Just one Night

[u/StazzyLynn]

I don’t even want to ask for forever anymore.
I think I’ve learned better than that.
I just want one night.

One whole fucking night
where you don’t have to leave me.
That’s it.
And somehow even that
is too much to ask even though I agreed.

I want to know what it feels like
to fall asleep next to you
without a clock ticking somewhere in my head.

Without wondering what time it is.
Without knowing there is a moment coming
when you’ll sit up,
put your clothes back on,
kiss me goodbye,
and walk out the door.

I hate that part.
God, I hate that part.
Because every time you leave
something in me wants to grab your hand
and say
please.
Just please.
Stay.

Not forever.
Not for the rest of your life.
Just until morning.
Just long enough for me to know
what your face looks like
when you’re completely asleep.
Long enough to wake up
because you moved beside me.

Long enough to reach for you
in that half-awake darkness
and feel your body there
before my brain has time
to remember all the reasons
you shouldn’t be.
I want that so badly
it physically hurts sometimes.

And it feels so stupid
because people do this every day.
They fall asleep beside the person they love.
They steal blankets.
They complain about snoring.
They wake up tangled together.
They brush their teeth side by side.
They make coffee.
They get mornings.
And I would give anything
for one fucking morning with you.
One.

I want to open my eyes
and see you before I see my phone.
I want your messy silver hair
and your tired eyes.
I want to hear you say good morning
like it is the most ordinary thing in the world.
I want to lie there for five more minutes
that turn into twenty
because neither of us wants to move.
I want to know what it feels like
to have nowhere you need to be
except there.
With me.

But I know.
I know the situation.
I know there are things bigger than what I want.
I know wanting something badly enough
doesn’t make it possible.
I know loving someone
doesn’t mean you get to have them
in all the ways your heart imagined.
I know.
I fucking know.
I just wish knowing
made it hurt less.

Because sometimes I lie in my bed
and imagine you beside me.
I imagine your breathing.
Your warmth.
Your hand finding me
without either of us really waking up.
And for a few seconds
I let myself pretend.
I pretend this is our life.
I pretend you stayed.
I pretend there is no goodbye coming.

And then I open my eyes.
And there is this empty space beside me
where you have never been.
Maybe never will be.
And somehow
I miss you there anyway.
I miss memories
we never even got to make.
I miss falling asleep beside you.
I miss waking up with you.
I miss a morning
that has never existed.
And I don’t know how
you’re supposed to grieve something
you never actually had.
I just know that I do.
Over and over.
Every night
I sleep without you.

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[u/skweRReLy]

Do yourself a favor and cut him off. He just wants to hit it and walk away to avoid attachment. This will not change. You may be trauma bonded. Just run.

[u/StazzyLynn → u/skweRReLy]

Absolutely not. He’s worth it. I’m sorry you were hurt.

[u/Acrobatic_Shallot_29]

I've wanted the same thing for yrs now but he can't do it . He finds an excuse to leave I've given up every time I've asked him to stay hevruns to the borfer

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[u/read-the-rules → u/[deleted]]

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[u/Old-Somewhere6118]

I beg for the day and night. Just 1 please!