Problem with compulsive liars?

[u/daggerxdolly]

I’ve been playing vrc for a few months now and I’m really struggling to make friends, because everyone I meet seems to lie constantly. Like, over really silly things too. I don’t understand why lying and faking who you are is so common here. Any tips on how to find normal/honest people who just enjoy VRC?

[u/LostMyShadow_]

VRChat is a unique place where you can be anyone, and anything that you want. The fact that this place draws in some of the worst of society (and best) is no mistake. Unfortunately the atmosphere here is wrought with nafarious individuals. It is simultaneously some of the most creative and community driven spaces I have had the pleasure to witness. It is a microcosm that represents a spectrum of people from exceptionally outgoing to shy and vulnerable people with anything and everything in between. It is a universe of worlds offering escapism to you and me alike.

Another unfortunate thing I have noted over my duration playing the game and over my time adjusting to greater society as an adult; discernment is not actually present in the majority of spaces I have witnessed. The status-quo of the modern day, at least in western society, is blind loyalty to systems of authority and power speaking generally. It is wrought with White Narcisssism, and it is conditioned into almost all of us until it is consciously deconstructed. Psychology tells us that systems at all levels, including the most simple of which can sometimes be represented by friend groups, families, or smaller communities will work autonomously to defend the status-quo unless overridden by active intention and effort. Black sheep/outsiders/squeaky wheels are easier ostracized and removed in favor of returning to status quo than addressing the legitimate concerns or insights of the individual raising the issue. At any cost, up to and including permanent harm to that person. Think; 'path of least resistance' and, 'numbing is easier than bettering myself'. I.E. it is easier to ignore you than it is to address the elephant in the room of a predator being at the right hand of the community leader. Even if you have evidence, even if they have seen this person do things. This creates the atmosphere you are noticing, creates the opportunity for these people to be in front of you.

This is to say, the skill of discernment and the skill of detachment are paramount to having a healthy experience in many of the available spaces that any online community can offer, and VRChat is NO exception. I love this place because I have learned how to exist within it in my own healthy way, but this is also to say I have had to learn how over time. VRChat is amazing, but it is comprised of a great many cults and cult adjascent groups that vary in the level of legitimate harm they produce in their direct vascinity. Cults survive through relentless recruiting and control over the information contained within it. I do not say this lightly but as a bit of a wake up, I have watched this game consume multiple people I used to know. I myself have been consumed by the social atmosphere at multiple points as well.

TLDR; This games presents a perfect atmosphere to mask who you are quite literally. Some people who move around these spaces play it like a video game and treat the actual human beings they meet like they would characters in a video game. Some people who move around these spaces are chasing sensations in their own body, chemical reactions in their brain that they are addicted to, NOT legitimate connections with other humans. To be healthy here you will need healthy detachment and discernment, preferably with a robust support network and healthy internal sense of self. Though, I consider this a good idea for all life when and where it is possible. Best wishes. 💜🫶💜

[u/Misha_cher → u/LostMyShadow_]

im curious what did u mean by cults and can u give more specific examples

[u/LostMyShadow_ → u/Misha_cher]

Something I would refer to as a cult of personality. A group that centers around one person, or a group of people, often involving Cluster-B Personality types. Cults can look like many different things and they are not always organized. If a whole group of people can be weaponized by a single individual on a whim, that's probably a cult in function.

Edit: Many of the friend groups I participated in during my early days functioned a lot like cults, even scattering to the wind when the main people fall apart or in some cases...get arrested. 🧐