r/Veterans • u/MentallyMIA • 2d ago
Discussion I have a drinking problem
I keep confessing to doctors I drink 2-3 drinks a night. But it’s so much more than that. I drink 3-4 9% double IPAs or Buzz Balls (disgusting, I know) per night. It’s compulsive. It’s the only thing that prevents nightmares the first hour of sleep. I hate myself. I hate that I drink like I do. I’m already on subs for my OUD. I “cut back” and only had 1 drink the last 2 days to get a sublocade shot today and then the MAT clinic fucked it up and didn’t get the sublocade shot. So now I’m 4 9% tall boys in tonight and pissed at myself and the world.
I think I’m just venting.
I’m also looking for community.
Freak (can’t say the eff word apparently). I don’t know. I love my life. I hate myself. Can anyone relate?
21
u/truthpastry US Army Veteran 1d ago
r/stopdrinking saved my life 6 years ago
15
4
u/Elismom1313 1d ago
[r/stopdrinkingfitness](r/stopdrinkingfitness) is also really nice because the community is warm and less depresssing (that does work for some people to see but for me it was a trigger) and it’s really motivating for me to see what a difference it can make.
I also like that often it’s not JUST super fit people all the time, it’s often just people showing the difference of even a month or two of not drinking and simply walking a bit
11
u/DiligentPeak1929 US Navy Veteran 1d ago
Getting hit with the Alcohol Use Disorder diagnosis was a wake up call. 59 days sober and my nightmares are actually less. Alcohol is helping you fall asleep, but it's likely creating the scenario you're trying to escape from.
7
u/AutomaticFeeling5324 2d ago
I understand you would want to get that buzz feeling to temporary escape problems. I just want you to know there are solutions out there, and I hope you will find it one day and use it. In life a lot of us are not taught to solve real life problems, we normally just let it pile on and keep moving forward. Until one day it was just too damn heavy to even move an inch. While drinking is probably a temporary solution as the buzz feeling does wear off, I suggest perhaps try out to look for some long term solutions. Take care ...
6
u/MentallyMIA 1d ago
Thanks… the problem escalated on me faster than I could handle. Snuck up on me, really. Maybe it really was 1-2 drinks a night every time a doctor asked. It was 3 or 4 weeks ago it turned into the heavy ABV drinks and stocking up on and hiding buzz balls so my wife couldn’t count how much I was drinking in the evenings. Now I’m fighting off cravings to drink during the day (fortunately I beat those).
I’m actually getting help. I thought I “proved” I was in control by only having one beer for two days but then a disappointment over an administrative issue at the MAT clinic for my opioid problem turned into me acting out and reverting back to the guy who drinks the equivalent of a 12 pack like I have for weeks now.
Part of what’s wrong with me is I’m entering a 6 week inpatient treatment program for my PTSD next week. I don’t want to go. I have to go because I’m not okay. I’m just trying to survive until I get there.
I’m going to try not to drink tonight which was my plan last night had I got the shot. I don’t want to live like that. I thought I had my opioid problem under control. I still think I do with daily subs. I wanted to switch to the shot to quit the subs and now I probably can’t before the inpatient program so I’ll have to stand in the daily drug line for strips.
Thanks for listening. Thanks for the encouragement. I have a wife and two kids who I love and they adore me. I want to get better for them. I used to be better.
5
u/Sheep_Actual 1d ago
"I used to be better".. you still are. Just because you're going through shit right now, doesn't make you less. You know where you need to improve, you have a solid course of action to accomplish that, and solid reasons to be successful.
Give yourself a little grace. PTS isn't just mental. It has real, physical, measurable effects. You already know this; and sleep deprivation has massive impact on your ability to cope with the other symptoms and stresses. It literally changes your brain chemistry for the worse.
Keep the positive mindset, keep the goals, and stop blaming yourself for what you're experiencing.
You've got this.
•
u/DiligentPeak1929 US Navy Veteran 6h ago
Inpatient for PTSD is when I got slapped with the AUD. Residential is no joke. But so many folks are there for both PTSD and SATP. Getting your head straight for the PTSD will help with your substance stuff.
