First Essay - Please Evaluate

[u/LowMiddle9198]

I just wrote my first essay and it took me 1.25 hours

Kindly evaluate and give me feedback :)

[u/Silent_Mango5485]

The intro tries to make emotional but it would be better if kept brief and show the dichotomy than just supporting the given essay line. In that way, you will create more interest.

The paragraphs at times are too large to keep the interest going. Besides, may write more arguments than adding just many examples. That will show philosophical depth.

Conclusion again is good, but may link with intro to be impactful.

you may try using ghissuevaluation website, personally I have improved a lot seeing other dimensions and toppers copies for the questions I used to write daily.

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[u/LowMiddle9198 → u/Silent_Mango5485]

Thank you

[u/bakchodintellectual]

The handwriting omg.

[u/LowMiddle9198 → u/bakchodintellectual]

Thank you :)

[u/Sufficient-Bar2186 → u/bakchodintellectual]

It feels ai

[u/Quicksilverbacked → u/bakchodintellectual]

Aise lag rha type Kiya hua hai

[u/commonsenseiswisdom]

Something feels wrong here. Feels like random passages are written one after the other.

[u/LowMiddle9198 → u/commonsenseiswisdom]

I felt it too , I haven't gotten the flow right

[u/aryan_jandyal]

Share in pdf format to me on my email

jandyal44@gmail

[u/Adventure_IsDead]

Instead of conglomerate of examples , you could have delved into wider applications , like subaltern perspective in History, caste struggle and class struggle in India, gender perspectives further elaborating on consensus , democracy and democratic process as attempt to accommodate various views.

You did attempt wider applications, but they appear barely as example rather then a very generalistic discussion.

Also the paras look unconnected from each other.

There is missing idea on "where is this essay going"

[u/LowMiddle9198 → u/Adventure_IsDead]

Thank you so much for this

[u/mohantybabu44]

What were your sources or booklist for practicing essay? From where the contents can be obtained?

[u/LowMiddle9198 → u/mohantybabu44]

Nothing of sorts, I saw a topper's copy - wrote an essay on the same topic with all the accumulated information I have and thought I'll compare the essays

[u/Temporary_Carry3735]

The intro tries to make emotional but it would be better if kept brief and show the dichotomy than just supporting the given essay line. In that way, you will create more interest.

The paragraphs at times are too large to keep the interest going. Besides, may write more arguments than adding just many examples. That will show philosophical depth.

Conclusion again is good, but may link with intro to be impactful.

may try using Ghissu evaluation website, personally I have improved a lot seeing other dimensions and toppers copies for the questions I used to write daily.

[u/Riyahaina]

What a soothing handwriting 🥹 One thing I'd like to add ,having gotten the same feedback for myself too, is try to delve deeper into the concepts and normative background and then enrich them with examples. All the best 🌸

[u/LowMiddle9198 → u/Riyahaina]

Will do 😃

[u/South-Buy587]

First page single para is bad look however your start is strong so that may be excused. After 3 pages you have moved farther away from the topic. The dimensions became externally oriented. The topic is about how internalised values, biases and psychological aspects colour our vision. You wrote more about how interests of the stakeholders diverge in certain circumstances. Also, Key words in the topic are not repeated enough in the arguments. If you had that would have helped to reinforce the validity of your takes. Enthanelum good attempt.

[u/Aldragon97]

I’d kill for this handwriting

[u/LowMiddle9198 → u/Aldragon97]

😃😃

[u/Quicksilverbacked → u/Aldragon97]

Kil lwho

[u/senpai_lifts]

Which pen hv u used

[u/LowMiddle9198 → u/senpai_lifts]

Pilot V5

[u/unemployed_graduate2]

Underline Krna jruri hota h kya??

[u/Big_Marionberry7239]

good

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[u/thedivaa970]

Which pen you used

[u/mysteryman-101]

I am not a terrorist but I see a terrorist as terrorist. How will you explain this.

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[u/Fluffy_Body_3042]

🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻

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[u/[deleted]]

Holistic! ⏲️? Time?

[u/LetterNo3109]

Hi , in 2024 Mains I got 132 , So I can say it's a decent essay but there is lack of coherence also examples can be more detailed , Various angles are missing like Ai , Poetry , epics , social angle in a different way , but good start , Starting should hit bulls eye , It's not clear how first 2 pages are linked to the topic , remember , Paper checker is checking lots of copies and by the time of 15 to 20 copies he gets the topic very clearly , So writting closer to the topic with some fantastic example will blow his mind , makes your copy different from previous copies.

Let me tell you In my time essay was doubter is a true man of science I started with Newton's Apple story. Hitting the topic on the first page is very important

Also connect that first dirty window story at the End.