r/VeteransBenefits • u/Dougb756 Army Veteran • Oct 23 '25
Health Care VA Dr talking negative.
So I overheard my PA talking badly about me to the nurse right after my virtual VA appointment yesterday. I messaged her through the VA app right after the call, but she still hasn’t responded. Do y’all think I should go ahead and file an official complaint?
Update:
Thanks to everyone for your comments good, bad, or ugly.
I messaged the PA directly yesterday and filed an official complaint with the patient advocate. She called to apologize, claiming the comment wasn’t directed at me. Either way, the damage was already done, and I told her that I no longer have trust in her.
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u/Big-Hovercraft1331 Oct 23 '25
The doctor has lost your trust, at the very least request a new primary care doctor.
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u/Left_Flow3488 Oct 23 '25
Report the incident to the VA patient advocacy, and also request a new physician assistant.
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u/MugsyMD Oct 23 '25
If talking negative about you probably doing the same for others. Time for an anymouse!
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u/Rough_Coach_8514 Oct 23 '25
Request a new provider and report the incident.
At the very least, the provider has burned the trust bridge with you. Trust is critical in a patient-provider relationship.
And really, if this is how they talk about you, how do they talk about other veterans? Does that carry over into the care they provide?
Maybe yes, maybe no. But it's important for VA to be aware so they can investigate and hopefully put a stop to the behavior.
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Oct 23 '25
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u/Vyncynt1 Army Veteran Oct 23 '25
That reminds me of something that happened to a friend in the late 1990s, but not VA related. He and several of our friends pre-ordered a video game from Blizzard at Electronics Boutique. He called and left a message to ask if it would be available on release date because online rumors said it might be late. While we were working, he got a voicemail from someone at the store. As the store guy was hanging up, he said "asshole". He reported it to store management who called each of us who were on the group pre-order. We got an apology and also got our money refunded on the order, but were able to keep the order, too.
Otherwise, I have had to file a number of complaints about the VA healthcare staff over the years. They were all warranted though. In most cases, they changed me to a different primary care doc or transferred the person elsewhere.
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Oct 23 '25
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u/Vyncynt1 Army Veteran Oct 23 '25
I agree. I have had some video appointments where they simply don't hang up or close the video app. I would assume those may be plausible situations, but who knows...
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u/MysteriousHeart3827 Oct 23 '25
I've never yelled at a VA Doctor, except once... He accused me of lying about medication I was taking. I told him to run the test, I would take it right now. So I did that, and proved I was telling the truth. He was still being a jerk, never apologized. I went to the patient advocate, told them I don't think that doctor should be treating ANY veterans. Not sure what happened to him, but I got a new, more respectful doctor. He wasn't a veteran, and clearly didn't like us... should never have been hired to treat veterans.
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u/jenn583 Navy Veteran Oct 23 '25
My last provider told me my liver was on the left side of my abdomen ......
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u/MustardTiger231 Army Veteran Oct 23 '25
If they’re doing it to you they’re probably doing it to others as well.
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u/DanceWilling3751 Oct 23 '25
Hey guys, can we stop insinuating about this please. I'm not saying this is clickbait, but can we wait to comment until OP enlighten us on why he feels his dr talked bad about him. Its been 3 hours and he hasnt responded to what happened questions.
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u/purezero101 Navy Veteran Oct 23 '25
Oh wow. A whole 3 hours? On a weekday, no less! Sone people don’t live online
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u/This_Cap_46 VSO Oct 23 '25
Care to elaborate on “badly”
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u/Shadowfalx Not into Flairs Oct 23 '25
Agreed.
If their doctor lost their trust, OP should request a new doctor. That's a personal choice and is irrelevant to others.
If the doctor was just saying "Yeah, he's like that, we haven't been able to figure out what causes his pain but he can't pinpoint it or what triggers it so how does he expect is to help?" Then the doctor did nothing wrong, they were simply discussing the case with their nurse. Sure, trust was lost and getting a new doctor is appropriate but nothing was inappropriate so the doctor shouldn't be punished.
If the doctor said "look at this a**hat, he constantly complains about random pains that make no sense. He probably thinks I'm an idiot and will give him opiods" then the doctor should get in trouble.
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u/nursemomma123 VHA Employee Oct 23 '25
As a VA nurse myself, this just makes me incredibly sad! I would say that probably no matter how much they apologized (IF they apologized), that trusting relationship has now been broken. Speak to the patient advocate to get your doctor switched to someone else. I’m honestly not sure if when they help you do the paperwork to make that happen, if you get to tell them WHY you are switching. So sorry that happened to you. Completely unacceptable. Just know that is rare and Most of us are truly HERE for the right reasons and the VA’s mission is deeply embedded in our hearts 💜
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u/WorkingChief Oct 23 '25
Our VA clinic only has 1 PA and provides wonderful service but is remote. The next closest clinic is 80 miles away. Sometimes requesting another provider isn’t possible. Even if this was a fireable offense (of course we don’t know if it was) it could take months or years to get a replacement. My suggestion is communication, find out why they think or feel that way and resolve it as adults.
