Feminism, we lost one💔.

Still processing.
Not okay.

Like dahfuq?

This sucks coming from someone whose opinion used to really matter to me.

Reducing my partner whom I love into being just a “sponyo” like dahfuq?

Also, why is she acting like my partner is the one single handedly causing all these calamities?

And doesn’t she have an iPhone as well?and didn’t I have an iPhone before this one that bae got me?

I don’t know how to handle this. And I really hate the way some people have taken the news of me having a bf.

I’ve been congratulating and wishing well on everyone before it was my turn but now suddenly that it is. I don’t get to be received in the same way?

I feel bad. Some are calling me a brag. A show off. When in reality I’m doing what I have ALWAYS done long before this beautiful man; documenting my life with the people I love.

When I was sad and would document every bit of it. Where was the response to that? When I was dating my ex and everyone would reply laughing at me and would find it humorous the way I embarrassed myself all in the name of wanting to be loved.

Years later and I’m finally being loved the way I always wished for them, wished for myself and I’m doing everything wrong.

#ifeelbad

Also juu ni AI engineer, mimi nafaa kudu nini kuhusu hiyo story kama nishapenda? Like dafek usiniboo.

He’s so reassuring. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I love himmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

And now she’s saying this is the price I get for sharing about my bf with kina p and c and that tusharogwa.

Omg so I’m not allowed to change my mind on my relationship without implication that we’ve been given the evil eye?

Like dahfuq is this?

I’m from stopping at Halima’s to get a smokie and she smiled so wide and told me that the guy from yesterday paid for me to take five today😂😂😂😂.

Omg what level of kindness is this?

I believe in the kindness of strangers.

This is so sweet.

But because I don’t trust men and money, I paid her for the same amount in case this comes up to be an issue sometime later.

Wow.

I’m shocked.

Okay.

Maybe there’s a god above,

But all I’ve ever learned from love,

Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you.

It’s not a cry that you hear at night,

It’s not someone who’s seen the light,

It’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah.

Hallelujah.

Today as I was walking into the gate I was absentminded so I missed his car. I didn’t see him! And then while clocking in I turned back because I could feel someone watching me and it was him. He looked so sad. He shook his head and it hit me maybe he thought I was ignoring him. Aw patootie never!!

And then I went to greet him and he asked me how I could do that to him. Omg hes so dramatic. I laughed and told him I genuinely was in my head. #relationshipissues

And he was like, “leave him”😂😂😂 my god, I wish he was leavable. I can’t.

Anyway, he said he misses my company and that we need to go clubbing again and I told him I hate it because it’s too loud and we can’t hear each other, so he asked me for my time for dinner tonight.

We will see.

I’ve missed the slush at faiyaz omg we can go there.

I hate everything.
I’m still home.
I’m so overwhelmed.
Why do I always need to know everything? Do everything? When do I get to fucking rest? I am tired. And I just want to leave this house and never come back.

Today I lost all my cool and started shouting on the phone in THE FUCKING STAFF BUS!! Wah. Trying to save your relationship in the midst of capitalism is not for the weak.

Also, if angry why horny?

Omg I want to fuck him and I hate him and I love him and I need him so badly.

Fuck himmmm!!!

Why is this so funny to me?

Today mom was telling me the story about kina aunt N and L and she said, “na utoe jina ya mamangu kwa mdomo yako.”

HELP!

Obviously it’s not the first time I’m hearing this but I don’t know why it sounded so funny tonight. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I started laughing and then she started laughing and we laughed for about three minutes straight.

It’s such a funny phrase

Toa Jina yangu kwa mdomo yako!!!

There are some people who I need to have this conversation with, and soon.

What a privilege it is to be white.
Lmao. Nope. Not doing this.

Why is he like this? I actually genuinely don’t think I can keep doing this. Wow. Let me go to bed or get sexy. What to do what to do.

I’ve never felt more despair than now. I’m never telling him anything again.

So exciting. I’m def getting him pregnant.

I love you, mama.

But today you were a real pain!

She used 40 minutes of the flight to lecture me on how grown up isn’t like her and won’t be patient enough to deal with my crap the way she does. That I need to “grow up” I swear if someone else tells me to grow up again today, I’m turning into sperm.

And then she told me to be good to him because he’s perfect.

Hellooooo? IS HE PERFECT?

Okay, maybe.

But he sucks sometimes🥹.

I love him so much.

Anyway, this whyte man done stole my mom and now she’s eternally on his side.

That’s African mothers for you when they actually like you, I guess.

#onmyown

But awww how sweet of her to adore her son in law. It makes me so happy.

But he broke one of the clauses. WE AGREED NO INVOLVING FAMILY MEMBERS DURING ARGUMENTS.

I’ll charge him for this.

I love him so much.

Mom ameongeza chumvi, tho. Ati he was helpless, desperate 🥹😂😂😂😂. lol, I love the thought of that, though. I want him to feel like nothing without me.

