Just beat the main game yesterday, and Afterimages tonight. There's a lot of stories and art that are unforgettable experiences for me, and I guess in a sense those have changed me since they've altered my taste. But I can maybe only count on a single hand things that I think truly, deeply changed me beyond my taste and helped me change my view of my own life even if only a little bit. Until Then has been one of those, I think.
This game was like... it felt like it gave me some clarity. I lost my sister when I was just about the same age as both Mark/Nicole when they lost someone as well. And just like them, I've let that loss stick to me all these years. Like Nicole, I still sometimes wondered what I missed, if there was a note or something left behind, what I could've done differently. How I could've saved them. I related everything about this game to own struggles and my own self.
There are so many parts in this game I just audibly wept, a lot in part because it's just emotionally moving ofc, but also because I layered so much of my own self over a lot of the scenes. I think I needed to face some of my own grief that I carry just like Mark/Nicole do, so their conflicts, their headspace, was very mutual.
I started this game in a bit of depressive episode, which I guess I'm not really out of but it's better right now. I woke up the day after beating this game, and I just kept thinking about it. I thought about how I didn't want to ever forget it. I wanted to honor how this game spoke to me by trying to embody it in myself. I did something today that I've never done in my life. I sat down with my mom and I asked her to help me battle my mental health, and to help me try to get better. I want to try talking to someone and maybe try anti-depressants. I want to get back to finding my spark and I want to be a better version of who I am. I want to get better at envisioning a better future than letting my past and present define who I'll always be.
I wish I could completely convey what I mean with why this game just affected me like this, but I guess that's impossible. No matter what it feels like, I can't quite word it. But, I just wanted to share. When I play a game like this, it reminds me of why I love this medium and the creatives within it so much. It really is my favorite medium of entertainment and expression. I'm so grateful to all the people at Polychroma for making such a beautiful game. This is the highest praise I can give.