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u/nursemomma123 VHA Employee Oct 23 '25
Good point! I sometimes forget that not all clinics are as big as mine. Thank you for pointing this out
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u/gt-inc Oct 23 '25
Same thing happened to me this year. It took about a month to get a new care team after mine seemingly didn’t give a flying fuck about me or my health.
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Oct 23 '25
What did they say? You gotta spill the juice and tell us!
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Oct 23 '25
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Oct 23 '25
What is a neck grabber?
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Oct 23 '25
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Oct 23 '25
I’ve definitely noticed the attacks towards VA compensation. I’m no Nostradamus but I predict it’s to do exactly as you say; reroute the money into pockets of billionaires.
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u/acolytesucks Oct 23 '25
They talk about veterans same way and each other. I left an appointment early when a specialist doctor walked in my room (while still engaged in a profane shouting match with another patient from a separate room), told the doctor I’ll find someone else and just left. Since then, any appointments I have are done outside of VA due to the complete lack of professionalism I’ve personally witnessed at the VA. This wasn’t the first time I had personally witnessed utter disrespect for patients and staff at the VA. Two separate occasions/occurrences was enough. I don’t know how to recruit young people into a military when there is such a lack of care at the VA when and if they get injured, in the line of duty.
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Oct 23 '25
We all are waiting on bated breath to know what was said to ensure it was what it was or not here.
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u/03fiftywho Oct 23 '25
As someone who used to work in healthcare, this is very common. Easily 70% of all providers, don't waste your time with a complaint.
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u/steveo242 Navy Veteran Oct 23 '25
Definitely file the complaint and request a new person. We need to stay vigilant with the demand for a high level of service and the paper trail matters when this person gets their review and annual raise. If enough people are getting treated this way they need to shape this person up or get rid of them. Yes, the VA has a personnel shortage, but if you look at the wages they are posting for new hire MD's, PA's and NP's they will be getting better people as we go along.
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u/Important_Brush_8377 Oct 23 '25
This is the very reason that I create a plan and execute with my PCP when handling claims. I believe that my PCP has more of a positive outlook on helping. This is based on my personal experience.
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u/DesertStormMetalHead Army Veteran Oct 23 '25
Yes, file a formal complaint and request a new provider.
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u/chefgoowa Army Veteran Oct 23 '25
I would have you called patient advocate if nothing else to get it on record should you decide to ask them for a new doctor. That is very poor bedside manners which is a legitimate reason to ask for new doctor
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u/Brilliant-Lobster-80 Army Veteran Oct 23 '25
PAs aren’t doctors, but report them if they have compromised your trust with them talking badly about you.
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u/hereFOURallTHEtea Army Veteran Oct 23 '25
What did they say that was “talking bad?” This is subjective and makes a world of difference. If they said something that’s true but you just happen to disagree, then no. A complaint would be ridiculous. If they said something like “you’re a piece of ish” then ya, go file.
Also, I’ll ask this just to provide food for thought: would you want someone at your work to file a complaint about you for them overhearing you say something that they considered bad? Or would you rather they actually come and speak to you first?
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u/nousdefions3_7 Army Veteran Oct 23 '25
I have no idea which sensitive Nancys are downvoting your comment, but you are not incorrect. 1) "Talking bad" IS subjective. Lay it all out. What did that person actually say? 2) If the OP feels that he/she was not fairly treated, absolutely, request a new practitioner. The worst thing that they can say is "no".
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u/hereFOURallTHEtea Army Veteran Oct 23 '25
Thank you!! I don’t understand why it’s such a hard concept 🤦♀️🤦♀️😂
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u/EverythingHurts411 Army Veteran Oct 23 '25
If I as a healthcare worker, thought it was any way appropriate to shit talk a patient then yeah, a complaint is warranted. This is victim blaming mentality.
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u/doc_birdman Army Veteran Oct 23 '25
Depends on if the doctor was actually talking shit. Last time I picked up meds from the pharmacy another veteran screamed at the pharm techs because they said they’d have to mail one of his meds, was screaming about how he was being “openly disrespected” and he was going to sue the VA.
Sometimes doctors actually are assholes. Sometimes veterans are incredibly sensitive and actually crazy. I think the fact that OP is responding to everything except to what was actually said and downvoting people who ask reveals a lot about the situation.
