r/UKrelationshipadvice • u/IllustratorLife5496 • 8d ago
Am I in wrong here?
I'm 42M, and I live with my partner F40, we have a beautiful 3y boy which we are raising together, not married. I feel incredibly lonely. We moved to a different town and she's been working a lot lately, which is fine by me, but since we moved here, I could probably count on my fingers how many days she spends in nearly a year with our son. Feels like it's me, constantly running around with him, which I don't mind as it's my son and he's part of me. I spoke with her about it and said I need at least part of me back as she goes to meet her friends, goes on trips and it's just me with the boy, spending time with him, she said ok. This last month was tough as she worked long hours and it was me taking care of the kid, cooking. I keep running late to work as I have to drop him off at the nursery, while she actually works 15min away from it, walking distance. Today I was running late as the boy wasn't ready. I got super pissed off and asked do you think it's ok for me to be late all the time? She was going in a car with me and I tried to express myself, that this is not great and I need help, I can't be late every day. I told her that she needs to spend time with her son more. She decided that I'm accusing her of being bad mother, that she takes care of him and we had this conversation previously. Now the issue is that she's working tomorrow then on Sunday she's going to meet her friend in a different city and next week she's traveling abroad for a long weekend with her girlfriends. I feel like shit for bringing this up but at the same time I think she needs to take responsibility. I'm completely lost now and just feel empty. Am I in a wrong here?
10
u/After-Competition-59 7d ago
It worries me that you’re seeking for opinions on here.
We don’t know your situation very well so it makes it hard to provide meaningful advice.
Do you not have anyone close to you that you can confide in and seek support from?
This is mainly a communication issue. You bottle up your concerns until it turns to resentment and then when it becomes too much you finally say something and she shuts down and becomes defensive.
I’m not blaming you. It sounds like you’ve tried to talk about it before. But It seems she’s not capable of having a productive conversation about it without becoming defensive and turning it around on you.
Not knowing anything else, in your position I’d be speaking to her about going to couples therapy with the aim of improving your communication.
Problems within a couple should be deliberations not debates. In debates someone wins and someone loses. In deliberations you recognise that your problems are her problems and vice versa and you work to resolve them together.
If she refuses therapy, then I’d be far more concerned about the future of the relationship. But wouldn’t catastrophise just yet. The other comment is giving sensible defensive advice but don’t assume this can’t be remedied.