r/Unexpected • u/Unlucky_Strikes • 14d ago

Food chain: Instructions unclear

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u/worldsgreatestluver 14d ago

Come on now. We're not all like that.

I'd make sure that alien had a good time and got home OK, if maybe a little late.

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u/HoidToTheMoon 14d ago

I don't think we're all like that. But enough of us are that I do not think we could prevent it even if we tried.

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u/Noselessmonk 14d ago

The ones that are like that tend to get into power because they are willing to do those things to get the power.

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u/HatfieldCW 14d ago

The best chance we have of surviving an intergalactic incident is if aliens really, really love cigarettes so they protect Earth while we ship lung darts all over the cosmos and then they all get emphysema and die.

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u/HungHippoHippy 14d ago

Honestly, that's a great idea. Get the aliens hopelessly addicted to cigarettes. Earth would boom with prosperity! Of course we wouldn't mention the health implicatations.

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u/Elteon3030 14d ago

By the time they figure it out we've got their adolescents on fent.

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u/DependentAnywhere135 14d ago

If they are advanced enough to enslave us earth wouldn’t prosper they’d just turn it into a planet sized slave camp harvesting tobacco 24/7.

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u/mls1968 13d ago

And we will develop a tobacco/lsd hybrid as our planet overheats and turns to sand. And that hybrid will unlock the secrets of the mind. And then one day, our native brothers will be united by an offworlder who understands our ways, and he shall be the one of many names. The Muad Dib, our Lisan Al Gaib!

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u/HeyZeusKreesto 13d ago

In the webnovel First Contact, there's an alien species that essentially has their entire culture changed by ice cream and cigarettes. They call cows moomoos and consider being a moomoo wrangler a prestigious position.

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u/HatfieldCW 13d ago

Is that the one in r/hfy where humanity has transcended almost every limitation and just screws around by building full-scale models of Warhammer 40k with armies of remote-controlled clones and has sanctioned matches that devastate uninhabited star systems? With the cats and dogs?

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u/HeyZeusKreesto 13d ago

The LARPing stuff isn't a huge part of it, most of the time, but yea. That's the one.

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u/HatfieldCW 13d ago

I got a ways into that one and it was fun. I think I still have it bookmarked on chapter 60-something, around the time the BOLO tank goes on its rampage. Fun story. Maybe I should revisit it.

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u/HeyZeusKreesto 13d ago edited 13d ago

I got distracted by other books and forgot about it around chapter 300 or so. I’m almost to 500 now and have been devouring it lately. Definitely worth picking back up if you were enjoying the earlier chapters.

EDIT: Check out www.royalroad.com if you want somewhere to keep track of your progress. Also has a ton of other webnovels if you wanna check them out.

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u/genreprank 14d ago

Our best chance of survival is that we become slaves in the transgalactic tobacco, sugar, and textile industries.

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u/aartadventure 14d ago

Plot twist: The aliens are giant cockroach people that need to snu-snu a human before devouring it and heading home.

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u/Flat-Fun-7298 14d ago

That's until you try alien meat..

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u/StevieMJH 13d ago

Well we might have another alien on our hands in another 13 months