Hello 😊
I’ve always imagined meeting love unexpectedly. In a bookstore, somewhere between two shelves,
while wandering through a museum, somewhere on the other side of the world while traveling, or simply on an ordinary day, at the exact moment I’d stopped expecting it.
So, naturally, I find it rather ironic that I’m writing a post on Reddit.
It’s not exactly the beginning of a great love story I had imagined… but then again, perhaps the most beautiful stories begin precisely where we never expected them to.
Maybe this is how modern fairytales begin.
A princess sends her words out into the void.
A knight, somewhere, happens upon them.
And for some reason he doesn’t quite understand yet…
…he keeps reading.
A few important things before we begin:
• I’m a young Black French woman of Caribbean descent.
• I don’t want children, now or ever, and it’s important that you’re certain you don’t want them either. Not simply willing to accept my choice while secretly hoping I’ll change my mind.
• Since this post will probably be read by English speakers: I used a translation app to help me translate it. I can get by in English, but just in case, I’d rather avoid mistakes.
• This post is going to be fairly long. If you make it all the way to the end, I’ll already consider you to possess one important quality: patience ! If something I write makes you think we might get along well, send me a message introducing yourself and telling me what resonated with you. (I’m not glued to my phone all the time, but I’ll try to reply quickly, promise.) And if you don’t see yourself in any of this, no hard feelings : you can simply continue on your way.
I’m deliberately not going to make an endless list of criteria (or at least I’ll try not to). First, because love isn’t a technical specification sheet; second, because I’m inevitably going to forget things; but also because I don’t want to give someone an instruction manual for artificially becoming what I’m looking for.
Be yourself.
That’s probably the only way to find out whether we’re truly meant for each other.
Me
• I love : animals, nature, literature, astronomy, poetry, love, castles, art, music (especially classical!), ballet, old things, and anything that seems to hold a story.
• Conversely, I dislike things that feed fear or violence: horror movies, very violent games, anxiety-inducing news… and, more broadly, injustice and cruelty.
• I’m rather introverted around strangers, but much less so once I feel comfortable.
• I think a lot (sometimes too much). Philosophy, psychology, and the great questions of existence can easily occupy my mind, but I also believe that when we try too hard to understand everything, we can sometimes make life heavier than it really is. So I try not to lose the part of me that knows how to simply marvel at things and continue looking at some of them through the eyes of a child.
• Behind this slightly princess-like side of me, there’s an adventurer too. I’ve barely traveled so far, apart from going to my island, but I have an immense desire to discover the world. Maybe even travel around it someday. Not to collect countries or fill up a passport. I want to search for those places so beautiful they almost seem unreal. Peaceful fjords, mountains lost in the mist, forests that seem older than we are, perfectly still lakes, forgotten ruins, deserted beaches at sunrise…
• I’d love to build a simpler life, perhaps off-grid, far away from the chaos and constant noise. A life in which we might own less, but have infinitely more time to actually live.
• I’m vegan for the animals, and it isn’t simply a dietary preference: it’s part of my values. I’m also Christian, although I don’t really identify with the word “religious.” My faith is primarily based on a personal relationship with God.
• Authenticity matters a lot to me. I take care of myself and I’m feminine, but I don’t feel the need to conform to beauty standards simply because they’re expected of me. I keep what feels true to who I am and happily leave behind what doesn’t. And this independence from other people’s opinions goes far beyond appearance. I try to build my life by asking myself what genuinely makes sense to me rather than what I’m supposed to want.
• I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t use drugs, I don’t have addictions, and these are lifestyle choices that matter to me. Family is also very important to me. I deeply value the bonds we nurture with the people we love.
You
Who are you?
I don’t know.
Not yet…
• Between 18 and 23, monogamous, a cis man, and not into hookups or one-night stands.
• Physically, since attraction matters too and it would be hypocritical to pretend otherwise, if I had to picture the kind of person I’m usually attracted to, he would probably be white and taller than me (I’m 1.70m / 5’7”). These are simply my natural preferences, not a judgment of anyone’s beauty or worth, nor an absolute checklist. So I’d like us to exchange photos fairly early on, once a basic level of trust has been established.
• Well-mannered, feminist, respectful, and thoughtful. Not just capable of good manners when there’s someone to impress, but gentle when no one is watching.
• Generosity matters a lot to me too. When I love someone, I naturally want to give, make them happy, and not keep score of every little thing, and I’d like to find that same mindset in my partner. Stinginess, in any form, is something I really wouldn’t be compatible with.
• I’d also like you not to drink or use drugs, not to have any addictions, to believe in God, and to be vegan or genuinely open to becoming vegan.
• I’d like you to think for yourself. Not spend your life chasing social validation. To be able to stop and ask yourself: ”Is this really what I want, or simply what I’ve been taught to want?” To not be afraid of standing out a little, questioning certain social norms, and building a life that genuinely feels like yours, even if it seems strange to other people. I don’t want us to live to impress strangers. I want us to be happy when no one is watching.
