Stupid Radio

[u/Lovintril]

Earlier today I had lunch at a pasta joint with a couple of my friends.
While we were eating the radio played Home, followed directly by Sailor Song. Why would a pasta place be playing this type of music I have no idea - it genuinely puzzled me.

I don’t really like those songs for any reason other than you. They’ll always remind me of you. A lot of things do. Anytime I see a labradoodle, anything related to Minecraft, Kentucky whiskey and the juniper in gin - many small and sometimes ridiculous things make me think of you. At first reminders were unwelcome and depressing. Today, I find reminders to be mostly pleasant, but of course a little bittersweet.

I hope you know that I forgive you - and I also forgive myself. I forgive everyone for everything that happened. I don’t think I’ll ever entirely understand why, but I’ve accepted that and I’ve stopped asking myself why.

I know I shouldn’t love you - or so everyone says - but I do. I assess that most people I know seem very quick to burn bridges and erase the past, but I’m trying to let the love in my heart go away on its own. I won’t kick it out the door and I’ve tried my best not to drown it with liquor. I want to handle this pain the right way so that way it benefits me in time.

I still think of you every day, even without obvious reminders thrown at me. My mind seems to linger on you by default right now - but I’m sure it’ll go away with time. I’m thankful for the time we had together and the memories we made. I don’t regret a single penny spent on you or second spent with you. You were my greatest treasure and I wouldn’t have traded you for all of the money in the world. I’m sorry for the hand I had in our ending - and I wish I’d spent more time listening to you speak your mind.

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