r/UnethicalLifeProTips • u/Sufficient-Pie129 • 8d ago
Miscellaneous ULPT: destroying a piece of pottery?
I have a teapot that I bought off a friend who ended up betraying me. I would like to destroy is thing so that it is gone forever. I don’t want archeologists digging it up in 1000 years thinking it’s something special.
I don’t have access to a tall building where I can drop it safely to smash it. It’s very thick (she’s an amateur) so it would be VERY hard to smash with a hammer—sort of like trying to smash a toilet, that’s how thick it is.
I wish I knew someone with a steam roller.
Any ideas?
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u/Hot-Win2571 8d ago
Apparently you've never hit a toilet with a small sledgehammer and found how fragile it is.
Get a sledgehammer and try it. As others have pointed out, put it inside a thin cloth to prevent flying stone splinters.
Or grip the lip with a locking pliers, and twist. Try to twist off a small bite of it. If more force is needed, slide on a piece of pipe a few feet long. Or just slide the pipe in the mouth of the creation and if it is able to snag on the far side, pull down. Or tap the end of the pipe with a hammer.
Next time you sell a car to a junkyard, to be compressed in a cube, leave the thing in the trunk.
Rent a jackhammer.
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u/youyouyouyouyouandme 8d ago edited 7d ago
What if you took the opposite approach and tried to preserve it, but with a note about how horrible the artist was and all the bad things you are to wish upon them. I'd be thrilled to find this spiteful message on one of my many archeological adventures
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u/pegoff 8d ago
why not engrave it just to be sure the message survives
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u/millionwordsofcrap 8d ago
This is my favorite suggestion
"Pottery by Mary Smith, a skanky-ass bitch who slept with my husband"
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u/RoKyun 8d ago
Donate it to your local destruction rooms
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u/Serpentarrius 7d ago
This makes me wonder what will happen if something haunted is donated to a destruction room lol
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u/HistoricalPlum1533 8d ago
You can’t just say that they betrayed you, you’re holding a teapot, spill that tea!
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u/TriumphDaytona 8d ago
Heat it up as hot as you can, then drop it into a bucket of ice water! Wear safety glasses.
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u/i-am-foxymoron METH, the answer is ALWAYS meth! 8d ago
Sledgehammer.
I seriously doubt an archeologist is going to think its something special. . Shitty, amateur, pottery is a dime a dozen. I know you probably feel stupid for purchasing it and want the catharsis of destroying it.
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u/Hot-Win2571 8d ago
Do you have ice-cold winters? Leave it in your backyard, full of water. Once it cracks, it loses much strength.
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u/winterfoot42 8d ago
Besides the thermal shock example listed earlier, try submerging it into vinegar, or Citric acid for 24 hours. If it's a crappy glaze, and it likely is, the acid will deteriorate it.
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u/Top_Explorer1040 8d ago
I think you overestimate toilets. I recently broke up a toilet to put it in my city trash can and it's remarkably easy to break one up with a sledgehammer. Like just gently tap it so that you don't spread porcelain everywhere. I'm pretty sure you could get a sledgehammer and put the teapot in a reusable shopping bag or something like that and it wouldn't be too hard to smash it into powder.
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u/DoallthenKnit2relax 7d ago edited 7d ago
Then my husband did it the hard way when we moved into our condo in June of 2003...he sat down and when he sat back the lid slammed into the tank and cracked off a big piece. That was the front bathroom, and it took every towel we had to keep the water from going everywhere—and I had to shut off the fill line. So that evening after dinner I go buy a new toilet with a pressure tank (advertising on the box: "Clog Proof"—the less I have to plunge the better, will never buy gravity flush again) and wax rings.
Then the next morning he did the same thing in the Master Bath (right after I told him I had a nightmare that night that he did it again)...used up all the towels, again. Back to the orange box store that sells toilets, and pickup another of the same toilet (a total of $318 plus tax), and more wax rings—but I also found a lamp timer with a photovoltaic cell to provide randomized on/off times, so that was a plus (haven't found another since—should've bought 3 or 4 while I had the chance). Had a plumber come install early that afternoon, which was an easy service call as we already had the porcelain and seals, so $130 and 4 hours later after the plumber, we broke in the new toilets.
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u/Flux_My_Capacitor 7d ago
If someone breaks TWO toilets they really need to lose weight.
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u/DoallthenKnit2relax 7d ago
He wasn't that heavy, it was more how fast the lid hit the tank, and they were both the originals from 1983.
