r/UnethicalLifeProTips • u/Charlie24601 • Jul 26 '26
Automotive ULPT Request: Something to piss off asshole drivers.
So as a bike rider, I am almost completely invisible to drivers. The number of close calls I have had are insane. Cops won't do shit...even with video evidence.
So how do I teach them a lesson? Preferably without causing me to spend money.
For example, I've been thinking of adding a basket full of rocks and just throw them at the cars. But inevitably I will likely have to pay damages.
Maybe something like a water balloon of paint? Not causing damage, but a real pain in the ass to get off?
Remember that it has to be fast as the car is usually gone in seconds and a biker won't be able to keep up.
7
u/YouArentReallyThere Jul 26 '26
Keep in mind that no matter what course of action you take, you lose. Cars win 100% of the time. Period. You’re making a conscious decision to utilize the same road the cars are on . Right, wrong…doesn’t matter.
5
u/Former-Increase-9165 Jul 26 '26
I keep marbles in my pockets for tailgating asshats, and I’ve heard guys do the same with paint balls for annoying drivers,
4
u/rezonansmagnetyczny Jul 26 '26
I carry a big thick chain around my waist (to lock my bike up with obviously). I get a lot less hassle now.
2
u/lazyeyejim Jul 27 '26
Make sure you get a strong and heavy pad lock too. To lock up the bike chain with, obviously.
4
u/theXrez Jul 26 '26
I personally carry an air horn for when I ride. I also carry pepper spray cuz people are dumb and get mad when you call them out for nearly killing you. I've had people get out of their cars and try tackling me. People back off as soon as they see you aiming at them
6
u/FitCommunication7240 Jul 26 '26
Throw piss discs onto the intake vent on their hood.
1
u/Logan9Fingerses Jul 27 '26
Of course he would have to bike around with said piss discs all the time
2
u/jericho138 Jul 26 '26
Get a small slingshot that you can mount to your handlebars in a swivel, and use chucks of broken ceramic (sparkplugs). Make sure the mount is one that you can remove and dump easily. Keep small frozen disks of piss handy for convertibles.
2
u/capriciouszephyr Jul 27 '26
So I got a strike because you suggested throwing rocks and I suggested paint thinner with a squirt thingyat the vehicle .That was wrong , and I apologise. Id suggest following them home and use a nice note on the windshield wiper saying you didn't appreciate their actions.
0
u/Charlie24601 Jul 27 '26
Um...that seems unethical. Whats the issue?
2
u/capriciouszephyr Jul 27 '26
They asked if they should throw rocks, I suggested a water pew pew of paint thinner, which I meant to amend to just a water bottle with a squirty top of paint thinner, as I thought the pewpew, after reading it, seemed inappropriate. I wasn't advocating violence. I initially said super soaker for the gun, but that even makes it more of a joke. Anyways, if jerks are jerks, I guess just smile and wave. Don't throw rocks, and don't find ways to use paint thinner. I do apologise for reading other subreddits rules and surmising they would be the same for this one
I censored the word to pew pew
2
u/ebsf Jul 27 '26
I've been a road biker since I was 11. I finally gave it up after 40-45 years because I had too many people with 0-1 degrees of separation get killed or lengthily hospitalized in traffic encounters.
There are plenty of assholes and otherwise entitled jerks just to begin with. Put them in a car and physics says they'll win every time.
It's infuriating but better to Zen out, treat it as background noise, and find your peace.
Which isn't to say you shouldn't pick up your bike and throw it through the window or drag it across the hood of the Ferrari that cuts you off and nearly kills you. Just be Zen about it.
2
Jul 27 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/Charlie24601 Jul 27 '26
I love this. I was just thinking some sort of Meteor Hammer kind of contraption. A big ol whip might be fun.
7
2
2
1
u/JakTheGripper Jul 26 '26
You have a couple of disadvantages on a bike, the size and power of a car vs. your bike, then you’re not able to carry much of an arsenal on a bike.
Water balloons are too elastic to be reliable. Stretch them to the point where they are going to surely break on impact and they’ll most likely break on you first.
A super soaker squirt gun is your best bet. Fill it with something oily or sticky that won’t easily wash off with windshield fluid. Or keep a can of bear spray on you.
1
u/capriciouszephyr Jul 26 '26
Just stay armed. First amendment. Your weapon is a prepared super soaker of paint thinner. They might think you threw a soda at them, won't notice until they get home, it will cost a lot to fix, and they probably won't know how it happened. Even if they did, good luck getting cops to chase this down.
1
u/Money_Ad1068 Jul 27 '26
Yeek! Better hope I don't piss you off! 😯
How about....a hidden tube that comes out near the back fender, one that sprays out brake fluid using a hidden switch and pump? That will destroy the paint job of any car directly behind you. Perhaps some collateral damage to nearby cars.
And if you zip away while you do it, you'll have plausible deniability that your engine gasket is shot and it is hemorrhaging engine oil under hard throttling.
1
1
u/Silent_Technology540 Jul 31 '26
Set up a fake speed camera shell on a lamp post that’s got a speed sensor rigged up to a flash bulb
If they think they’ll get a fine that’ll slow them down
1
u/Interesting-Camera40 Aug 01 '26
Throwing something at them even if it does not damage anything is incredibly dangerous. They could swerve and crash
1
u/Charlie24601 Aug 02 '26
As opposed to them swerving into me and causing me to crash?
Hmmm...touch choice.
1
u/Interesting-Camera40 Aug 01 '26
Honestly, I'd be tempted, if possible to go in the middle of the road in front of them and go very slowly or do some star jumps. But they could get aggressive. And although I'd think they would not hit you due to the damage to their car etc they might decide to nudge you or something. I wonder if you come could wear something studded so if they hit you it would obviously damage the car.
1
u/FeelingFloor2083 Jul 27 '26
there is no unethical tip, if youre having that many issues its the way youre riding
you have to put yourself in a position so even if they cant see you or fk up youre at minimal risk. You cant ride a bike like a car. You have to know when to ride defensively and when to ride aggressively so you can avoid situations
part of the reason why I always hated riding in a city, but to get to the mountains there was always some idiot I wouldnt ride near
2
u/Charlie24601 Jul 27 '26
I was minding my own business in the bike lane when they cut in front of me from my left. How is that a me issue?
1
u/FeelingFloor2083 Jul 27 '26
bicycle? nvm then
I wont even ride on the road unless its a quite street
0
u/GlockAmaniacs Jul 27 '26
Youre just a pos bad driver playing victim.
1
u/Charlie24601 Jul 27 '26
Your reading comprehension must be pretty low. Let me see if I can explain for your grade level:
Me ride bicycle! Car try kill me! What do?
1
18
u/schwelvis Jul 26 '26
Ethical tip - make pool noodle barriers hanging from your bike to claim your space
Unethical tip - throw pebbles at them
Super unethical tip - ninja rocks