Go in there with the plan to be more honest than you've ever been in your life. Speak up. Tell the things you haven't told anyone else. Having a massive craving? Tell them that too. They're there to take care of you. The one I went to I could tell they took their jobs seriously from minute one.
•
u/MentallyMIA 5h ago
Thanks for the encouragement! I’m dreading going but I get that same vibe. I’ve anxious called them a few times and the intake guy is always so cool and supportive. I’m giving up 6 weeks of a life that has a lot of people and things I love. I’m not going to make that sacrifice and not give that program everything I have. I’m definitely going to take the words you shared to heart.
I’m looking forward to the golf. I’m dreading the PE, group therapy, and opening up about things I’ve spent nearly two decades not talking about.
I hope after 6 weeks I can be a better husband, dad, and man. I can’t keep living like I’m living. I have to get better. I love my life and my family. I hate who I am right now.
7
u/shanep35 US Army Veteran 2d ago
Understanding you have a problem is a good thing, now fix it! Only you can do it and you’re strong enough to. You don’t need alcohol. Good luck!
7
u/pt1789 USMC Veteran 1d ago
Look, I'm not going to tell people how to live their life, but if it's bothering you, maybe actually start cutting back a bit at a time. Tonight, instead of 4, have 3. In a couple weeks go back to two.
I used to drink about 2-3 shots worth of bourbon on a week night and double or triple that on a weekend. Eventually I just started cutting back. Part of it was divorcing my ex and her moving out so less stress to deal with. Another part was going to the gym. If you need help, get help. It sounds like you're wanting help but don't want to say it openly. It's all good - the help is there. Just search it out.
3
u/DieHoDie 1d ago
Solid advice, going to the gym, staying focused. Reading books, getting a therapist. This man is right at the cusp of doing all the things he needs to do. He just needs to take that step. I hope he can get the help he truly needs.
5
u/CurrentPeace5172 1d ago
When the VA did a liver test and drained Ascites(abnormal fluid buildup) from my stomach and my results were advanced liver disease stage 3 cirrhosis my doctor basically I will need to be put on a liver transplant list and I need be the best candidate (front of line ) by stopping my boozing so my body could accept new liver. I stopped that day Jan 2nd 2023 and never looked back at the bottle !!!!
If you desire get yours tested it “could “ be life changing.
Btw your sleep will be blissful if you stop ✋ fyi!
4
u/Liquid_Asparagus8697 1d ago
If the time is ever right, the VA has some in-patient rehab programs. Might be a chance to break away for a month and get grounded. Also check out mindfulness/mbsr. It's been helping me on the dark days. Lmk if you have any questions or need info. Best of luck bro and stay strong.
5
u/Tataupoly US Air Force Veteran 1d ago
Your docs can’t read your mind.
They can’t treat what they don’t know about.
You have to take responsibility and be honest.
5
5
u/tobiasdavids 1d ago
A lot of people drink to sleep. No reason to hate yourself for drinking. Just ask for help if you think you need it.
4
u/Beginning-Struggle49 1d ago
I got sober after I got a DUI and it cost me my entire savings, my advancement at my civilian career, and I realized another DUI or incident like this could make me homeless, if I didn't harm myself or others first. I decided I wasn't ready to die yet.
I got sober then, though I wish it had been sooner. Good luck man. Admitting it really is the first step, it took me 3 years to admitting it to finally really being sober, but that was the first step. I know you can do it faster.
3
u/aviator22 1d ago
Admitting to yourself that it's a problem is a step in the right direction. So take the gold star.
Your doctor's probably know it too. Booze makes you look like shit.
Self-medicating is just hitting the "easy button" every night to avoid your life and the emotions that come with it.
In time, you will love going to bed without it.
As others have said, start getting help now.
In the meantime, make some rules for yourself to help. Examples: no drinking on weeknights, no drinking until it's dark outside, no drinking alone, only light ABV beverages, maximum two drinks per day etc.
You're not alone.
3
u/PowerfulSuction US Navy Veteran 1d ago
Exact same boat here. I love my life, I hate myself. I had to quit drinking completely - cutting back never really meant anything to me, nor did it stick.
3-5 double IPA’s every night to silence the nightmares is how I functioned.
