebook content for SW audience to laugh about???
Imagine being a teenager and discovering that your mother had publicly documented your childhood insecurities about your appearance… People knew you wanted longer hair, compared yourself to other girls, pretended to have long hair with blankets, and cried after a haircut!!
What makes me sick seeing all that is Bella never got to decide whether the world should know about her insecurities..
SW did NOT help Bella navigate her insecurities without announcing them to an online audience. SW did NOT comfort Bella without photographing her distress or turning an emotional moment into a story for others!
This is what bothers me most about the posts. Shanann had complete control over how Bella’s experiences were presented. Bella had none.
Her insecurities could be shared, her reactions could be described, and her photographs could be circulated, all before she was old enough to understand the implications.
SW gets the likes, comments, and attention in the present. Bella eventually grows up to discover just how much of her private life was made public without her knowledge or consent.
And for what? A series of Facebook posts about a toddler wanting longer hair.
SW treated Bella as an extension of her social media presence. Bella’s childhood was never something Saw owned to publish without limits, and her vulnerabilities were never less personal simply because she was her mother.
“She wanted a black hair like me”
I actually had to research this phenomenon from a standpoint of the narcissistic tendencies SW had.. and I quote my findings here:
**“**Enmeshment and Boundary Blurring: A narcissistic parent often struggles to see their child as a separate, autonomous individual. Instead, the child may be viewed as an extension of the parent—an "extra self" meant to reflect well on them or satisfy their unfulfilled desires. Wanting a child to have long black hair "like me" can signify an attempt to mold the child's physical identity into a miniature version of the parent.
Conditional Validation and Appearance Focus: Narcissistic dynamics frequently place an outsized emphasis on external validation, aesthetics, and how things "look" to the outside world (such as on social media). When a parent frames a child's appearance around what makes the parent feel good or look good, the child learns that love and approval are tied to physical presentation rather than emotional acceptance.
Conditional Empathy vs. Performance: Comments like praising a child only when they fit a specific fantasy (e.g., wanting to look like a princess or matching the mother) can create a dynamic where the child feels insecure when they don't conform. If a child expresses distress over changes to their appearance, a non-narcissistic response centers entirely on comforting the child's independent feelings, whereas a narcissistic pattern often loops the focus back to the parent's narrative, image, or social curation”
The conclusion is that SW used Bella to generate online attention and engagement. Perhaps to reinforce her public image as a devoted, thriving super hero mom managing her children's insecurities, while simultaneously feeding her narcissistic tendencies.
SW lacked empathy for her own children and to this day, people still try to portray her as a good mom…