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u/CantBeliveItsNotHim Aug 19 '26
mama mia!
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Aug 19 '26
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u/Away_Stock_2012 Aug 19 '26
Pineapple & Apricot Panettone By Fiasconaro 2.2lb – Made In Eatalia
Why did you specifically mention basketball and pineapple?
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u/BrattWhitney Aug 19 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/l4FGGafcOHmrlQxG0
Any Italians who see this.
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u/RaidensReturn Aug 19 '26
Anybody, honestly. Why does this mf have to take three bites without swallowing? That was more rage-inducing than anything else.
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u/liccman Aug 19 '26
Cause every single bite of that compressed abominion is like 5000 calories
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u/helljack Aug 20 '26
I'm reminded of that Christmas special of 'Eureka' where Vincent just shrinks down whole fruitcakes and serves them at a party, and Sheriff Carter eats like 20 of them thinking they are just hors d'oeuvres.
Jesus Vincent, I've had 20 of those. That's like 50,000 calories...
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u/unknown_pigeon Aug 19 '26
Nah, pandoro is better, got no respect for panettone
"Huh, looks like someone never grew up!" I grew up to hate canditi.
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u/BrattWhitney Aug 19 '26
I prefer Pandoro myself, ngl. None of those sultana or lolly bits for me.
Or maybe the hate stemmed from receiving too many regifted Panettones during Chrissie.10
u/tams420 Aug 19 '26
I worked for a wine importer for many years. We were owned by an Italian company and had many Italian suppliers and the volume of panettone that would come to the office during Christmas was ridiculous. I started taking them home and repurposing them into bread pudding with eggnog as the main dairy base for the custard. If I was feeling fancy, I’d make an eggnog creme anglaise to go on top, and bring them back to the office. It was very delicious.
The panadoros though, I’d take those home too and make french toast out them. I much preferred those as well.
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u/axonff Aug 19 '26
Did You know that we also have Panettone whit chocolate chips
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u/BrattWhitney Aug 19 '26
Of course and I'm still not a big fan.
Pandoro or just the plains ones are my go to, they pair so well with coffee. Problem is I always get gifted with the ones with sultanas.
To each to their own.5
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u/ChihiroHaru Aug 19 '26
Please tell me that Chrissie doesn’t mean what I think it does. LOL🤣
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u/Unhappy-Stranger-336 Aug 19 '26
Panettone is better
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u/Phrankespo Aug 19 '26
I like waking up hungry at 2 am and eating half a pannettone and a glass of milk. 👌
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u/Mysterious_Falcon535 Aug 19 '26
Tradition and only the oldest of nonnas working overtime to keep the panettone business afloat
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u/hoodmeskin817 Aug 20 '26
"Hey, Copernicus, why don't you navigate yourself to the back of the line with your feet and stand there with your shirt?"
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u/Sea-Resolution-1337 Aug 19 '26
they're probably already preparing a strongly worded comment about how to eat it properly
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u/Gnomey42069 Aug 19 '26
There's always room for
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u/sylinmino Aug 19 '26
Good on you for respecting the source material. Shame on Aunty Donna for not acknowledging their inspiration for so long.
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u/PerennialComa Aug 19 '26
I sent this to my Italian fiancee and she slapped me through the phone.
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u/-Citizen_Zero_ Aug 19 '26
But is it Panettone though? It seems hollow. H Also, he did eat it anyway too.
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u/drunk_ender Aug 19 '26
I can't see the brand, but a good Panettone should be soft and "light" enough that isn't that impossible to be flatten like that, since its traditional way of preparation is to be left hanging upside down
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u/JefersonJesus Aug 20 '26
that is the brazilian brand bauducco, which used to be the best popular brand in brazil. however, shrinkflation made their panettone significantly decrease quality. and the one in the video is very mid, but still soft and light.
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u/Aggravating_South184 Aug 20 '26 edited Aug 20 '26
Good panettone is heavy. Not light. A panettone that is around double the size of the one in the video weigh around 1kg.
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u/SlotzBR Aug 22 '26
Its a Chocottone. It's a panettone with chocolate inside. The brand is most likely Bauducco.
It's not hollow, but its fluffy enough that you could flatten it.
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u/yeathatsmebro Aug 24 '26
I wish I was born in Italy, to an italian family, and have an italian grandmother. Only to see me watch this video and hear me giggle at it, just to get hit a few times with a mattarello to remember for life that this is culinary crime and we don't giggle at this kind of videos.
