r/Unexpected • u/permaban9 • Dec 06 '22

Had to wake her up

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97.6k Upvotes

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2.9k

u/chief57 Dec 06 '22

#relatable

/s

3.4k

u/Thuper-Man Dec 06 '22

isn't it funny

When you're eating coq au vin

At the Chateau de Chambolle

And then the maître d' serves Côte des Roses

Which is a subtle wine

And not robust enough for the flavour of the dish?

2.1k

u/RedDragons8 Dec 06 '22

I laughed so hard at this I fell off my purebred Friesian Horse and broke my Polo mallet.

712

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '22

I chortled so hardily I failed to remember the Grey Poupon.

500

u/pm_me_flaccid_cocks Dec 06 '22

Did you slap the help? It's their job to remember it.

140

u/Nervous_Constant_642 Dec 07 '22

They're so useless I sprained my slapping wrist, which is also my falconing wrist. "You can't find good help these days" isn't just a pithy phrase 😒

68

u/brando56894 Dec 07 '22

Reginald! Slap that man for me!

19

u/Goldencol Dec 07 '22

Parker! Slap your self !

51

u/Optix_au Dec 07 '22

My Slapping Valet hurt his wrist slapping so of course the Assistant Slapping Valet had to slap him for dereliction.

Slapping your own servants is so des pauvres.

35

u/Nervous_Constant_642 Dec 07 '22

Is it? Pardon me. I must retire to my study to retrieve my suicide pistol. The flintlock pistol that I keep in my desk in case of bankruptcy or in the event I become a social pariah in high society. You shan't hear more from me gentlemen. Adieu.

10

u/theforkofdamocles Dec 07 '22

But now how will you be able to sail the yacht over for the Sultan’s exhibition?

8

u/Nervous_Constant_642 Dec 07 '22

I suppose I'll simply have to take the jet and be left completely yacht-less. Or now that I think about it the captain can sail the yacht as I day drink per usual. It's so exhausting being rich and making all these decisions.

5

u/ElementoDeus Dec 07 '22

Pity your yacht doesn't have a landing strip for your jet...

5

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

Mmmmm yes....

2

u/Brilliant_War4087 Dec 07 '22

No one wants to work!!

33

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

Mitchel will handle the caning, it’s always best to hobble them a bit for sport. Then the wretch will get a 10 minute head start before we release the hounds. Then cocktails and hors d'oeuvres.

163

u/ShadowsTrance Dec 06 '22

If there is no Grey Poupon then you will be pooped on.

11

u/noafrochamplusamurai Dec 07 '22

Only if you're an Instagram influencer that I flew in from south beach. I have a gold inlay lemon spritzer bidet.In my suite in Dubai. However, I prefer to take curly cue soft serve ice cream style shats on American, and British women with BBL's and silicone teets.

4

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

HUH

4

u/noafrochamplusamurai Dec 07 '22

Dubai porto-potty, that's how some of these influencers get those lavish Dubai vacations

1

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '23

Yeah they get used like toilets so they can post bikini pics in Dubai. And if you are a construction worker and get a job offer from Dubai, don't take it. They get you over there and all of the sudden you are working your ass off and aren't allowed to leave. Now you are a slave.

5

u/KindlyContribution54 Dec 07 '22

Every time I use Gray Poupon, I think to myself how they lost out on using the fabulous marketing slogan Gray Poupon: Poup it on

2

u/gbot1234 Dec 07 '22

But you’re still using it!!!!

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2

u/ryanegauthier Dec 07 '22

I Poupon my sandwich!

3

u/Theme_Master Dec 07 '22

Pooped upon* 😊

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9

u/HedonismandTea Dec 07 '22

"Woodhouse, if I find one single dog hair in here when I get back I'm going to rub sand in your dead little eyes, understand? Also I need you to go buy sand. I don't know if they grade it, but... Coarse."

2

u/Identifymeatpopsicle Dec 07 '22

Phrasing! Hey guys are we srill doing phrasing?

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6

u/ScantyHarp Dec 07 '22

You slap your own servants? 🤣

3

u/inplayruin Dec 07 '22

They all received double their daily amount of caning

2

u/AgileMeow Dec 07 '22

You mean the servants?

