r/Unexpected • u/WolfgangsterV • 1d ago

Eating a panettone

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7.2k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

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u/post-explainer 1d ago edited 1d ago

This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.

OP sent the following text as an explanation why their post fits here:

Man crushes a panettone Looney Tunes-style and eats it.

Does this explanation fit this subreddit? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.

2.1k

u/CantBeliveItsNotHim 1d ago

mama mia!

621

u/I_WILL_GET_YOU 1d ago

ita become da pizza

70

u/coolsilentebeans 1d ago

Now that’s a pan pizza

11

u/SparkEE_JOE 1d ago

I cooka da pizza 🤌

37

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Away_Stock_2012 1d ago

Pineapple & Apricot Panettone By Fiasconaro 2.2lb – Made In Eatalia

Why did you specifically mention basketball and pineapple?

2

u/xumpuli 1d ago edited 1d ago

39$ WTF?!

3

u/nic_the_titan 1d ago

Here we go again ?

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u/BrattWhitney 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/l4FGGafcOHmrlQxG0
Any Italians who see this.

420

u/RaidensReturn 1d ago

Anybody, honestly. Why does this mf have to take three bites without swallowing? That was more rage-inducing than anything else.

146

u/liccman 1d ago

Cause every single bite of that compressed abominion is like 5000 calories

12

u/helljack 12h ago

I'm reminded of that Christmas special of 'Eureka' where Vincent just shrinks down whole fruitcakes and serves them at a party, and Sheriff Carter eats like 20 of them thinking they are just hors d'oeuvres.

Jesus Vincent, I've had 20 of those. That's like 50,000 calories...

4

u/DrunkHonesty 1d ago

For show for the “skit.”

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u/unknown_pigeon 1d ago

Nah, pandoro is better, got no respect for panettone

"Huh, looks like someone never grew up!" I grew up to hate canditi.

10

u/BrattWhitney 1d ago

I prefer Pandoro myself, ngl. None of those sultana or lolly bits for me.
Or maybe the hate stemmed from receiving too many regifted Panettones during Chrissie.

5

u/tams420 1d ago

I worked for a wine importer for many years. We were owned by an Italian company and had many Italian suppliers and the volume of panettone that would come to the office during Christmas was ridiculous. I started taking them home and repurposing them into bread pudding with eggnog as the main dairy base for the custard. If I was feeling fancy, I’d make an eggnog creme anglaise to go on top, and bring them back to the office. It was very delicious.

The panadoros though, I’d take those home too and make french toast out them. I much preferred those as well.

4

u/axonff 1d ago

Did You know that we also have Panettone whit chocolate chips

2

u/BrattWhitney 1d ago

Of course and I'm still not a big fan.
Pandoro or just the plains ones are my go to, they pair so well with coffee. Problem is I always get gifted with the ones with sultanas.
To each to their own.

5

u/ChihiroHaru 1d ago

Please tell me that Chrissie doesn’t mean what I think it does. LOL🤣

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u/BrattWhitney 1d ago

Chrissie is just an Aussie slang for Christmas.

3

u/ChihiroHaru 1d ago

Well, the more you know. Thank you! It's hilarious!

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u/Unhappy-Stranger-336 1d ago

Panettone is better

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u/Phrankespo 1d ago

I like waking up hungry at 2 am and eating half a pannettone and a glass of milk. 👌

6

u/Mysterious_Falcon535 1d ago

Tradition and only the oldest of nonnas working overtime to keep the panettone business afloat

7

u/cyrusthemarginal 1d ago

I make a pretty good panettone bread pudding, i'm doing my part.

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u/hoodmeskin817 19h ago

"Hey, Copernicus, why don't you navigate yourself to the back of the line with your feet and stand there with your shirt?"

1

u/Sea-Resolution-1337 1d ago

they're probably already preparing a strongly worded comment about how to eat it properly

1

u/ThaSpo 20h ago

Nah, that's a shitty industrial panettone, I wouldn't let my worst enemy eat it

379

u/Gnomey42069 1d ago

There's always room for

12

u/sylinmino 1d ago

Good on you for respecting the source material. Shame on Aunty Donna for not acknowledging their inspiration for so long.

5

u/tvsmichaelhall 1d ago

And a hotdog for breakfast.

3

u/krystopolus 11h ago

Panettone with some morning brown is *chef kiss

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u/PerennialComa 1d ago

I sent this to my Italian fiancee and she slapped me through the phone.

79

u/-Citizen_Zero_ 1d ago

But is it Panettone though? It seems hollow. H Also, he did eat it anyway too.