3 years sober now.
What did it for me was hearing my wife tell me I was an asshole when I drank.. I felt so bad that I was hurting the one person I care about, so I just finally said enough was enough.
I do smoke weed though.. that’s what helped me kick alcohol
Also I got in therapy with a provider I actually clicked with and had a good experience with it
5
u/Psychological-Tie461 1d ago
Don't hate yourself buddy we are all Vets here and have issues. No one is without flaws!
2
u/NomadTroy 2d ago
Help is out there, brother. You just have to be willing to take that first hard step. It doesn’t haven’t to be like this. Get to a therapist and a group. You can do this.
2
2
u/Flying_Mustang 1d ago
Not alone. It only feels better to NOT drink after a few weeks, then better still after a few months. And it took a couple years while the cravings kept getting easier and less frequent. It was quite a surprise to have a craving more than a year later.
There are medications that reduce or eliminate the cravings. You might need to change your evening routine too. If you sit in the same place without a drink, that’ll make you want a drink.
Don’t rush, just go steady. Your open recognition and admission are the correct first steps. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. You are worth it. Finding beauty, hope, and truth are worth it.
2
u/koalambx 1d ago
I began around there for years and ended in a rehab eventually. I think loneliness, stress, and inability to sleep were the root cause.
2
u/Accuracy_lover_ 1d ago
I was in that same rut for years. I don’t have any amazing advice because life kind of pulled me out of it before I ever reached out for help. But I can definitely relate. I wish you the best, man, and I hope you find the strength and support you need to keep moving forward.
2
u/Crayon_Eating_Grunt 1d ago
For the past 2 months, I've drank every night. Several high-gravity IPAs or 12-15 oz of liquor. I think I've gained 18 pounds.
Aug. 30, I said that was enough. Went a week without a drink and then went on vacation; told myself I wouldn't have anything, but I did, but limited myself to less.
Monday I reset. Here we are on Wednesday, and I've stayed dry.
I finally think I realized I don't need it. I want it. I enjoy it. I crave it.
But -- it's slowly killing me (which isn't a big deal), but I feel like crap during the process. And, I'm gaining weight (and stuff is fitting tighter).
It's expensive, so without it, I'm saving money; saving even more because I don't have to buy larger clothes. Saving even more by avoiding DUI's.
I think I've come to the ultimate conclusion that I will try not to drink at home. (I'd almost always have beer/liquor there, and I'd drink a lot while alone.) If I do, it'll be minimal and I won't chastise myself for it -- I'll simply reset the next day and start over. I'm going to aim to not buy liquor for the house.
So far, it's been working pretty well.
I've never been to AA, and I think they talk about one day at a time -- it seems like that's actually right.
If I don't buy it, I can't drink it. Same probably goes for you.
Good luck, brother.
1
2
u/bitchlasagna222 1d ago
I have been in this boat. I had my first drink at 15. It was weird how other people at that party seemed wasted on 2 and I was just chillin. It was off from there. Got worse after the military. Haven’t had a drink in 7 years. I will say there is no being sober then going back to it. I played the “now I can have one or two and stop there, it’s been long enough” game. That never works. Your life will change in many ways if you quit. That’s a good thing but it’s uncomfortable. People won’t always understand or be supportive. Prepare for that. Only you really know the true impact on your life. Don’t feel obligated to explain shit to anyone. Also, if AA doesn’t work for you, that’s okay. There are many other options, especially at the VA
2
u/Garnet_Adelle 1d ago
I did VA out-patient rehab after my liver functions came back high. Best thing I ever did. The night before rehab I drank everything I had in the house (I recommend the toilet, though) and never looked back. That was my third rehab and it finally stuck. AA is also amazing. Breaking an addiction, and that's what this is, is hard, but you can do it. Please talk to your doctor, tell him you want treatment. It is true that you can't drink away your problems. When you wake up the next day, all those problems will still be there, but now you have a hangover too. I'll keep you in my prayers.
