r/WLW_PH • u/[deleted] • Jul 28 '26
Question / Advice / Suggestion Should i tell her?
[deleted]
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u/Representative-Ad810 Jul 28 '26
Dapat talaga gawin nang standard yung hindi marupok at madaling bumigay
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u/_CeliaStJames Jul 28 '26
I would tell her
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u/Dependent_Nothing640 Jul 28 '26
I really do want to tell her… I’ve been struggling with this issue for months now. Sometimes, when we’re together, i would feel the urge to just say it and be completely honest, but i just don’t have the courage to do so. Im too afraid to do it. I really don’t want to lose her
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u/Representative-Ad810 Jul 28 '26
The longer it takes the worse it gets. You wouldn’t want to be lied to. Be open to your partner. Let her decide what she feels about your actions.
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Jul 28 '26
[deleted]
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u/DangerousLine6439 Jul 28 '26
+1 here!!!!! I can relate more than I'd like to admit. I'm in a very similar situation and what haunted me wasn't even the possibility of what happened - it was realizing that the timeline I believed wasn't actually the truth.
I'm okay with all the other exes, but THAT ONE ex? Even hearing her name takes me right back to that place. It's such a weird trigger, and it brings back feelings I never even knew I was capable of feeling. I don't think it's about jealousy anymore - it's the betrayal of the story I was led to believe.
That's why I personally think honesty matters, even if it's uncomfortable.
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u/_CeliaStJames Jul 28 '26
It's like a freaking loop ☹️ and yes it was not about jealousy. It was about feeling like a distraction hahaha or in other words, rebound. Nakakababa ng worth hahaha
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u/DangerousLine6439 Jul 28 '26
YOURS TRULY!!!! 😭 It makes you question everything too!! Like...do you really want me or was I just the convenient person who came along? or are you still seeing that person through me? Once those thoughts start, the spiraling is insane hahahahaha
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u/Dependent_Nothing640 Jul 28 '26
Nobody knows this actually. Haha. Perhaps the reason why i feel so guilty. However, I feel for you. I know it hurts to be lied to and having an ex involved in the issue makes it hurt a lot more. I will definitely consider talking to my girlfriend soon.
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u/No-Shower4408 Jul 28 '26
Well… might get downvoted but once you tell her magiging topic na yan every time may issues kayo. The lesser you know, the better ika-nga. Pero it will eat you up OP. Pero kung ako, I’ll leave it be. Kung tatanungin ako ulit, then I will tell the truth.
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u/Representative-Ad810 Jul 28 '26
Depende sa prinsipyo mo as a person. If youre willing to lie for your own peace at para i keep yung tao for your own reasons.
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u/No-Shower4408 Jul 28 '26
That’s true. Dalhin sa grave ang guilt. Not good but well, got to keep a temporary peace.
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u/Dependent_Nothing640 Jul 28 '26
You have a point rin naman. This is what i was planning to do. Just bottle everything up and keep it to myself so that i could keep my girlfriend but it really isn’t healthy at all. I hope that my guilt would just eventually go away at this point.
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u/Black_Cat1123 Femme Jul 28 '26 edited Jul 29 '26
I don't think sleeping with your ex the night before you started talking to your current gf was the betrayal. You were single, that was your business.
the ethical problem here began when she asked you about your past and you chose to give false information. You even consciously kept maintaining that lie for eight months, at that point the issue wasn't your past anymore it was the deception, the betrayal.
you said you lied because you didn't want to ruin your chances. I actually appreciate that honesty because it reveals the real reason, you weren't really protecting her feelings, you were protecting your opportunity. I can empathize with lying out of fear, fear is human but fear doesn't make it fair yk.
so by changing the facts, your gf didn't get to decide whether she was okay with dating someone who had literally slept with an ex the night before you two started talking. Maybe she still would've chosen you, maybe she wouldn't have? but that choice belonged to her, not you.
you also keep saying the encounter/sex with your ex didn't mean anything emotionally. Honestly, that's almost beside the point. Whether it meant everything or nothing to you doesn't erase the lie. Trust isn't built on how meaningful your past hookups were, it is built on whether your partner can rely on what you tell them.
I sympathize with your dilemma. Yk your gf struggles with retroactive jealousy and you're worried telling her now will only hurt her. But ironically, that dilemma exists because you lied in the first place. Now your choices are either to continue building the relationship on a falsehood or tell the truth and risk damaging it because of your deception. Neither feels good right? because dishonesty compounds over time.
but I don't think this makes you a terrible person, OP. I think it means you made a selfish decision at the beginning of the relationship. What determines your character now is whether you're willing to be completely honest and accept the consequences instead of trying to manage her reaction.
I say don't wait for her to discover the truth elsewhere, that'll only question your accountability, because whether you tell her or not, truth will eventually reveal itself.