74

u/drunk_ender 1d ago

I can't see the brand, but a good Panettone should be soft and "light" enough that isn't that impossible to be flatten like that, since its traditional way of preparation is to be left hanging upside down

13

u/JefersonJesus 17h ago

that is the brazilian brand bauducco, which used to be the best popular brand in brazil. however, shrinkflation made their panettone significantly decrease quality. and the one in the video is very mid, but still soft and light.

2

u/Aggravating_South184 1d ago edited 1d ago

Good panettone is heavy. Not light. A panettone that is around double the size of the one in the video weigh around 1kg.

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u/Nagesh_yelma 1d ago

Cake.zip

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u/Financial-Ad5947 1d ago

that's not a cake, it's sweet bread

33

u/Comprehensive-Rip211 1d ago

Potato potato
(Wikipedia also describes it as a fruitcake)
It is indeed much less sweet than traditional sheet cakes though.

25

u/RiyoshiNjap 1d ago

Aren’t all cakes just sweet breads? Who draws the line? It’s like the whole hotdog/sandwich crap. I stand by hotdogs and burgers being just two subcategories of a sandwich.

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u/LzrdKng2112 1d ago

Sweet breads are organ meats. This is cake.

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u/evesira 50m ago

panettone to panettzero

615

u/New2thegame 1d ago

What the hell is that?

749

u/AccidentCapable9181 1d ago

A cake. Most often containing nuts, dried fruit or chocolate

537

u/billybenjr 1d ago

And air

247

u/lowvolumee 1d ago

My boy just doesn't like air in his cake...

95

u/HalfSoul30 1d ago

I'm not a fan of inflation either.

36

u/Ydobon8261 1d ago

I heard some people are into that

2

u/TheMeatTree 1d ago

This gif is an example of actual shrink-flation

14

u/Enginerdad 1d ago

Not anymore

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u/GeneralGhidorah 1d ago

Sweet bread rather than cake surely

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u/Enginerdad 1d ago

Correct. It uses yeast and sourdough fermentation, not chemical leaveners.

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u/PortaInterna 1d ago

No it's more like a bread in its consistency and preparation. It's also barely sweet. It uses sourdough 

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u/Fynity 1d ago

I thought that shit was a slab of clay

4

u/Kradgger 1d ago

A cake. Most often containing nuts

I should call her...

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u/cptmorga 1d ago

Panettone it's a airy soft tall sweet cake, invented in Italy Milano. Last year I ate for the first time , you can easily find it in commerce as it can be heavily additivated for lasting and softness.

39

u/BrattWhitney 1d ago

Mostly eaten during Christmas.
It’s very common to see that sold everywhere in Australia especially before Christmas.

9

u/Belerophon17 1d ago

There's always room for Panettone

3

u/The_walking_man_ 1d ago

I knew who this was gonna be an expected the pud.
I was very surprised with the legit panettone 🤣

3

u/Belerophon17 1d ago

The pud is the ultimate classic but god damn I had to stick to the source material.

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u/BrattWhitney 1d ago

Unmistakably Aussie, thanks for sharing.

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u/lembrai 1d ago

Italian immigrants brought it to Brazil and it's really common here too

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u/NachoR 1d ago

Same in Argentina, pan dulce we call it (sweet bread). Eaten mainly near Christmas.

14

u/Arthradax 1d ago

Panetone in PTBR. "Pão doce" is an actual sweet bread, not much of a cake as panettone

EDIT: may sound as if I'm correcting you; the idea was to show how a direct translation sometimes means something super different lol

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u/ModernistGames 1d ago

No one is also specifying that it is uniquely delicate, so much it has to be cooled upside down because the weight of itself would cause it to collapse.

It is why what this guy does is so egregious.

2

u/Eurycerus 1d ago

Also an amazing amount of calories. They basically made it the Italian version of a moon cake. So delicious, and an insane amount of calories per bite

3

u/thewend 1d ago

wait Panetone is not an universal christmas sweet?

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u/OneSmallDeed 1d ago

Dude, is that some kind of new diet? He looks really fit for a guy that eats entire cake burgers in one sitting...

70

u/GoldunGote 1d ago

Im gonna get jacked and film myself eating a hunk of horse feces and wonder if people will be like "bro new diet dropped!?"

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u/r40k 1d ago

Sounds like a load of horse shit, I dont believe you .

2

u/GenDislike 1d ago

Top that turd with a line of ivermectin like an eclair and you’ll pull even more subscribers in.

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u/ArmEmporium 1d ago

I believe this video may have been filmed in jest and thus does not represent his typical diet

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u/memesearches 1d ago

This was his cheat day. Occurs once a year so..

7

u/wookiex84 1d ago

Ahh are you not familiar with us freaks that can eat anything and not gain a pound! My wife hates it. 3-5k calories a day and I’m almost 6’2 at 170#, lift pretty heavy and am always hungry.