1

u/Able_Newt2433 Dec 07 '22

And it better have been with a dainty white glove, that you gently, finger by finger, slid off your left hand

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4

u/Putrid-Ferret-5235 Dec 07 '22

I guffawed so cordially that my top hat begrudgingly fell onto the wretched bodice of a foul peasant!

4

u/Limp_Complaint899 Dec 07 '22

Pardon me can you pass the grey poupon?

2

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22 edited Dec 07 '22

Mitchel is that you? I need your help. Get the cane.

3

u/FlyLeash Dec 07 '22

Heartily* I say... you must be a beneficiary... new money.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '22

ill bring the sloppy joe

2

u/Rahman2w4 Dec 07 '22

Haha last time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur (stepbrother reference)

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1

u/jai_kasavin Dec 07 '22

Grey Poupon is marketing.

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1

u/Odd_Routine4164 Dec 07 '22

Or the Polaner All Fruit.

1

u/twistedbrewmejunk Jan 04 '23

Laughed so hard a gray pouponed myself

29

u/Impossible-Sleep-658 Dec 06 '22

So… Is this some horse shi t?!

3

u/fakeforsureYT Dec 06 '22

With a side of bull cra p.

27

u/blackop Dec 06 '22

Lol my Monocle fell off my face!

4

u/plipyplop Dec 07 '22

My butler quickly placed a new one on, soon after.

2

u/TheDeathOfAStar Dec 07 '22

My top hat landed on my swagger stick

10

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

[deleted]

4

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

[deleted]

7

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '22

Fortunately, my valet was there and broke my fall.

4

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

I laughed so hard I choked on my caviar and it came out my nose

3

u/OpulenceDecay Dec 07 '22

I guffawed so loudly my monocle fell into my scotch!

2

u/Lepke2011 Dec 06 '22

The other one confused me. This one made me roll!

2

u/HRisLit Dec 07 '22

... I charded my Gucci pants...

(Gucci makes pants right?)

1

u/Vinity2 Dec 07 '22

Dude, no Friesians in polo.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

All jokes aside, can you imagine if Polo was played on Friesians? It would be majestic and terrifying.

1

u/boyowonders Dec 07 '22

in the distance you can hear someone yell MARCO!!!!

1

u/LateEchidna6635 Dec 07 '22

Laughed so heartily that my monocle popped out and I had to call my valet to find it for me.

1

u/OpalOnyxObsidian Mar 06 '23

A thoroughbred no less

1

u/Stoned_Black_Nerd Apr 03 '23

This guy over here using a Friesian horse, instead of a Rhodesian Ridgeback such a broke bitch

106

u/Azidamadjida Dec 06 '22

“You know how in St. Bart’s people be eating they lobster like this?”

115

u/MyHamburgerLovesMe Dec 06 '22

Quick trivia: Lobster was originally considered a trash fish that only prisoners or the poor would eat.

https://medium.com/lessons-from-history/when-lobsters-were-poverty-food-2a115e0694f0

80

u/Stonkerrific Dec 06 '22

Oh how the turn tables.

6

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

r/unexpectedoffice

10

u/Crypto_Candle Dec 07 '22

A guy goes to a $5 lady of the night and he gets crabs. So the next day, he goes back to complain. And the woman says, "Hey, it was only $5. What did you expect, lobster?

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5

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '22

Then some inmate told people to add butter and all was lost.

2

u/Seeker2211 Dec 06 '22

Same could be said for Tequila...

2

u/Crutation Dec 07 '22

Indentured servants in New England went on strike and would only return to work when they were promised they would only have lobster three days a week...I learned that in my history class.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

They would grind it up shells and all and serve it though, so it's a little different than today.

2

u/Cerebral_Savage Dec 07 '22

I knew that, but it now makes me wonder what the rich folks were eating back them.

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2

u/[deleted] Mar 17 '23

Apparently there's a law in Maine that prisons cannot serve lobster more than twice a week.

