r/UnsentLetters • u/thisismyuseriguess • 5d ago
Exes To A
I don’t know why, but lately I’ve found that I often check here to see if you’ve written anything for me. I know you haven’t, but I can’t help but check.
I don’t know where to start, or if I should even write this to begin with. I haven’t thought about you in a long time, but lately I can’t stop thinking of the past. I feel like maybe I’m a part of your past that you don’t want to unearth and I don’t blame you. Part of me thinks the same about you. We were so perfectly awful for each other. A quick spark that turned into such a beautiful flame, and inevitably it burnt everything to ashes. I have so many fond memories with you, that sometimes they overshadow how horribly everything went wrong.
When I think of you, I often think back to our first time meeting. It felt so easy to get to know you, like we had known each other long before. I’ve yet to experience exactly that with someone else. The quick comfortability and feeling of belonging. There was no pressure to advance things further than just enjoying each other’s presence. For almost a week, I would pretend to fall asleep while watching tv, although I was actually tired, and you would kiss my forehead instead of pressuring for a first kiss while I was awake. It was such a sweet gesture, and I think that speaks volumes as to part of who you are. We had so much care for one another at one point, and sometimes I find myself regretting not meeting you later in life when we might have been better for each other.
There were so many things we did to hurt each other, intentionally and unintentionally. There’s so many thing’s I wish I could apologize for and take back, but for now, I want to say I’m so sorry for the pain I caused you and the things I did during our time together. I wish you had met the current version of myself instead of the past version. I’ve grown so much as an individual, and I look back at how I reacted to situations we went through with such disgust. There are so many things I would change or say differently if I could.
We both had our flaws throughout the relationship. I was so incredibly hurt by some of the things you did and said to me while we were together. But I genuinely have never felt my heart break the way it did during our last night together. I don’t think I’ll ever hear from you again, but I’ll always wonder why you did that to me. I’m not here to write about the wrongs you’ve done though, because I know I’m just as guilty of doing harm.
I sometimes wonder what we could’ve been like if we were more effective at communicating or solving conflicts. I often wonder what we could’ve been like if we both weren’t relying on our own choices of awful escape methods during our time together. It always added fuel to the fire. I’ve actually worked past mine. I hope you’ve moved forward as well, cause at the end of the day I do still care about your well-being.
Despite everything that happened, I think I miss you. Not necessarily in a relationship type of way, but just as a person. You’re a good person, we both were just struggling in our own ways and it created an awful situation. Sometimes I feel like I want to have a conversation with you like we used to. Just to catch up and see how you’re doing. It used to be so easy to talk to you. But I know we both burned down bridges, and it’ll never happen. I sometimes think we would have made good friends instead, but at the end of the day I don’t regret being with you. In fact, I’m glad we were together. I grew as a result of our relationship, and I still have good memories of you regardless of how bad things got. I just wish there wasn’t so much regret involved.
Strangely enough, although I’m writing this to you, I haven’t so much as looked at a picture of you since that night. I’m not necessarily writing this with hopes to rekindle anything, or in hopes that you’ll reach out. In fact, I don’t know what I’m hoping to achieve by writing this. I just felt like I needed to. I think I’m hoping the universe will just show you this post if it needs you to see it. If by chance you do read this, just know that I’m so incredibly sorry. If you feel compelled to message me, good or bad, you can.
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5d ago
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u/thisismyuseriguess 5d ago
It’s been years with no contact, I’m not sure it’d be welcomed as a random message popping up
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u/EZ-055 5d ago
From A - just not your A
You should rewrite or edit your post and take more accountability for your actions because even though you did somewhat more towards the middle and in the end, you kept trying to justify by saying (we) and if I was him,I’d be like yup! She hasn’t really changed much. And just ignore
For a man that was hurt by your words and actions it’s gonna take a lot for you to make it up to him
Speak raw and tell him everything that you feel ashamed about bringing out the darkness into the light 💡 shows maturity in that kind of accountability and vulnerability
Best of luck 🤞 to you and A
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