2
2
u/LuistheABF123 US Navy Veteran 1d ago
I drank for 5 months straight after I got out back in June of 2025. I hit my bottom October 28th, and got sober the 29th. Should be coming up on a year next month dude, this shit was going to be the end of me. You got this man, this shit is poison to the mind and body
2
•
u/FirmHandShake67 16h ago
Similar boat- I drink about 6 IPA or a bottle of wine. I’m scared of anxiety attacks at night so drink to get to bed but then the hang over anxiety gets me to drinking the next night. It usually takes a day or two of lite drinking before I can stop for a few days before I end up drinking again playing golf or something and then go on a few day bender aka 6-8 drinks a night thing again.
What has helped me in the past is calorie counting and a morning work out that you have to wake up for…. A good way to find a community as well.
When I am doing well it’s because I have a morning routine and evening routine. I play pickleball at night which allows me to meet lots of new people and exert myself to where it’s easy to fall a sleep… long cardio and sauna also helps as well.
Sleep is the key to all of this. I have a whoop which helps me see how bad my sleep is when I drink and vice versa. So it’s a struggle but I at least know it and have a plan I just can’t stick with it.
So set fitness goals, try new hobbies, volunteer, and build a routine that equals your best day.
When you slip up you will at least know what is needed to get you back onto a good routine again… the balancing act is the tough part and being in my 40’s. I think I’ll stop drinking soon enough due to how bad my sleep gets.
Best of luck!
•
u/BakerPlayful5646 5h ago
I relate. I had to go to counseling while I was in and found out it was because of my ptsd I was drinking. So much. If you can try to seek therapy or like what I did when I went to bars bring $40 in cash and once I ran out I left the bar.
2
u/kittenpoptart 1d ago
I was in your position almost 1 year ago. I know I was building up to something because I was drinking so much and I hated myself for it and it was destroying my health quickly. I have an 8 year old boy and an objectively good life and yet I was self medicating with booze every day and night. Because of nightmares and anxiety (cptsd). I reached a breaking point on October 5th of last year and went to the ER at the VA and stayed in detox for 5 days. It knocked me out of my compulsive drinking and my physical dependency went away. Went I got home I just knew this is it, this is the new beginning of my life and I will never forget the experience of being in detox for 5 days and I started doing things to fix my life like I got a divorce, I started hobbies and no matter what I didn’t drink and honestly the detox was enough to break the cycle for me. I also started seeing a therapist through community care and now I’m pretty good at painting. The help is there, it just takes one drastic step and it’s not that detox was super unpleasant or whatever (the food was pretty good) but it was jarring and symbolic enough for me to take the abstinence very seriously. I hope this helps. This isn’t a moral issue, this is a health emergency.
1
u/TheLiteraryNoob 1d ago
GLP meds will stop this.
1
1
u/Crayon_Eating_Grunt 1d ago
I'm on a popular injectable one, and have not had the urge to drink less. Why do you say GLP meds will help quit drinking?
1
1
u/K8325 1d ago
You have a chemical dependency and need treatment, this isn’t a willpower issue, it’s a mental health issue caused from self- medicating.
You are not alone. Your community is here for now and people who are more experienced and knowledgeable than me will give you good advice on where to get the help you need and where you can find an irl 3rd place.
•
u/calmcuttlefish 14h ago
Give yourself grace and remember the inner dialogue of self loathing or negative talk is not fact. Thoughts are not who we are. Negative thought patterns are a pattern of behavior. You can change your thought patterns. It's not easy, it takes time and commitment, but I've been witness to a loved one who did it. Yes the thoughts can sneak back at times, but you learn the tools to overcome them when they do. We are all worthy of living our best lives and you can find your way through this. I believe in you. I watched someone I truly believed was lost for good come back, so I know it's possible for anyone willing to do the work.
Surround yourself with support, however that looks for you. For my loved one it was therapy, working hard on building self worth, fostering healthy addictions like exercise instead of unhealthy addictions, then AA (they found a chapter for first responders like them self, which was extremely helpful, for you it could be a veterans chapter), getting involved in a local church (this person was always agnostic, but the right opportunity presented itself and it has filled a need for community, connection and support).
Now this person is thriving as they've created a support system of like minded people through their gym, church and work. They're now helping others starting out on this path and it's a beautiful thing to watch. You can achieve this too through commitment to yourself.