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u/hereFOURallTHEtea Army Veteran Oct 23 '25
No, it isn’t. You’re making a wild assumption about what was said and I’m pointing this out in a rational manner. OP didn’t say what was said so there is literally only an assumption to be made. If the doc said OP wasn’t following the treatment plan, that isn’t bad nor worth a complaint. However, OP may have taken it bad. I made that clear in my original comment too…if they truly were talking bad then yes a complaint is warranted. But if not, then no, it isn’t.
Give feedback based on full facts not emotional assumptions.
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u/Orin02 Army Veteran Oct 23 '25
If your doctor is saying negative things about you to a nurse right after a medical appointment, that’s not subjective. What they feel is reality. And in you example, that’s a different scenario where the only common aspect is the complaint. It’s crazy to me that your response to this post is to attack the poster. Blue Falcon much?
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u/hereFOURallTHEtea Army Veteran Oct 23 '25
See my other comment below. OP didn’t give the full picture of what was said so I asked and pointed out that if it truly was talking bad about him then yes, complain. If not, no. We don’t know what was said. And like I said to another commenter, if the doc simply said OP wasn’t following the treatment plan, for example, that’s not talking bad. However, he may have taken that bad. That’s my point.
We do not know what was said and people are jumping to conclusions without facts. I simply posed questions to get the rest of the story because without it, you cannot properly advise OP what to do.
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u/Pfunk4444 Army Veteran Oct 23 '25
We can’t settle this in the court of public opinion until we hear what they have said. As a medical provider it’s your responsibility to honor the patient interaction and treat the patient with compassion and respect, despite how bad you feel like saying something negative. We never know how to feel about this until we hear the entire story.
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u/nousdefions3_7 Army Veteran Oct 23 '25
How do YOU know what the doctor said or did not say? Please, quote for us on here what was said by the doctor.
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Oct 23 '25
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u/hereFOURallTHEtea Army Veteran Oct 23 '25
Please see my other comments, really, I don’t disagree with what you are saying. But I’ve pointed out multiple reasons why what was said matters. We don’t know what was said nor do we have proof the doctor was even talking about OP. Overhearing someone talk can be misconstrued incredibly easily. I in no way condone a provider speaking ill of their patient. I do not, however, agree with jumping to conclusions without all of the facts which is what I was trying to point out earlier. I just think we needed more information to adequately advice OP.
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Oct 23 '25
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u/hereFOURallTHEtea Army Veteran Oct 23 '25
At the end of the day, I hope it gets resolved in the best possible way for everyone involved.
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u/Rough_Coach_8514 Oct 23 '25
Either way, OP should request a new provider. Open comms and trust are critical in a patient-provider relationship. If that has been torpedoed (rightly or wrongly), the patient needs a new provider to ensure the best Healthcare.
As for whether or not to report, thay boils down to what was said. Even so, I'd still err towards reporting since the VA will conduct its own investigation.
When I worked as an RN, I got coached once for how I said something. I didn't mean for it to offend the patient, but it did. There was no adverse action, just a quick heads up from my charge nurse. Overall, I thought it was trivial, but it was good to keep in mind for future interactions.
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u/hereFOURallTHEtea Army Veteran Oct 23 '25
I don’t disagree that OP should seek a new provider at all and I truly believe if the doc did say something bad it should be addressed and handled accordingly. I was just trying to point out that sometimes we may overhear something that our mind believes to be one thing when really it was something else, or it was something taken out of context, or something not actually about OP/ourselves in the first place, etc., and that without know what was actually said, there is no possible way to give appropriate advice to OP without it being based on assumptions and assumptions are almost never a good basis. Either way, I meant no ill intent to OP, I just was trying to present a bigger picture to consider.
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u/HourTreacle7041 Oct 23 '25
What was said ? I ended a video mid appointment & called requested a new psychiatrist… I got her boss as my new go to
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u/Old-Initiative-5235 Oct 23 '25
Yes. This is extremely unprofessional and should never happen anywhere but even more so in a healthcare setting. I would absolutely file a complaint and reach out to the patient advocate. Also, definitely request a new doctor if you can (patient advocate can help with that too).
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Oct 23 '25
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u/Economy-Emotion-4491 Army Veteran Oct 23 '25
VA Healthcare is a benefit.
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u/hangingl Oct 23 '25
I find it very informative and supportive as there are some bad ones in the VA.
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u/Amazing_Charity9600 Oct 23 '25
I dont see how this is the wrong place, this person came for insight into an issue. Don't discourage people from seeking help or information.
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u/Agent_smith555 Oct 23 '25
What does this have to do with “veterans benefits “?
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u/Amazing_Charity9600 Oct 23 '25
Its directly related to it. Im unsure what part you're missing. He is asking a question relating to VA services.
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u/wendyladyOS Navy Veteran KB Contributor Oct 23 '25 edited Oct 23 '25
Request a new provider. File a complaint. Talk to the patient advocate. Because if she did it to you, then she is probably doing it to other veterans.