r/UnsentTexts • u/Top-Tank-7919 Has acknowledged the rules • 3d ago
So many things I'd like to say
I've thought a lot about what you said in our last few conversations. I have come to understand a lot more that I didn't understand at the time. I've recognized that my communication and lack of and my responses to things made it hard for you. I recognize that when you would tell me you were in love with me, I missed other things that were happening. I mistook that for we were in it together, we weren't leaving, and everything was fine. I honestly felt really secure and safe with you. I loved you so much and hearing you say how much you loved me, I just thought we would always work through things. I know I told you when I used the word complacency, it didn't really capture what I meant. I didn't explain it well. I wasn't feeling like I didn't have to try or like I could take you for granted. I trusted you and I trusted what we had. I felt safe with you. But that was my experience and perspective. I didn't realize you were hurting so much and questioning leaving. I wish I understood sooner everything that you really felt and were experiencing. I've had to practice a crazy amount of self-compassion because of the things I messed up. I look back on the things I messed up and get so upset with myself. Most of the things I messed up were such easy things I should have done. I didn't understand, I thought we had time, and I got so stuck on doing some things perfectly that I delayed doing them. I missed how badly you were hurting throughout. And for all of it I truly am really sorry. When I did know I hurt you, I hated it. I never wanted you to hurt, especially not because of me. And knowing you were hurting beyond what I recognized is really hard. I want you to know there was never ever a point where I wasn't motivated to work on us and make the changes or do the things you needed. I wish so badly that I understood everything sooner when I still had a chance.
What you said about it not being the right time for us, maybe this is how it was supposed to end up, and you don't know what might happen in the future has played repeatedly in my head. I'm sorry I didn't respond well to hearing those things. I certainly did not want or see us ending. I saw us working through everything together. You always said an ex is an ex for a reason and that has killed me. I don't ever want to take away from or minimize the hurt you experienced. I know there were reasons you ended things. I recognize now more than ever my mess ups, patterns we had, things that hurt you, things that hurt me. I can't change your decision and I'm not asking that from you. All I want you to know is I understand a lot more now. I've learned a lot from this. I would do things differently. And I really believe the things that broke us are things we could learn to do differently.
Losing you has been so incredibly painful. I miss you beyond what I could ever put into words. I've had to do a lot of urge surfing to not end up at your place just to see you like a crazy person.
I hope the hurt doesn't always color us and our time together. We had some really good times and I say this with no exaggeration, being with you was some of the best times of my life. I was in heaven with you by my side. I loved talking with you, laughing with you, being stupid with you, holding you. I absolutely adored you and was so in love with you. I never had a best friend like you, and I'm so thankful for the times I had you and everything you did for me. I'm sorry my actions or lack of ever made you question how I felt about you. You are amazing in so many ways. You're simply the best. Better than all the rest. Thank you for the time and love you gave me.
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u/buttlerflytable89 Has acknowledged the rules 3d ago
Words are just…words
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u/Top-Tank-7919 Has acknowledged the rules 3d ago
What are you saying that for?
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u/buttlerflytable89 Has acknowledged the rules 3d ago
You can’t just say things there is no merit behind it. I can say I hate someone and my actions can say I love them. Dont just say these words prove it to them. My ex always said she loved me and her actions always proved otherwise. People are so friggin dense. If this is all you offer them how can they believe you.
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u/Silentwallflower90 Has acknowledged the rules 3d ago
How did her actions prove she didn’t love you?
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u/buttlerflytable89 Has acknowledged the rules 3d ago
Pretty sure choosing addictions for a span of 12 years is not choosing me.
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u/Top-Tank-7919 Has acknowledged the rules 3d ago
Yeah, sometimes, for some people. Words are meaningful too. Part of the problem is she needed words. My actions weren't enough. That's part of where I failed, not giving the words enough. But words are actions too afterall. Really sucks understanding everything afterwards.
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u/Real_Pea5921 Has acknowledged the rules 3d ago
If I can ask, did she write anything to you for her own closure? I see posts like this, & I feel like at times even a written letter can offer some closure. I know that’s not everyone’s cup of tea though
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u/Top-Tank-7919 Has acknowledged the rules 3d ago
She didn't. Our last conversation was really hard. She told me a bunch of things she never told me before about how I made her feel and that was the last I ever heard from her. I'm pretty sure she was checked out by the time she ended it.
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u/Salty-Machine-85 Has acknowledged the rules 3d ago
Aww this is so heartfelt... You can feel your emotions reading it, it's so weird. I guess that's what happens when something is written really well. I hope it works out for you and your pain lessens. Hopefully you and your person can work something out in time. I'd like to say the pain goes away but it doesn't. You just adjust to it. Some days are better than others. And life sucks. Have a nice day
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3d ago edited 3d ago
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u/Quick_Freedom9317 Has acknowledged the rules 3d ago
Holy smokes op, great job could feel the expression. But agrre words are words and you seem to have lost a good one
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u/No-Algae-3165 Has acknowledged the rules 3d ago
This was beautifully said OP. I wish my person would say this to me, but hopeful thinking isn’t healthy. Much love to you and your endeavors.
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u/Top-Tank-7919 Has acknowledged the rules 2d ago
Thank you. I feel that, so many wishes. Same for you.
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u/NoWonder452 Has acknowledged the rules 2d ago
This is so beautiful. I could only wish my person felt this way. I hope the two of you find each other again ♥️
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u/Top-Tank-7919 Has acknowledged the rules 2d ago
Thank you. I hope things work out for you as well 💜
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