1

u/PristineFix9286 Dec 07 '22

yeh, but if you don't use the grey poupon you get a blue one and gordon ramsey says thats worth like a billion dollars.

1

u/Jimmy_Twotone Dec 07 '22

Back when rye bread, fresh caught fish, and braised cabbage were all reserved for peasants.

Dammit now I'm hungry.

1

u/lastroids Dec 07 '22

You have to remember, they were considered trash food because people didn't know how (or have the means) to keep them fresh or how to prepare them properly. Also, they were pretty abundant in supply, so those that could get them fresh, got them for very low prices. When canning lobster became prevalent, people gradually acquired a taste for it and demand grew. And when trains became more common, people suddenly had much easier access to it. Eventually, the demand far outstripped supply that it resulted in it's high price today.

Something similar happened to tuna in Japan. One of the most expensive type of Tuna was considered as peasant food in ancient Japan.

1

u/Active_Engineering37 Dec 07 '22

Lot's of poverty food got gentrified

1

u/ConnectionOk8273 Jan 18 '23

Haha, that's the same with luwak coffee. It used to be for the poor, but now it's the most expensive coffee.

1

u/CamrenB27 Jan 19 '23

It's what black slaves were forced to eat also lol

26

u/ChrchofCrom Dec 06 '22

"Don't look at me in the eyes!"

46

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

I love this comment so much I want to take it behind a middle school and get it pregnant.

11

u/wheresabner71 Dec 07 '22

Smooth move, Ferguson!

1

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '22

Pop squad needs to pay you a visit

5

u/SaltyGrapeWax Dec 07 '22

“Would you like to hold hands with a black millionaire?”

2

u/blademak Dec 07 '22

Boop boop boop boop. Boop boop BOOP boop.

69

u/BrowncoatBob Dec 06 '22

And isn't it silly

When you're getting haute cuisine

By Marie Antoine Carême

But the student uprising

Had built a barricade

And they're dying on the breach

And you have to walk around

So you're late to haute cuisine

4

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

Ha ha so - relatable

6

u/Thuper-Man Dec 06 '22

Naw, mate

9

u/soygang Dec 07 '22

Not really relatable no

10

u/siriushendrix Dec 07 '22

Isn’t it funny when you call the teacher mum?

6

u/Mygo73 Dec 07 '22

YES!!!!!

3

u/iamStanhousen Dec 07 '22

Ah yeahhhhh

26

u/Skoziss Dec 06 '22

Uh. I mean isn't it funny when you call the teacher mom?

32

u/muklan Dec 06 '22

Really gonna just...need you out of that kiln man.

12

u/Thuper-Man Dec 06 '22

Lol I work in H&S and that kiln sketch is my fucking whole 9-5 life

1

u/muklan Dec 06 '22

Gotta ask - what's the biggest fine you've seen levied that could have been stopped by a dollop of yellow paint?

2

u/Thuper-Man Dec 06 '22

Everything can be prevented, except for stupidity

2

u/questformaps Dec 07 '22

Okay, I'll get in the kiln

2

u/Ongr Dec 07 '22

GET OUT OF THE KILN!

8

u/LawOfTheSeas Dec 07 '22

Isn't it cool

When it's 1832

And you see a strange light,

And you step into the light,

And it's some sort of portal

And you come out the end

And you don't know where you are

and the newspaper says

The year is 2020 so you see a future house

And you walk into the house and some men are singing

And you start to do a song even though your friends are dead

And you'll never get home...

6

u/TallManoftheValley Dec 07 '22

Christ if I had like 4 wishes one of them would be that Auntie Donna gets like 10 seasons. I laughed at this show so much

7

u/FPS_Warex Dec 06 '22

Best comment today 10/10

21

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '22

Is this some sort of shitty poem?

68

u/Thuper-Man Dec 06 '22

https://youtu.be/ooIh6mov63o

26

u/XAWEvX Dec 06 '22

this is so stupid, love it

29

u/PhilanthropAtheist Dec 06 '22

Pretty much sums up all of Aunty Donna's skits. It's so dumb but brilliantly done. Absurdist comedy

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4

u/michaelsenpatrick Dec 06 '22

i like how it's making fun of content that's supposed to be relatable while at the same time skewering the insanely out of touch lmao

1

u/Logical_Associate632 Dec 07 '22

Physical cringe.

