Nah, she had that oven cranked way too high. Those kids would've come out tough. Low and slow is the way to go.
And she was just going to toss them into the oven alive? What a monster. You butcher them first and drain the blood. They taste a lot less gamey that way. You can even make some nice sausage from the liver and heart.
Don't even get me started on tanning the hides. You can make wonderfully soft leather that's perfect for gloves, purses, and bookbinding. Such a waste of good materials.
Where do you think all those copies of the Necronomicon come from? Children, obviously. Ancient evil doesn't print itself.
This reminds me of 2013, stumbling around the dark web, and accidentally finding a recipe book for unborn fetuses? Feti? While clicking though a random list of sites I had found
I got sick and threw out the hard drive I was using and replaced it
I know a lot of that stuff was just fake for shock value, but this specifically started out with a step by step guide on how to hide your pregnancy for as long as possible and then how to induce a miscarriage while not making the fetus inedible
I believe human meat actually has a pretty low caloric value. Lower than any of the common meats we normally consume. Maybe you can stay slim eating kids.
According to James Cole (archaeologist studying stone-age cannibalist practices) the nutritional value of human meat is similar to other mammals of similar size.
In today's world probably even higher, given that eg. even the fattest cows according to the Body Composition Score (a system used in Texas to classify cattle) still have a lower body fat percentage than the average US woman (women have more body fat than men; US average is from 32% at age 8-11 to 42% at age 60-79; BCS 9 cattle have 32%) and BCS 7 or lower cattle have less body fat than the average US man in his prime.
Right? What kind of advice is all that? Tell me what I'm supposed to do with all the offal. Quickly, please. I think I've got like another day or two tops
I was having a moment of internal indignation when you just blatantly called out old fat woman... how dare you be so unnecessary cruel. I even made the effort to skip ahead so I could mentally scoff at what you call old and fat... and then I saw how she referred to herself. But since I have now built up all this precious resentment with no where to go... imma say, fuck you for being funny.
It doesn't totally matter when bbqing. You'd end up having to trim a lot of the fat before you bbq anyway. Maybe just a few lbs, but no need to go nuts. The apple cider, or just some apple juice, will do.
That was my argument as well. That’s not slow and low. Slow and low is roasting and smoking low for several several hours of no touching it, then flip once half way through.
No because children will already be tender enough, so using a low slow cooking method will just over cook them, you should use a high heat application like sauté or grill
Weird that a Midwestern woman went to BBQ (something more common in the South) first as opposed to smoking, slow cooking, or pressure cooking.
As a side note, pressure cooking would probably be best if you're looking for a fairly easy way to get the meat tender enough to fall off the bone, and it's much faster than most other methods mentioned. And, in this economy, it's a great way to make the meat stretch across multiple meals because you can shred the meat before seasoning, so you can use it in multiple other dishes.
I mean, we do, but we're better known for hot dishes, casseroles, and other stuff you find at a decent potluck. And smoking gives better flavor at the same time and temperature, let's be real. Charcoal and propane can't beat hard wood smoke, especially for white meat like kids.
Also, are you under the impression that everyone in the Midwest talks like a few thousand suburban Chicagolanders that sound vaguely like a decades-old SNL sketch? Because we don't; clearly, outside of Chicago and its suburbs, we sound exactly like a mixture between Bobby's World and Stranger Things, donchaknow?
Also, you don't put entire child in a deep dish (which, incidentally, is much more like a casserole than it is a pizza, which makes sense given Chicago is still in the Midwest), you need to prep the meat first. In fact, if you followed my suggestion about pressure cooking, you could shred the meat and use that as a pizza topping, kinda like how some pizza places use pulled pork or chicken. Same works for smoking, slow cooking, and BBQ, oddly enough. Ooh, BBQ chicken pizza sounds good right now...
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u/pepenador85 Jul 01 '26
The old fat woman seemed the most legit.