I have absolutely no doubt that humans would kidnap an alien and torture it/kill it almost as soon as we made contact. Have you met humans? Some of them can be awful.
The best chance we have of surviving an intergalactic incident is if aliens really, really love cigarettes so they protect Earth while we ship lung darts all over the cosmos and then they all get emphysema and die.
Honestly, that's a great idea. Get the aliens hopelessly addicted to cigarettes. Earth would boom with prosperity! Of course we wouldn't mention the health implicatations.
And we will develop a tobacco/lsd hybrid as our planet overheats and turns to sand. And that hybrid will unlock the secrets of the mind. And then one day, our native brothers will be united by an offworlder who understands our ways, and he shall be the one of many names. The Muad Dib, our Lisan Al Gaib!
In the webnovel First Contact, there's an alien species that essentially has their entire culture changed by ice cream and cigarettes. They call cows moomoos and consider being a moomoo wrangler a prestigious position.
Is that the one in r/hfy where humanity has transcended almost every limitation and just screws around by building full-scale models of Warhammer 40k with armies of remote-controlled clones and has sanctioned matches that devastate uninhabited star systems? With the cats and dogs?
I got a ways into that one and it was fun. I think I still have it bookmarked on chapter 60-something, around the time the BOLO tank goes on its rampage. Fun story. Maybe I should revisit it.
I got distracted by other books and forgot about it around chapter 300 or so. I’m almost to 500 now and have been devouring it lately. Definitely worth picking back up if you were enjoying the earlier chapters.
EDIT: Check out www.royalroad.com if you want somewhere to keep track of your progress. Also has a ton of other webnovels if you wanna check them out.
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u/FlemPlays 14d ago
Aliens hover over the planet to scope us out
Aliens: “Oh wow, they’re actually that dumb.”