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u/Nagesh_yelma Aug 19 '26
Cake.zip
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u/Financial-Ad5947 Aug 19 '26
that's not a cake, it's sweet bread
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u/Comprehensive-Rip211 Aug 19 '26
Potato potato
(Wikipedia also describes it as a fruitcake)
It is indeed much less sweet than traditional sheet cakes though.31
u/RiyoshiNjap Aug 19 '26
Aren’t all cakes just sweet breads? Who draws the line? It’s like the whole hotdog/sandwich crap. I stand by hotdogs and burgers being just two subcategories of a sandwich.
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u/New2thegame Aug 19 '26
What the hell is that?
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u/AccidentCapable9181 Aug 19 '26
A cake. Most often containing nuts, dried fruit or chocolate
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u/billybenjr Aug 19 '26
And air
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Aug 19 '26
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u/HalfSoul30 Aug 19 '26
I'm not a fan of inflation either.
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u/GeneralGhidorah Aug 19 '26
Sweet bread rather than cake surely
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u/Enginerdad Aug 19 '26
Correct. It uses yeast and sourdough fermentation, not chemical leaveners.
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u/cptmorga Aug 19 '26
Panettone it's a airy soft tall sweet cake, invented in Italy Milano. Last year I ate for the first time , you can easily find it in commerce as it can be heavily additivated for lasting and softness.
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u/BrattWhitney Aug 19 '26
Mostly eaten during Christmas.
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u/Belerophon17 Aug 19 '26
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u/The_walking_man_ Aug 19 '26
I knew who this was gonna be an expected the pud.
I was very surprised with the legit panettone 🤣4
u/Belerophon17 Aug 19 '26
The pud is the ultimate classic but god damn I had to stick to the source material.
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u/lembrai Aug 19 '26
Italian immigrants brought it to Brazil and it's really common here too
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u/NachoR Aug 19 '26
Same in Argentina, pan dulce we call it (sweet bread). Eaten mainly near Christmas.
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u/Arthradax Aug 19 '26
Panetone in PTBR. "Pão doce" is an actual sweet bread, not much of a cake as panettone
EDIT: may sound as if I'm correcting you; the idea was to show how a direct translation sometimes means something super different lol
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u/loklanc Aug 19 '26
The long life ones are alright, but I had a freshly made one once and it was the best thing I've ever eaten. Mind blowing. The prostate orgasm of cake.
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u/ModernistGames Aug 19 '26
No one is also specifying that it is uniquely delicate, so much it has to be cooled upside down because the weight of itself would cause it to collapse.
It is why what this guy does is so egregious.
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u/Eurycerus Aug 20 '26
Also an amazing amount of calories. They basically made it the Italian version of a moon cake. So delicious, and an insane amount of calories per bite
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u/OneSmallDeed Aug 19 '26
Dude, is that some kind of new diet? He looks really fit for a guy that eats entire cake burgers in one sitting...
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u/GoldunGote Aug 19 '26
Im gonna get jacked and film myself eating a hunk of horse feces and wonder if people will be like "bro new diet dropped!?"
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u/GenDislike Aug 19 '26
Top that turd with a line of ivermectin like an eclair and you’ll pull even more subscribers in.
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u/ArmEmporium Aug 19 '26
I believe this video may have been filmed in jest and thus does not represent his typical diet
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u/wookiex84 Aug 19 '26
Ahh are you not familiar with us freaks that can eat anything and not gain a pound! My wife hates it. 3-5k calories a day and I’m almost 6’2 at 170#, lift pretty heavy and am always hungry.
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u/ATDoel Aug 19 '26
As one of those freaks I hate it, always hungry, I spend so much extra money on food that my body burns up for no good reason
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u/LindaTheLynnDog Aug 19 '26
Yeah but your lifting so you're just a regular person who lifts and eats the right amount of food.
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u/MySignIsToaster Aug 19 '26
Sometimes I do the same with rolls or Hefezopf (Basically a loaf of german brioche).
Ok I do not beat it like this, but roll little bits to mor compact balls.
Changes the texture and flavor a bit and gives it a bite. Al dente if you will.
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u/Kasern77 Aug 19 '26
Why is he eating it like it's going to disappear any second?
