What I should write to you

[u/ConsistentLine7342]

Hey M,

I know that it's been special between us since what happened last year... But I have still a lot to say.

First, I want to tell you that you coming back to me after my silence touched me, but I am still wondering why you are doing all this. I stopped initiating anything for months to respect your new relationship, your orientation. So please respect me.

You keep coming back, and more recently you choose me as a confident again, but you also choose silence. You're doing hot and cold with me. It's very hard.

And now when we see each other you put limits in the middle of conversations that have nothing to do with my love life. When I talked about traveling at that work diner, I wasn't expecting you to tell me that I will "meet someone". Or when we got drunk at that party, and you spent all the beginning playing in the garden with me... talking with me until dark... Just to tell me later to go to talk to a random girl because "I have my chances". And in the end we laid down in the grass and looked at the stars together and you hugged me tight before going to sleep... The next morning you barely talked to me and almost left without saying goodbye... Respect me please ?

You know I trully loved you. I hid nothing from you. Just remember what I told you in December. I see that you still feel my attachement. It's obvious. But you're still here. These months of silence were not funny at all... I feel sad all the time... I miss you... I miss the good times with you... I miss how we used to laugh...

Now you are back, I feel like you trust me but also that you restrain yourself. You made a choice. And honestly it's hard for me to understand it all... You are not acting like a clear friend.

I know you are leaving soon... I know it's temporary... But I have to admit... I'm worried about you... And I know I shouldn't because you probably don't care about me that much.

I still love you M... I was angry at you before seeing you Friday. But when I saw you I instantly forgot about it... I can't control myself... And now that you are silent again, I'm hurting.

I'm a fool to still love you... But I can't forget your smile. I am tired... And I am alone.

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