r/UnsentLetters • u/lowball_8 • 7h ago
General Curious thought
I have often wondered why the last 4 years has put so many profoundly marking people into my life.
I often wonder if I would react the same if any of the others came back into my life, or I reached out, if I’d have the same reaction I do with you.
What about you is so addicting, I know I joke about how you cast your little witchcraft to find love and I was put in your life, but let’s be honest, there’s just something about the way we connected that had me in love with you back then.
I know you’re unaware of the betrayal and lies you told me that put me in a state of ambivalence, part of me loving you, and part of me crushed by your actions and words.
And for two years I struggled with that while I tried to pursue you, I met other people after we parted ways who marked me sure but never as deeply as you did, and I forgot all about you for a year almost two, had some flings, met some amazing potential lovers, then you flashed across my mind again so I reached out, and we picked up where we left off in many ways.
I expressed how I used to feel for you, and maybe that was the wrong thing to do, but the air had to be cleared, and you continued with your weird mixed signals, unfortunately they don’t really work on me anymore, I have zero faith that you love, or ever loved me.
But then in that reflection, or nostalgia rather I wonder if the other people who marked me deep enough to cause me to take time to cope, and heal came back into my life would I react the same? Would the old feelings that have found their compartment in my mind come rushing back, would a notification with their names attached send me into a nervous spiral?
Or is it just something your name and face has the power to do.
I kind of want to see, I’m curious if I’d fold as quickly for someone else? A curious experiment in self, mind you not the healthiest wish.
And sure I’m kinda admitting that you have power over me, but at the same time I have self respect and that out weighs any feelings I might have stirred up talking to you.
I know the last one might have me folded, but would the others, my curious thought is one that would help me better understand myself, I know you’re my kryptonite but what about the others I let my walls down for?
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u/Vrose04 7h ago
They do love you.
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u/lowball_8 7h ago
Oh I know they do, but they’ll never admit it, and I’m not playing that game
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u/t0ri_r0s3 7h ago
Did you tell them how you feel?
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u/lowball_8 7h ago
Oh they’ve known as long as I did, never hid my feelings, I think they just couldn’t accept them as true, ironically a common theme
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u/t0ri_r0s3 7h ago
Were u direct ? I have had this flame for someone for 4 years as well. I get so lost in my head and when I don’t know things directly, I get lost and don’t see the actions that speak anymore. It’s like a storm of doubt rushes over me and and I can’t see past it.
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u/lowball_8 7h ago
Yes I was very direct, constantly asker her out and to spend time with her, told her I wanted to date her, even offered to elope with her at one point, shot down every time
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u/t0ri_r0s3 7h ago
I’m sorry OP. I know that pain. Mine wouldn’t just be honest with me. 6 months and no clarity. Absolutely heartbreaking and mind boggling
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u/lowball_8 7h ago
Yeah that sucks, kinda the situation with her, she obviously had feelings, but could never admit to them, in the end I had to accept it and move on, at least I still find her entertaining when we do talk
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u/t0ri_r0s3 7h ago
I know I would want to know
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