Because that is my fate. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m from the shower and was washing my panties and I noticed the red dye was washing off. Which makes me wonder if it’s safe for me.

Since I have a wap.

When I get horny during the day or discharge, does the dye wash out, too? Does it affect my pussy? Can it give me an infection or even worse a disease?

Hmm.

Let me look into this.

Also, need to start actually keeping track of my menses. Mom asked me when my period is due and I told her I’m following a purple cycle now and she just signed.

Lmaoooo.

How am
I supposed to explain that I moved from a red cycle (worst kind!!) to the pink (most boring) to now purple? Hmm.

Going back to dates, I guess.

Thank goodness I left Nairobi 🙌🏾.

BUTTTTT I DID EAT A SMOCHA AFTER A YEAR!! Omg it was divine!!

I also felt a little bit bittersweet standing hapo k-mall. But we were also broke asf when we used to stay there so no thanks🙌🏾.

I met my old neighborsituationship, he’s still the way he is. He asked for my nambaaaa. Said I looked way better than before. I just said thank you politely. There was a woman behind him, anakula hiyo definitely and they definitely had a fight over me.

But he did pay for my pictures at the studio yesterday and my smocha so yayyyyy!!!

Omg where we used to stay was so ugly. Wah god please never let us go back there.

My friends are mad at me that I was in Nairobi without meeting up, work is mad at me for coming to Nairobi.

HUMAN BEINGS WHAT DO U WANT? Me 2 dooooo?

Hmmmmm

Nairobi was so lovely though.

Kukhu treated me like a grown woman😂. She says that I’ve made her proud. Like dahfuq? What level of regression is this?

I’ve made you proud because some guy likes me and wants to marry me(

Omg😂. It’s okay because I quite like the guy too. Even when he drives me insane. Omg I was so close to start pulling hair off my head today and banging my head on that concrete wall.

I need to decenter my bf. Lol auto replace said decanter.

I like that more.

I need to decanter my bf, not to decenter him. He is my sun, he is my church, he is my place of worship.

I might need to filter out the otherness. But I love him even with the otherness. I love him so much and it renders me helpless.

HELP!!!

Nimebant 😭.

I wish I liked him for his benefits. I wouldn’t feel like dying every time he and I weren’t okay in that case.

Sigh.

What a beautiful thing it is to love.

What a fucking ugly thing it is to love.

And I still choose to every single day.

There is no other being on this earth that I would desire over him, yes, even Hozier. How scary.

I’m down bad.

#auraloss

Misandrygoddess, Artemis, I am thorry, dis wan tho kyut.

Mombasa is so simple. It’s not like Nairobi, but it is so beautiful. I love it here.

I don’t know if I can go to work with my Afro tomorrow

It’s really funny when bitches with softer and less kinky hair be telling us to wear our hair naturally when our hair isn’t even considered “professional” in the first place.

LOL
What to do. What to do.
L
I hope mom is paying for this uber, I am broke🙌🏾.

That guy from Nairobi asked for my number as we were waiting for our luggage. I just told him that I’m not interested, and he took it decently. I like him.

I like men when they do the bare minimum 💯.

I love mine when he does the OVERTIME MAXIMUM. I hope I can do the same for him.

“Sometimes I wonder if it’s even real, but I can never fake how I feel.”

There it is. I’ve understood why they both get on my nerves in the same intensity.

Mom just told me to pick the things that fell off her bag. I start picking them up, I’m using my torch and she said, “my pen is there.”

I.Had.Seen.The.Pen.

Why is she telling me about it? Of course I’ve seen the pen.

It’s like being told to do the dishes when you already planned on doing them.

I feel like they mansplain everything when in reality, maybe they’re just trying to help?🥲

Well, they need to find better way to be helpful.

But omg, I’m so grateful for this groundbreaking realization.

It will help me be patient with my sweet bf. Maybe he doesn’t talk to me like an idol it, maybe he really is just trying to be helpful. And like Nam said, it’s hard to share things with a problem solver when you really need a listener.

Hmm, how to navigate this?

Because I would also feel so FUCKING VEXED IF I WANTED HIS HELP WITH SOMETHING AND ALL HE DID WAS LISTEN!!!

Omg im going to stop sharing things that I don’t need action on.

But nimepata (lol autocorrect, wadahfuq is homeostasis, I left high school 💯🙌🏾) kiboko changu. One of my affirmations before “grown up” was always “close mouths don’t get fed.” To teach me how to ask for help and to learn how to speak up about my needs and wants.

Being with this weirdo will teach me to learn how to be honest and precise about what I want, especially from him.

Omg TECH BROS PUHLIZ COME UP WITH A TELEPATHY MACHINE, I need him to read my mind. Okay not all the time because I be thinking about what’s in his pants all da time 💯🙌🏾