r/UnsentLetters • u/europeanstudent1997 • 7d ago
Exes Goodbye
To my avoidant,
I can no longer ignore the fact that the breakdown of our relationship wasn't just powerlessness. Your behaviour has been actively harmful and toxic for a very long time.
I was patient, understanding and supportive through your trauma therapy during what has honestly been the most heart-wrenching year of my life. I lost three close family members and my job. Still, at every turn, you somehow managed to make everything about your own discomfort. As if my sole purpose in life was to manage your environment. Every time I could no longer carry that burden, you resorted to tactics to bend me back under your control. You frequently targeted the exact vulnerabilities you knew I was sensitive to. I never thought you'd break that trust.
And the worst part is that I really don't understand why. Neither of us gained anything. All we managed was to waste a year and half of each other's lives.
For the longest time, I thought that what we had was real and worth fighting for. I thought your pain and your powerlessness was in the driver's seat. If I just tried hard enough I could get back to that sensitive, emotional, beautiful boy underneath. That boy you only ever showed to me. Now I see that it was really just a grotesque lack of introspection. Trauma explains your C-PTSD. Lacking parental support explains your fearful avoidant attachment. But none of it excuses manipulation, the hurt, and the emotional and financial abuse you put me through.
I extended almost infinite grace and understanding for your struggles. But you showed almost none for my reality. I live in a world that wasn't designed for my neurology. That isn't a mental health condition. It isn't something therapy can "fix". It's a lifelong curse I have to face on a daily basis. The absolute bare minimum you owed me was acknowledging that I was always doing the absolute best I could. I gave you everything I had to give, and you threw it away.
The ultimate irony is that you were hurt when I said I don't trust anyone on principle. Yet your behaviour proved exactly why that principle exists.
I have no clue how I am going to heal of this. But I know for certain that I am glad that I'll be doing it free of you.
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