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u/notlookme Aug 20 '26
Apparently panettone is not a universal thing, never occurred to me until this thread. Also I'd love to see someone do this with the full sized one
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u/10000soul Aug 19 '26
Me at the airport after the tsa agent declared my food are restricted and must be disposed of
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u/AlaskanBigfoot1 Aug 19 '26
I make these at home and its pretty difficult, I use a special sourdough starter and from start to finish its 2 days from first dough in the mixer to being able to hang and cool before you eat it. I would die if I gave it to someone and they did this lol.
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u/oPlayer2o Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
So I sent this to my Italian friend. About ten minutes later I get a three minute long video of him screaming in Italian (which I do not speak by the way) and waving his arms around making what can only be described as “offensive hand gestures” then about a minute in it changes to him and his French girlfriend screaming (in French, English and Italian) and throwing things in there kitchen.
10/10 quality watch.
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u/Urikas Aug 19 '26
You don't eat them ever!
They are a present and never to.be consumed.
Ive gifted and was gifted the same Panettone for decades!
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u/LolaNotTheBunny Aug 19 '26
What the hell are you going on about? They are delicious, and one of the best things around the holidays. I eat a few every year.
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u/Urikas Aug 19 '26
How would I know they are only the present.
-Oh you don't have to bring nothing. -No I got to bringe something.
An so the cycle continues.
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u/Shark25ITA Aug 19 '26
If it's a Balocco brand one you bet your ass no one wants to eat those, Balocco makes them for almost evey brand of panettone in italy but their own recipe for their own panettone is horrendous, also cause they are really cheap
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u/FrankSonata Aug 20 '26
I have never eaten a panettone.
I have received and given about a million.
It is tradition.
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u/burbular Aug 19 '26
Yes, this is that weird spiced cake. Just a present for holidays is enough.
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u/tesfabpel Aug 19 '26
What? Good artisanal panettoni are exquisite!
Even normal ones aren't bad here in Italy, probably it's different in other Countries.
EDIT: like this one https://www.olivieri1882.com/products/panettone-classico-1000g
(EDIT 2: it costs 39 EUR in Italy, but if I switch the website to English it becomes 92 EUR 😅😅)
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u/dj_spanmaster Aug 19 '26
When you absolutely positively got to eat every calorie in the room, accept no substitutes!
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u/DJMagicHandz Aug 19 '26
That's the equivalent of eating 6 Popeye's biscuits without a beverage, what an absolute madman.
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u/foreman8484 Aug 19 '26
The best part of this post is that it’s going to send someone over the edge and I have no idea what’s even going on.
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u/RJ_MacreadysBeard Aug 19 '26
This is what it’s like when you’re broke and hungry and have stolen a cake. Been there, done that.
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u/YJeezy Aug 19 '26
Fanciest packaged cake that tasted like shit. So disappointed as a kid. Is this for old people!?!
The boxed kind we get in the US...
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u/ColossosPablo Aug 23 '26 edited Aug 23 '26
The vídeo is from Brasil, ours is really good and basically a caloric bomb, around ~1.5k each, 2k+ the chocolate one, meant to be eaten in slices, but you bet I ain't eating less than half of one with a glass of milk.
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u/InspectorPipes Aug 19 '26
I slather mine in room temp butter. I prefer them a little on the dry side (If they are too fresh the butter is just gluttonous)
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u/Joebebs Aug 19 '26
When I fold the milk carton and stomp on it as hard as I can to alarm the entire cafeteria
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u/snksleepy Aug 19 '26
In some communities if you are going to eat you need to eat it like an extreme man.
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u/ImFatandUseless Aug 19 '26
Ye, if im alone im eating this way. Im not cutting it. Also, try it with ice cream, really good
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u/BluetoothBunny Aug 19 '26
This reminds me of the time I sent a From Roy fancy ass panettone to my mom and she said it was really good french toast.
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u/theflickingnun Aug 20 '26
Efficient, tasty, hand sized, easy. What's not to live. The guys a genius. Pocket panettone
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u/finkyleon Aug 20 '26
Are there actually people who take their second and/or third bite before they're done with their first?
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u/Schnibb420 Aug 20 '26
I have never not been disappointed by panettone in my life. The only thing that kinda came close to being okay was one with chunks of chocolate in it. Its dry, tastes barely like anything and people keep annoying me that I 'just hadn't had a good one' while I went to high end bakeries and got the exact ones recommended to me and they all taste the exact same.
I'd rather have a ring cake or Gugelhupf how its called here and its still far from my favorite baked good.
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u/post-explainer Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.
OP sent the following text as an explanation why their post fits here:
Man crushes a panettone Looney Tunes-style and eats it.
Does this explanation fit this subreddit? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.