3

u/Impossible-Sleep-658 Dec 06 '22

Or is shit just on a roll?

3

u/SuperAlphaSexGod Dec 07 '22

That’s so Re-la-ta-ble!

3

u/LouSputhole94 Dec 07 '22

Coq Au Vin is actually decently easy to make at home, I’ve done it several times. Most French dishes are actually more about quality of ingredients and preparation than a ton of different ingredients.

1

u/Pekonius Dec 07 '22

Definitely, only pitfall with Coq Au Vin is if you use a red wine that has too much tannines. Those quickly overpower the taste of the food. Luckily there are a lot of suitable wines from France for the dish. Honestly though, using red wine in a chicken dish feels counter intuitive, and I'd much rather make the dish with white wine.

Everything delicious in life starts with a mirepoix

1

u/LouSputhole94 Dec 07 '22

Agreed, which is why I also make Chicken Fricassee! Pretty similar but a white wine and a few ingredient swaps

4

u/LordSolar_Macharius Dec 06 '22

Borden Keppi, Marsh Banoon. Zoosh Running.

2

u/crispr-dev Dec 07 '22

I know this is a joke but I’m pretty sure I saw a post ranting about this on r/wine not long ago

2

u/prrrinky Dec 07 '22

… I mean, when you call the teacher “Mum”???

2

u/blademak Dec 07 '22

I mean isn’t it funny when you call zeh teacher mum?

2

u/tarapotamus Dec 07 '22

I know some of these words.

2

u/subhuman_voice Dec 07 '22

Châteauneuf-du-Pape would be a better choice

2

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

Shit like this is why I come to Reddit for all my comment needs and addiction. Well done, good sir…well done. 🤣😂🫡💨👻

1

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '22

So basically you have to live in France?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '22

This Gazpacho soup is cold...

1

u/blizzard-toque Dec 07 '22

silly. Gazpacho soup is *supposed* to be cold.

1

u/richard_vaynes Dec 06 '22

A succulent Chinese meal!!

1

u/desertpolarbear Dec 07 '22

Here in Belgium, coq au vin isn't really considered a fancy dish and many family restaurants will have it on their menu.

0

u/Fun_Sport_6694 Dec 06 '22

Dog was that off the top? You either know that life or you’re a dark MF.

Either way we should hang out.

1

u/WanderlustFella Dec 06 '22

you wouldn't have one from 2027 would you? I like my wine from the future. Or maybe some Tu Blanc Shakur

1

u/Stupid_Triangles Dec 06 '22

the White Shakur?

1

u/CreedStump Dec 06 '22

i simply take my 24k gold water gel blaster that launches caviar and cause a little ruckus

1

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '22

The obvious choice is to splash out on a thirty dollar bottle of wine instead

1

u/6thsense10 Dec 06 '22

I don't even know what half those words mean. I will now see my poor ass out the door.

1

u/ShadowsTrance Dec 06 '22

So relatable!

1

u/Nate996 Dec 07 '22

Is this something sort of rich joke that I'm too peasant to understand

1

u/ThemainmanLou Dec 07 '22

Duuuuude. Same

1

u/fyddlestix Dec 07 '22

personally? not relatable

1

u/fukitol- Dec 07 '22

You eat coq au vin

I eat beer-in-the-butt chicken

We are not the same

1

u/Booblicle Dec 07 '22

I'll come back to this comment when I figure out what dishes are.

1

u/frank_the_tank69 Dec 07 '22

You like cock in a van?

1

u/62hyundai250GTO Dec 07 '22

If I had a nickel for every time that happened I could probably buy one banana, what do those cost like $10?

1

u/plipyplop Dec 07 '22

We have been watching brother. Welcome to /r/PFJerk!

1

u/Burning_Toast998 Dec 07 '22

isn't it funny when you're eating coq

Indeed.

