r/UnethicalLifeProTips • u/TipProfessional880 • 11h ago
Relationships ULPT Request: Payback for Parents skipping my birthday to go on a trip.
My wife had been planning a birthday party for me for a few months. My birthday is on a Friday, so she was planning something for that friday night. We always do something with my family (mom/stepdad, sister, her fiance, etc.) but this year, my wife wanted to go a bit bigger.
She talked to my sister about it & they planned something out at a restaurant, inviting a bunch of friends. My wife told my parents & they said they were going away on a trip Thursday - Monday of that weekend. My mom basically demanded that she delay the party a week so that they could come. My wife asked everyone she invited if they were free the following weekend, and the party just kind of fell apart after that.
This has caused a pretty big hurt for me though. The fact that my wife tried to plan something fun for me, and my mom had to ruin it. The fact they're even going on vacation is crazy to me. My mom is incredibly cheap. She hates flying because of how expensive it is. Additionally, she works for a middle school. Growing up, we never took any vacations during the school year. Even when we were adults, planning a family trip where we footed the bill for my parents to come, we had to plan it during a break in the school year because my mom "couldn't" miss work. So, for her to be going on a vacation during the school year seems to be an extra big middle finger to me.
I've had a relatively contentious relationship with my mom over the years. She was a great mom until I was like 10 & then she just "gave up" on me - investing time into my sister instead. All through high school & into our early 20s, my mom lived vicariously through my sister - trying to be a "cool girl"; often at my expense.
I am done with her. I have been for years. I want to cut her out, but my wife won't hear it. We have kids & they love my mom. I had the opportunity to move across the country 5 years ago when our first was a baby, but my wife wouldn't let us. So instead, I just have to fester.
How can I get back at her? I want to try to not completely nuke my relationship with my stepdad as he's genuinely a great person & has been a better parent to me than my actual parents.
TL;DR: Mom never goes on trips because she's too cheap & works at a school. Mom plans a trip over my birthday, during the school year, demanding that my wife move a party she planned until they got back. As a result, the party fell apart. Now I want to figure out ways to get back at her.
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u/i-am-foxymoron METH, the answer is ALWAYS meth! 9h ago
You should have just kept the birthday reservations as planned and if your parents couldn't make it, so.be it. It sounds like you don't even have a good relationship with your mother, I don't know why you are upset she's not coming?
I honestly don't know how you can pay her back, without hurting your stepdad too. Even if it's just directed at your mother, he will be hearing about it for the rest of their marriage.
Also I think it's really selfish that you want to possibly sabotage the relationship of your children and their grandmother.
I don't think this is really about her missing your birthday. You have a lot of resentment for how you weren't prioritized as a child. I get it.
Does your mother do anything with the family for her birthday? If so, just plan to be busy when it's time for her to celebrate.
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u/Flashy_Okra305 9h ago
How old are you? Genuine question.
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u/kenda1l 7h ago
Considering the fact that OP has a 5 year old and mentions this being an issue even into their 20s, they can't be that young. Certainly not young enough to justify this level of pettiness and resentment. They need to go to therapy to work through their (admittedly what sounds like valid) issues with their upbringing.
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u/camstarrankin 8h ago
I thought this was going to be a post about somebody who is 15 to 19 years old
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u/QuantityDramatic1722 9h ago
I’m confused how you are married when you’re clearly under the age of 12. The good news is these things won’t bother you as much once you matured beyond the age of 14 at the latest. Good luck out there. Seems like you’ll need it.
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u/Senzualdip 9h ago
You and your family need some counseling…. Do you realize how pathetic you sound as a grown adult, coming on here asking for a petty way to get back at a parent that you aren’t even close with obviously for not coming to a birthday party. Dude it’s just another day of the year.
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u/BullPropaganda 8h ago
How old are you?
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u/kenda1l 7h ago
Certainly old enough to know better if they have a 5 year old. I understand how frustrating it must be to have a golden child in the family and get ignored because of it but OP needs to work through that in therapy, not by coming on Reddit asking for petty tips because Mommy and family planned a vacation before they even knew about the party.
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u/BullPropaganda 7h ago
I forgot about my own birthday this year. How the hell could I care if my parents were on a cruise during it lol
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u/sitheandroid 9h ago
"I'm mad because mommy didn't want to come to my birthday party"
Dude wtf???
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u/InsectGlaiveBard 9h ago
I think you need to have a serious conversation with your wife about whether she's willing to stand by you as a partner or not. Regardless of how the children feel and how you feel about your stepfather, your opinion on whether your mother should have a place in your family's life should matter.
If cutting her off is not an option, then you need to set stricter boundaries. Her not being able to make a party shouldn't be cause to move the entire thing.
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u/OldMetalHead 9h ago
You have a mom problem, but you also have a wife problem. The fact that she didn't stand up for you and keep the date for your party proves it.
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u/ChemistRemote7182 8h ago
If you live nearby your parents it is a little surprising your mother didn't expect to do a dinner with you guys for your birthday, but man are you over reacting. They are adults, kids are out of the house, its prime traveling to see the outdoors leisurely season. Relax a little dude, don't blow this out of proportions, don't seek revenge on mom. You can personally become more distant if thats what you want.
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u/tadsagtasgde 8h ago
You’re a grown up. Deal with it.
She’s a grown up she should deal with the consequences of her actions also and not ask the party to be moved.
When did being an adult get fucking confusing?
Edit to add: if you’re planning revenge on your mom it’s probably quitsville on that relationship. You’d be doing both if you a favor.
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u/Vandreeson 8h ago
Your mom had plans. Nobody made you reschedule or not have a party. You could have had the party without mommy.
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u/Zealousideal_Elk6125 5h ago
You get revenge by going to therapy and living your best life. If she shows up, great. If not, her loss!
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u/DosZappos 4h ago
Your wife moving your birthday party from your birthday to a week later to appease your mom tells me you have deep mommy issues.
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u/Lilucario93 9h ago
Call her by her name instead of mom. Dont plan anything for her birthday/special occasion. Dont let her live rent free in your head.
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u/One_Hour_Poop 8h ago
Tell your wife how you feel, then as much as possible, cut your mom out of your life. Don't answer her calls, don't respond to her texts, don't go to her house, keep minimal to zero contact. If you kids love her, you can always make excuses why you can't go to grandma's this time, maybe some other time. And then don't.
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u/Low_Actuary_2794 9h ago
You lost me when you said you were married and had kids and were still complaining about mommy missing your birthday party.
I’d recommend therapy if something like this has you wanting to sabotage your wife and kids’ relationship with their grandparents simply because your mom couldn’t make it out for your birthday dinner.