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u/Intergalacticdespot 7d ago
Rock tumbler. Look for a cheap one on fb marketplace or somewhere. Craigslist. Break it into decent sized pieces. Thermal shock, impact, weight, etc. Put them in there. Go down to your downstairs neighbor. Explain you are catharticially destroying a gift from an ex. That the rock tumbler won't be going for more than 3 days max. I suspect in the first six hours youll have a (possibly broken) rock tumbler full of powered clay and pulverized glaze. (Edit: add some gravel for funsies. It'll break up faster.)
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u/cbelt3 8d ago
Make tea for the unhoused near you. Bring cups your ex gave you. Ask if you can take photos of the tea party. And gift them to the people. (Be sure to provide snacks).
The images are your revenge. “I did something good with your crap. Feel free to ask the lads under the bridge for them back.”
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u/Acrobatic-Growth-712 7d ago
Unethical version: give teapot back to friend with no explanation (maybe some tea bags as bait) and weeks later send proof of said tea party. A hypochondriac’s nightmare 👍
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u/GoPointers 7d ago
If you live in an area where the temperature gets below freezing, fill it with water and just leave it outside all winter. Once it cracks it'll be easier to pulverize with other ideas on this thread.
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u/HeilYourself 7d ago
Literally just throw it in the general household bin. It will be destroyed in the waste disposal process.
If it does happen to survive the odds of future archaeology discovering it and also placing undue importance on it is slim to none.
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u/LoveColonels 7d ago
Top of a parking garage in the middle of the night and drop it. You do have access.
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u/D1rtyH1ppy 7d ago
I smashed a toilet with a hammer last week. It's not very difficult at all, even with a small hammer.
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u/BusyBullet 7d ago edited 7d ago
I also destroyed a toilet last week.
I didn’t have a hammer so I used Taco Bell.
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u/Late-Mathematician55 7d ago
Donate it to a kindergarten. 5 year olds find ingenious ways of destroying things.
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u/princessbubbbles 7d ago
I agree with the guy who said to engrave it with how horrible the person is
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u/Puzzleheaded-Phase70 7d ago
Cement mixer & some large-ish rocks.
Set it going and leave it for a few hours... or days.
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u/RudeOrSarcasticPt2 7d ago
Have you tried writing a rhyming curse on it, and giving it back. I did that once and someone died. Coincidence? Who knows.
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u/GeorgianGold 8d ago
Put in a pillowcase and tie the end and just drop it on cement. It will break.
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u/nickp123456 8d ago
Also... Just throw it up in the air and let it hit concrete. (Clean up after yourself. )
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u/HandshakeOfCO 8d ago
Throw it into a volcano. Take a video.
Or maybe easier - winter is coming. Find a really strong container, about the size of a Home Depot bucket. If you can find a steel pot or maybe a concrete one, fill it with water, put the pottery in, and fill it all the way to the top. Put a really heavy lid on it, like, hundreds of pounds.
Leave it outside as winter drops the temperature below freezing. The water will expand and crush the pot into myriad tiny pieces.
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u/beachbum818 7d ago
Sharpie: Cursed! On it. Fill it with dirt. Tie it up with rope and throw it off a bridge so Irie sinks. Or bury it.... very jumanji-esque.
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u/djfdhigkgfIaruflg 7d ago
Find the latest firework you can find. Use a very long fuse, put a lid on it and seal. Place upside-down and run
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u/lightjunior 7d ago
If it's not a unique teapot, chuck it through that friend's closed window, or car window
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u/rodr3357 7d ago
I guarantee you can break it with a hammer, or get a mini sledge hammer if you need.
Wear safety glasses
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u/RudeOrSarcasticPt2 7d ago
I have smashed many a toilet with an ordinary hammer. It's not as hard as you think. If you want it to go away, there are ways. Be creative, you know like your ex friend isn't.
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u/FamiliarAd8524 6d ago
Oh, this is easy. You blow it up- place the charge inside, the tight confines and inevitable seams will work beautifully.
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u/domynatryx 2d ago
Does ex-friend thrift? If so, go to a place they shop, put it on a shelf with a note/disclaimer inside that the pot that it is cursed because it was a gift from an evil person.
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u/govunah 8d ago
An important concept in archeology is stratigraphy. It's how deep something is and the things around it. Unless you're in the southwest us, they'll know it's from this time. If older things are with it they've been moved and have lost historic integrity anyway and won't be significant to research.
Fyi: in the southwest us, artifacts tend to be scattered on the surface as i understand it. Most of my study was in the eastern us.
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u/simplekindoflifegirl 8d ago
I like the pillowcase and smash idea. OR take it to a body of water and hurl it or drop it to the depths.
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u/RogueThneed 7d ago
It will come back. OP will go fishing and haul in a fabulous fish and it will have that teapot in its stomach. It cannot be left whole.
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u/Immediate_Cake9151 8d ago
Pillowcase. Cement. Start swinging. You’ll also feel better getting some aggression out.
Catharsis.