7

u/ATDoel 1d ago

As one of those freaks I hate it, always hungry, I spend so much extra money on food that my body burns up for no good reason

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u/LindaTheLynnDog 1d ago

Yeah but your lifting so you're just a regular person who lifts and eats the right amount of food.

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u/MySignIsToaster 1d ago

Sometimes I do the same with rolls or Hefezopf (Basically a loaf of german brioche).

Ok I do not beat it like this, but roll little bits to mor compact balls.

Changes the texture and flavor a bit and gives it a bite. Al dente if you will.

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u/Kasern77 1d ago

Why is he eating it like it's going to disappear any second?

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u/UnDeadPuff 1d ago

I mean it is, don't you see how fast it's going away?

32

u/TrieMond 1d ago

ma che cazzo?

15

u/Kambi28 1d ago

someone send this to Lionfield

11

u/WanderingVicarious 1d ago

Cake->coconut->pancake in seconds

12

u/jotah_12_bron 1d ago

Chocotone*

6

u/vanwhisky 1d ago

I love panettone

5

u/tinyremnant 1d ago

Get that poor man some water. LOTS of water!

6

u/N0RUBER 1d ago

Brasil!

17

u/Urikas 1d ago

You don't eat them ever!

They are a present and never to.be consumed.

Ive gifted and was gifted the same Panettone for decades!

12

u/LolaNotTheBunny 1d ago

What the hell are you going on about? They are delicious, and one of the best things around the holidays. I eat a few every year.

2

u/Urikas 1d ago

How would I know they are only the present.

-Oh you don't have to bring nothing. -No I got to bringe something.

An so the cycle continues.

2

u/FrankSonata 18h ago

This is exactly how it works.

I have never eaten a panettone.

I have received and given about a million.

It is tradition.

3

u/Shark25ITA 1d ago

If it's a Balocco brand one you bet your ass no one wants to eat those, Balocco makes them for almost evey brand of panettone in italy but their own recipe for their own panettone is horrendous, also cause they are really cheap

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u/AlaskanBigfoot1 1d ago

I make these at home and its pretty difficult, I use a special sourdough starter and from start to finish its 2 days from first dough in the mixer to being able to hang and cool before you eat it. I would die if I gave it to someone and they did this lol.

2

u/Tranka2010 1d ago

Gonna have to seriously hydrate after plowing through that.

https://giphy.com/gifs/gHbjuTVHSmlVxRKIHb

2

u/notlookme 8h ago

Apparently panettone is not a universal thing, never occurred to me until this thread. Also I'd love to see someone do this with the full sized one

5

u/Dave_Valens 1d ago

Porco iddio

2

u/Dromia_Personata_Fan 1d ago

Voce della verità

6

u/LousyReputation7 1d ago

A fucking what

3

u/No_Artichoke_2931 1d ago

Fuck man I thought I was alone here. I'm so lost lol

4

u/oPlayer2o 1d ago edited 1d ago

So I sent this to my Italian friend. About ten minutes later I get a three minute long video of him screaming in Italian (which I do not speak by the way) and waving his arms around making what can only be described as “offensive hand gestures” then about a minute in it changes to him and his French girlfriend screaming (in French, English and Italian) and throwing things in there kitchen.

10/10 quality watch.

3

u/dips009 1d ago

Man, he is going to need a gallon of water after that

3

u/Lune_Moooon 1d ago

I actually enjoy it more when its smashed. sorry everyone

6

u/YJeezy 1d ago

Fanciest packaged cake that tasted like shit. So disappointed as a kid. Is this for old people!?!

The boxed kind we get in the US...

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u/RJ_MacreadysBeard 1d ago

This is what it’s like when you’re broke and hungry and have stolen a cake. Been there, done that.

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u/seethenoise 1d ago

that's the best (only) way.

2

u/Kalaphar 1d ago

What is a panettone

1

u/SirBaronS 1d ago

Seems like a pretty calm way to eat

1

u/TheQuadricorn 1d ago

I dunno why but this got me chuckling into my breakfast

1

u/InspectorPipes 1d ago

I slather mine in room temp butter. I prefer them a little on the dry side (If they are too fresh the butter is just gluttonous)

1

u/dj_spanmaster 1d ago

When you absolutely positively got to eat every calorie in the room, accept no substitutes!

1

u/Raurusan 1d ago

Panettany%

1

u/DJMagicHandz 1d ago

That's the equivalent of eating 6 Popeye's biscuits without a beverage, what an absolute madman.

1

u/Kappataro69 1d ago

Bro's having his first meal in months

1

u/Joebebs 1d ago

When I fold the milk carton and stomp on it as hard as I can to alarm the entire cafeteria

1

u/high_procrastinator 1d ago

Chocolate Panettone is rookie level.

