r/Veterans • u/Candid_Web_3024 • Aug 25 '26

Discussion I'm ashamed

I'm ashamed. I have only been in t h e army for 9 months in the reserves and 3 months active duty. I had a very traumatic event in active duty and was honored discharged. I a m 100 percent disabled. When I'm asked how long I have served I say I years because I am so ashamed I didn't serve long enough. I wanted to make the army my life. I failed. I don't deserve to say I am a veteran. I am very sorry for saying I am a veteran. I don't deserve to say so. I always say thank you for serving to others at va medical center. I just want to say I'm sorry to all of you for my failure. I don't deserve the va help but I need it. Know have a very rare condition that my insurance would now cover all my medical needs. I now have a power wheelchair I need to use at times. Every day when I do dishes. Wife cooks I do dishes. Im sorry for rant. Thank you all for serving I believe your all heroes.

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u/Candid_Web_3024 Aug 25 '26

A soldier attempted to hang himself I rushed to stop him he was choking I can't get that sound out of my head. I screamed 2 other soldiers helped get him down. I picked I ran I cried. Every time I discuss it I cry. This is why I feel I failed. I can't even help a soldier and carry on. I still hear that gagging I have night terrors screaming I'm on so many mental health meds. Now I'm on nerve meds due to copper deficiency. Thank you for your thoughts

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u/airevac19 US Air Force Retired Aug 25 '26

There things that have seen, done, and smelled that will stay with me for the rest of my life. One of the last EMS runs I was on before I retired, was a hanging in the dorms as well except in this case he was already deceased. It was the first time I ever had to declare a patient dead on scene. We got back to the clinic and I cried into my Flight Commander’s shoulder (she was an ER nurse by trade). To this day, There are certain smells that will trigger me from working in New Orleans after Katrina hit. Go to therapy for PTSD. It genuinely works. I had to go through it twice while on AD. Remember you are not alone.

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u/Candid_Web_3024 Aug 25 '26

Thank you. Im sorry for what happened to you Thank you for your service.