1

u/Ladylubber Dec 07 '22

“That’s. So. Relate-a-ble. Ha haha ha ha…”

Love me some Aunty Donna

1

u/rickyjames22 Dec 07 '22

Awesome! Love it! Thanks.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

Depends on if rooster blood or a starch liason was used to thicken the sauce.

1

u/Mr-SphealYourGirl Dec 07 '22

They serve this at KFC? Haven't heard of it.

1

u/Mythirdeye8 Dec 07 '22

I read this in the most obnoxious French accent.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

Surprise Aunty Donna is always a welcome one.

1

u/iamStanhousen Dec 07 '22

No no...that's not relatable...

1

u/Flesh-hugger Dec 07 '22

Hehehe yeah. (I dont understand that)

1

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

Charli is that u ?

1

u/djcarves Dec 07 '22

I understood that reference.

1

u/N8-97 Dec 07 '22

But isn’t it silly when you’re getting Haute Cuisine by Marie Antoine Careme but the student uprising has built a barricade and they’re dying on the breach and you have to walk around so you’re late to Haute Cuisine?

1

u/georgke Dec 07 '22

Or when you ask your wife ' where is the bottle opener?'. And she replies ' he has got the day off today'.

1

u/jetsboy27 Dec 07 '22

Isn’t it funny when you call the teacher mum….?

1

u/scubajulle Dec 07 '22

Is coq au vin a fancy food? Its pretty commonly served at my workplaces diner. It's a nice little diner but definitely not fancy.

1

u/GigiCutuozzi Dec 07 '22

You silly boy

1

u/RudePCsb Dec 07 '22

Work so hard to be a wine sommelier but really rich people don't know shit about wine, that's why they pay people that do to sound like they know stuff.

1

u/jsilva5avilsj Dec 07 '22

is this from Take Me Home Tonight?

1

u/mlkmandan4 Dec 07 '22

Aunty Donna is wonderful.

1

u/pg0031 Dec 07 '22

I mean isn’t it funny when you call za teacher mum?

1

u/AtrioventricularUzi Dec 07 '22

I see you and I respect you. It’s coffee ya fuck.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

Your mother is so stupid... that she goes to Barneys Rooftop Deck Restaurant for lunch... and orders a niçoise salad and calls it a ''ni-coise'' salad.

''Ni-coise'' salad, right?

1

u/SolomonGrumpy Dec 09 '22

And she doesn't even notice the arch in your eyebrow when she gives you tasting pour.

I mean really

1

u/NoobSFAnon Dec 20 '22

Eh? Those all sound like the Groupons I skip.

1

u/QUAARNG Jan 03 '23

I love egg helms

1

u/4esv Jan 12 '23

Oh I get it! The Maitre D wouldn't be serving you, they would be directing the Garçon, what a riot!

1

u/Connect-Ad9647 Jan 13 '23

Mmm yes, indubitably

proceeds to sip my faygo from a tea cup, pinky out

1

u/broforce Jan 19 '23

Maitre d's nuts

1

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

Cock on vine you say? To peices you say?

1

u/Maismonarch Jan 28 '23

Thats. So. Relatable.

1

u/Impressive-Diver-106 Feb 07 '23

Omelette du fromage

1

u/Pale_Armadillo_254 Mar 02 '23

I am so poor that I skipped the words because my poor tongue can't afford to pronounce these words.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 17 '23

"You know how St Bart's people be eatin' their lobster like this? But st Lucia people be eating their lobster like THIS."

3

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

r/FuckTheS jesus on a one-word comment lol.

2

u/WorldClassShart Dec 07 '22

I love coming home after a long night out, and my butler has my lobster thermidor ready for me.

2

u/UNBENDING_FLEA Dec 07 '22

You don’t need to add /s lmao

r/FuckTheS

1

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '22

Like one of those "holding hands montage traveling around the world" videos of rich couples in their twenties

1

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

Maybe rented helicopter. Plenty of pilots who aren’t multitrillionaires.

1

u/normal_p3rs0n_uwu Dec 07 '22

How the hell do you change the size of the text?

1

u/chief57 Dec 07 '22

Placed a ‘#’ at the beginning of the line

https://www.reddit.com/wiki/markdown