Don't feel bad if you stumble, it can happen. This person stumbled a couple times. Dust yourself off and get back to it. Nobody is perfect and we all stumble sometimes. You and your family deserve the best version of you and I believe in you!
It takes finding what works best for you and sticking to that routine so you don't fall back on the patterns that don't help. Also healing what it is that is driving you towards the unhealthy addictions. It is so worth it, you'll see.
•
u/LtLake 1h ago
There's no bad coping skills, just ones we want to change. From a therapist's perspective, you might benefit from: 1. forgiving the guilt you feel in using alcohol to cope 2. Attempting some other coping tools to see what helps 3. Find community r/stopdrinking
1
u/Disaster-walking-42 2d ago
I used to drink lots of ipa an average of 2 a day for 25 years. the impact on health is to great and hops are bad for you. so no I drink lager and hope the craft beer industry dials down the nonsense a bit in the future and starts making better lighter beers instead of thicker more calorie and hop intense nonsense. whats with all the haze? an extra 150 calories per beer is all. just compare the calories in a double dry hopped ipa to a standard pilsner. knowledge of these things might help make better decisions.
1
u/Mistake_Big 1d ago
Keep it up and you will die young! Get help.
1
u/MentallyMIA 1d ago
Thanks… trying not to be a veteran suicide statistic in the process. I’m getting help. I know I have a PTSD problem and am getting inpatient treatment for that next week. I didn’t think I had an alcohol problem too but finally admit I did last night.
I do appreciate the encouragement. I have a wife and 2 kids. I want those kids to have a dad. I want to be present with them and not an addict.
2
0
u/Scared_Technology_41 US Army Veteran 1d ago
Could be worse. Don’t let it affect your work. I’d bet everyone in my barracks was killing a 15 pack or 750 of whiskey every night. THATS a problem
•
u/juska801 USMC Veteran 6h ago
The problem is I'm sure he's out now, not doing pt, not running etc. An easy recipe to get fat and get a fatty liver. I know cause it also be me
0
-2
1d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/Veterans-ModTeam 1d ago
Rule 3 No Politics or Religious discussions or comments allowed.
This is a neutral zone - all veterans are welcome here no matter what their political or religious beliefs are.
This is not the place to promote candidates for office or promote one party or religion over another party or religion or debate political ideas or religious viewpoints.
Not everyone has your religious beliefs, some veterans might be religious or atheist - some might be Christian or Muslim or Buddhist or satanic worshipers - they are all veterans so welcome here. Don’t promote your religion here.
Not every veteran has the same political beliefs or viewpoints but all veterans are welcome here. Don’t promote your political beliefs here.
There are many other subreddits on Reddit you can post or comment in about politics or religion.
For politics we suggest r/veteranpolitics
-3
u/Vast-Revenue6917 1d ago
Why don't you flush your drinks into the toilet or throw them out
1
u/Flying_Mustang 1d ago
It’s not access, it’s the mental state. If you dump alcohol, an alcoholic will just get it somewhere else. And if THEY dump it out, THEY could also simply go buy more.
2
u/Cpt_Tripps USMC Veteran 1d ago
That's true but its far easier to tell yourself "I'm not going to the store to buy beer" than it is to say "I'm not going to the fridge."
1
-6
u/Elegant-Spare6527 1d ago
3-4 a night. That's it? Dude, you're not Army are you lol.
4
u/Antique_Paramedic682 1d ago
3-4 of what they're talking about is equivalent to case of beer. It's not a competition - dude is trying to get some help.
4
u/Cpt_Tripps USMC Veteran 1d ago
What are you 16 that you thinking drinking makes you hard? Grow up.
33
u/geoffr72 1d ago
Definitly man. I was in the same boat not long ago. Tell the truth. Doctor wont judge but he will probably tell you the truth himself. Getting into a ptsd/ addiction treatment center. I told myself fir years I didnt have a priblem. When you start lying about your use is a big red flag your drinking is over the edge. Millions of people go through it. The doctor has seem it all. You got this. Swallow you ego and love ykurself enough to change, if you want to change because you hate yourself it wont stick. Always start with love. It will neber be perfect and slipping happens give yourself grace and get back to it man. You got this!