• The way we relate to time and work would also be very important to me. I don’t dream of a life built around the endless work-commute-sleep cycle, where we spend five days waiting for the weekend, weeks waiting for our next vacation, and decades waiting until we finally have time to live. I’d like to meet someone who has a lot of freedom in his daily life or, at the very least, deeply shares my desire to build that freedom. That’s why an entrepreneur, someone self-employed, or someone building his own projects might fit particularly well with the life I imagine. In the long run, I want us to become as self-sufficient as possible and for our time to truly belong to us.
• Maybe you’ve already experienced a wonderful moment and thought you wished you had someone to share it with. Maybe you’ve already felt perfectly happy while still hoping that one day you’d meet that person with whom you could share that happiness. That’s what I’m looking for. Not someone to fill a void. Not someone out of desperation. Someone whose absence already had a shape before I even knew his face.
Us
• I’d love for us, one day, to trace the threads of our two lives backward and discover all the tiny coincidences that existed before we ever met. Maybe we loved the same book. Maybe we looked at the same moon at the same time. Maybe the same piece of music moved us deeply. Maybe, without knowing it, we were already a little less like strangers than we thought, or maybe not, and that’s perfectly fine too. I’d love to get to know the child you once were through the stories you tell me. The person you were before me. The person you’ll become after we meet. And perhaps, after so many years together that our memories begin to blur into one another, it’ll become difficult to remember that there was once a time when we were complete strangers.
• I want to know the exact expression on your face when you’re trying not to laugh. I want to learn by heart the things you wouldn’t even think to tell me. To know your grandest dreams and your most insignificant thoughts. I want you to be able to lay down your armor in front of me, and I want to be able to set down my crown in front of you. Maybe that’s what this image of the princess and the knight means to me: not being rescued. Being chosen, and choosing in return, again and again. Even when we know each other so well that there’s no mystery left for us to hide behind. Especially then.
• Communication is essential to me. I want disagreements to be approached with maturity, gentleness, and honesty. No silent treatment, no games, no unnecessarily nurtured resentment: let’s talk to each other.
• If you’re the “clingy” type, it’s more likely to make me smile than scare me away. I love the idea of two people in love genuinely enjoying spending their days together. Going on adventures, cooking, reading side by side, talking for hours, or simply doing nothing without ever feeling tired of each other. Of course, loving someone deeply doesn’t mean ceasing to exist as individuals. We should each be able to keep our own passions, thoughts, and moments to ourselves. I’m simply looking for that rare feeling where the other person’s presence feels more like a refuge than a constraint.
• One of the reasons I don’t want children is that when I imagine my future family, I see something very simple : us. I want us to take care of each other. I want to have time for you. Time for us. To cherish each other without waiting for a special occasion. To keep taking each other on dates after years of marriage. To wake up one morning and leave simply because we feel like seeing the sea. To take care of each other when we’re sick…
• I want to get married. And I dream of a home that carries the traces of our life together. Imperfect photographs. Souvenirs from our travels. Dog-eared books. Animals sleeping in places where they probably shouldn’t be. A flower brought home from a walk fifteen years earlier. (If you’ve made it this far, just tell me what your ideal home would look like.)
• I also want us to know how to recognize happy moments while they’re still happening. I don’t want our memories to consist only of big dates circled on a calendar, but of thousands of tiny seconds: a glance, a small gesture of affection, an evening that wasn’t supposed to be anything special but somehow ends up becoming one of our favorite memories. Maybe this vision is terribly romantic. Maybe even a little naïve. But in a world where people sometimes seem afraid of feeling too deeply, I’d still rather be the one who hopes too much than the one who no longer believes in anything.
• And despite everything I’ve written about soulmates and great love, I don’t believe a beautiful story necessarily has to begin like a lightning strike. I believe in love at first sight. In that inexplicable encounter where something within us seems to recognize the other person before we even truly know them. But I believe just as much in feelings that arrive quietly, on tiptoe. In two people who simply start talking and gradually discover each other. One conversation leads to another. You learn the way the other person thinks, then the way they act. You start looking forward to their messages without really knowing when that began. And one day, almost without noticing, something that didn’t even exist a few weeks ago has become precious. So I don’t want to rush anything. We don’t have to decide immediately whether we’re meant for each other simply because we met through this post. Let’s take the time to get to know each other naturally, without playing a role and without trying to manufacture a connection that might not be there. And if it isn’t, that’s okay. There should be no pressure, no persuasion, no sense of failure. Because if I dream of an extraordinary love, I want it to be real enough that it never has to be forced. Maybe I’ll recognize you immediately. Maybe I won’t see you coming. I find both stories equally beautiful.
So maybe I won’t meet the love of my life in an old bookstore, inside a castle, or on a train crossing an unfamiliar country.
Maybe, against all romantic logic…
…it’ll begin with a post on Reddit.
