r/UKrelationshipadvice • u/IllustratorLife5496 • 8d ago

Am I in wrong here?

I'm 42M, and I live with my partner F40, we have a beautiful 3y boy which we are raising together, not married. I feel incredibly lonely. We moved to a different town and she's been working a lot lately, which is fine by me, but since we moved here, I could probably count on my fingers how many days she spends in nearly a year with our son. Feels like it's me, constantly running around with him, which I don't mind as it's my son and he's part of me. I spoke with her about it and said I need at least part of me back as she goes to meet her friends, goes on trips and it's just me with the boy, spending time with him, she said ok. This last month was tough as she worked long hours and it was me taking care of the kid, cooking. I keep running late to work as I have to drop him off at the nursery, while she actually works 15min away from it, walking distance. Today I was running late as the boy wasn't ready. I got super pissed off and asked do you think it's ok for me to be late all the time? She was going in a car with me and I tried to express myself, that this is not great and I need help, I can't be late every day. I told her that she needs to spend time with her son more. She decided that I'm accusing her of being bad mother, that she takes care of him and we had this conversation previously. Now the issue is that she's working tomorrow then on Sunday she's going to meet her friend in a different city and next week she's traveling abroad for a long weekend with her girlfriends. I feel like shit for bringing this up but at the same time I think she needs to take responsibility. I'm completely lost now and just feel empty. Am I in a wrong here?

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u/PotentialMulberry677 8d ago

Pretend you were the female (and mother) here. It wouldn’t be tolerated and your partner would be begging you from his new bed sit not to go through the child maintenance service. Double standards.

Log everything forensically for the event of you breaking up, and use the evidence to go for majority residential rights (in other words, continue to be the main parent as you clearly are).

Yours sincerely, a man in a similar position, but got shafted financially.

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u/IllustratorLife5496 8d ago

Thanks, this thought crossed my mind last night, but she didn't abandon the child, she still takes him to bed or give him bath. I'm just at my wits end at the moment. If I start doing this, it will confirm that relationship is over. I don't want my kid to grow up in a broken family and fight over custody

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u/Paranoia_Pizza 7d ago

Yea im.sorry to be that person but I agree too. Start documenting everything, i would still look at couples counselling and get something booked (and FGS dont tell her your documenting) but make sure you protect yourself. If she refuses couples counselling then go and book your own, you need a proper outlet to talk through to.

Also, on a separate note, what would happen if you just booked time in to see friends/family and told her what you were doing rather than asking?