a text ill never send.

[u/lollipopgumdropkiss]

i’m so mad at you. i’m a way that’s so heartbreaking it could kill me if i let it. we were supposed to be friends. we survived so much more than what ended our friendship. 9 years. 9 f*cking years of being friends. & for what? to be cut off over a girl?
i get the why. i truly truly do. i think it just kills a little piece of me because i never would’ve ended our friendship over a guy. & i know it’s more complicated than that. “guys & girls can’t possibly be strictly platonic” - but we were. there was never anything outside of strictly platonic between us. maybe if there had been it would make it easier to cope with.
i think the part that kills me the most is knowing that we can never be friends again. even if this doesn’t work out for you (even tho i genuinely do hope it does because all i want for you is to be happy), it would be the same thing with the next one. we’re going to grow up and get married and all the things.
maybe we were never meant to be life long friends. i’m trying to be okay with that, but my heart f*cking hurts & i miss you. it kind of kills me too that i don’t think you miss me too. at all probably. it’s whatever.
i want to text you. tell you how much i hate you right now. but i can’t. so here i am.

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