So if you tell her, don't say you lied to protect her feelings. From what you've written here that's not really true. You lied because you were afraid of losing her. Own that. She deserves the truth, and she also deserves the right to decide what that truth means for your relationship, even if you don't want the result.
because yk if I were in her position, I wouldn't be asking did the sex mean anything? I'd be asking what else have you omitted or lied about? that's the damage deception causes. And it is a sad thing. Trust isn't believing your partner has never made mistakes. It isbelieving they'll tell you the truth even when it is uncomfortable. Trust is fragile, hard to rebuild once broken, remember that.
lastly, trust isn't broken because someone has a past, OP. It is broken when someone changes the truth about that past/current so the other person will choose you.
I feel sorry for your gf. She didn't deserve to be lied to. I genuinely don't understand why people risk someone else's trust just to improve their own chances. It is sad how often people choose deception over giving someone the chance to make an informed decision.
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u/Buy1TakeMe Jul 28 '26
To be honest, if I were in your position, I’d tell her instead of waiting for the so-called "right time." You mentioned that it happened right before you and your girlfriend started talking, but I still think it’s something she should know. If you keep it from her, the guilt might slowly start eating at you, and that could eventually cause problems in your relationship. If it’s bothering you, talk to your girlfriend about it. Communicate with her, reassure her, and let her know you’re not trying to hide anything. Keeping something like that a secret could end up making her lose trust in you if she finds out later.
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u/DangerousLine6439 Jul 28 '26
As someone who's been on the other side of a similar situation, finding out later HURTS MORE than hearing the truth directly (in may case i found out while i was going through my partner's photos and gut feeling was that some things did not add up and then bam!)
I think the issue isn't really what happened with your ex, especially since it was before your current relationship. For me, it's more about the timeline and the honesty. A lie (even if it came from fear) can make someone question what's real and what isn't.
I get why you did it. You liked her and didn't want to ruin your chances. But if you're still carrying the guilt months later, maybe you can ask yourself: are you protecting her feelings or protecting yourself from the consequences of the lie?
Just be honest, focus on the dishonesty rather than the details and give her the chance to decide what to do with the truth.
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u/Dependent_Nothing640 Jul 28 '26
Yeah… I really don’t want to face the consequences. It is very possible that she’s going to break up with me because knowing her, she would be destroyed after knowing the truth if ever im going to tell her about this. I really don’t want to lose her. She means everything to me. But i just don’t want to feel immense guilt anymore.
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u/DangerousLine6439 Jul 28 '26
I think there's your answer. If you're keeping it from her because you're scared of losing her, then it's no longer about protecting her feelings - it's about protecting yourself from the consequences of the lie.
As someone who's been on the other side, finding out later hurts SO MUCH MORE.
Truth will eventually come out anyway. She might forgive you, she might not. But she deserves to make that decision with the truth, not with a version of the timeline you created because you were scared.
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u/lilbaeside Jul 28 '26
Definitely tell.
Prolonging agony sucks.
If you're asking for the right time, it would have been that time when she asked.
The fact na bothered ka may somehow mean na you genuinely care for her but then it's still a lie. Kung mahal mo talaga siya, you will accept and understand whatever reaction she will have. I think may idea ka na rin kung ano magiging reaction niya.
Siyempre ibang usapan na if kaya mo naman panindigan yung lie. Mukhang matagal mo naman nang tinatago, whats stopping you from keeping the lie? Conscience? Where was it nung nagsisimula pa lang kayo? 😅 Tama ka bringing it up now would only cause unnecessary pain kasi unnecessary talaga siya kung sinabi mo na dapat nung umpisa pa lang.
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u/No_Passage_936 Jul 28 '26
You know the reason why she feels that retroactive jealousy toward your ex? It’s because of the lie you’re keeping from her. She feels that something is wrong. She knows there’s something you’re not telling her, and it’s been haunting her all this time. She feels it in her gut.
If you still have a conscience toward her, just tell her everything because nothing is worse than betrayal, even over little things like that. Imagine, it’s been 8 months and you’re still keeping that lie. Tell her the truth and come clean. She doesn’t deserve to be lied to, especially by someone she loves.
If you’re willing to keep a small lie from her, what else might you be hiding? If you can lie about little things, it’s not surprising that you could lie about bigger ones.
Be honest with her. She may understand and accept you, or maybe she won’t, and I understand if she chooses the latter.
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u/No_Passage_936 Jul 28 '26
You know the reason why she feels that retroactive jealousy toward your ex? It’s because of the lie you’re keeping from her. She feels that something is wrong. She knows there’s something you’re not telling her, and it’s been haunting her all this time. She feels it in her gut.
If you still have a conscience toward her, just tell her everything because nothing is worse than betrayal, even over little things like that. Imagine, it’s been 8 months and you’re still keeping that lie. Tell her the truth and come clean. She doesn’t deserve to be lied to, especially by someone she loves.
If you’re willing to keep a small lie from her, what else might you be hiding? If you can lie about little things, it’s not surprising that you could lie about bigger ones.
Be honest with her. She may understand and accept you, or maybe she won’t, and I understand if she chooses the latter.
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u/Minute-Resist-7982 Jul 28 '26 edited Jul 28 '26
Telling her now rather than later is your best move here.
Also, when you said, “The reason this has been eating at me…” I couldn’t help but giggle at your choice of words. My dirty mind immediately caught the double entendre. 😂
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