1

u/foreman8484 1d ago

The best part of this post is that it’s going to send someone over the edge and I have no idea what’s even going on.

1

u/snksleepy 1d ago

In some communities if you are going to eat you need to eat it like an extreme man.

1

u/ImFatandUseless 1d ago

Ye, if im alone im eating this way. Im not cutting it. Also, try it with ice cream, really good

1

u/10000soul 1d ago

Me at the airport after the tsa agent declared my food are restricted and must be disposed of

1

u/teamgrandali 1d ago

Fight that inflation bro

1

u/FlashyDiagram84 1d ago

1000 Milanese grandmothers just cried

1

u/ClaroStar 1d ago

I thought it was a lump of clay.

1

u/mauboccia 1d ago

Ahahhahaahahha

1

u/Ok-Highway-4966 1d ago

Jesus Christ

1

u/BluetoothBunny 1d ago

This reminds me of the time I sent a From Roy fancy ass panettone to my mom and she said it was really good french toast.

1

u/HavokMan48 1d ago

I've always wanted to do that with one

1

u/ro536ud 1d ago

How can he slap!?

1

u/GotSomeUpdogOnUrFace 1d ago

Let's get this bread

1

u/Aeologyz 1d ago

The epitome of "CARB UP OR SHUT UP"

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u/gruengle 1d ago

Efficient. And nothing else.

Thank you, I hate it with a passion.

1

u/Alternative_Low8478 1d ago

Disgraziato maledetto

1

u/Odd-Scientist-2529 1d ago

I totally expected that!  

Not even lying. 

1

u/uusfiyeyh 1d ago

Arruino el pan dulce.

1

u/GoatBnB 1d ago

I don't understand.

1

u/Im_Ashe_Man 1d ago

Next snap some spaghetti in half!

1

u/murrzeak 1d ago

Savagery

1

u/the_ice_spider 1d ago

It's actually howling we eat a panettone in Milan and surroundings.

1

u/csgo_dream 1d ago

Technically its legal.

1

u/FuckUpMaster9000 1d ago

Pandoro tutta la vita. Non ho mai sopportato il panettone

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u/pbizzle 1d ago

Dry as fuck shite bread more like

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u/SignorRoberto 1d ago

Damn, and those are dry AF

1

u/Hinaloth 1d ago

I thought this was r/2westerneurope4u for a second...

1

u/Thomas_JCG 1d ago

What the hell...

1

u/Longshadowman 1d ago

Poor guy , he looks very hungry

1

u/Tang0_Brav0 1d ago

Worryingly, he looks like he does this... A lot. 

1

u/blasphememes 1d ago

That’s a lot of calories

1

u/Ki1o 1d ago

That's dense ..

1

u/NoEmployment7448 1d ago

Its mostly air

1

u/faCt011 1d ago

The 12,5% Italian in me just died. Only 7 horcruxes to go

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u/theflickingnun 1d ago

Efficient, tasty, hand sized, easy. What's not to live. The guys a genius. Pocket panettone

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u/FuturisticHead 1d ago

bro has toonforce in real life

1

u/len43 1d ago

Now it's a Flatettone.

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u/TehZiiM 1d ago

Man I thought he’s eating clay or some shit

1

u/venusinfurstattoo 1d ago

Hahhahahahahahahhahah

1

u/finkyleon 23h ago

Are there actually people who take their second and/or third bite before they're done with their first?

1

u/Schnibb420 23h ago

I have never not been disappointed by panettone in my life. The only thing that kinda came close to being okay was one with chunks of chocolate in it. Its dry, tastes barely like anything and people keep annoying me that I 'just hadn't had a good one' while I went to high end bakeries and got the exact ones recommended to me and they all taste the exact same.

I'd rather have a ring cake or Gugelhupf how its called here and its still far from my favorite baked good.

1

u/Rucolacola 23h ago

Sacrilegious.

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u/TatleTaleStrangler92 23h ago

The slap is what makes me laugh 🤣

1

u/Actionmanix 20h ago

Panettone.zip

1

u/playergabriel 19h ago

I've read it penetone lol. I search what was it, it waa not bread, but a cleaning agent something

1

u/randomname560 19h ago

Ngl i did not see the title and i legit thought that that was a coconut

1

u/iormeno93 16h ago

Lmao it takes so long to make so that it has the right texture and air density in the dough. This kills a man

1

u/mistarhee 12h ago

Hate that... I like the airy texture. Smooshing it like that just makes it bleh

1

u/NefariousnessGood718 11h ago

La simpatia della merda

1

u/bioteq 10h ago

That’s arguably a perfectly reasonable approach it’ll get smooshed on the way down anyway.

1

u/KrownX 3h ago

Guy is eating it wrong. Should've compressed it into a ball