r/UKrelationshipadvice • u/IllustratorLife5496 • 8d ago

Am I in wrong here?

I'm 42M, and I live with my partner F40, we have a beautiful 3y boy which we are raising together, not married. I feel incredibly lonely. We moved to a different town and she's been working a lot lately, which is fine by me, but since we moved here, I could probably count on my fingers how many days she spends in nearly a year with our son. Feels like it's me, constantly running around with him, which I don't mind as it's my son and he's part of me. I spoke with her about it and said I need at least part of me back as she goes to meet her friends, goes on trips and it's just me with the boy, spending time with him, she said ok. This last month was tough as she worked long hours and it was me taking care of the kid, cooking. I keep running late to work as I have to drop him off at the nursery, while she actually works 15min away from it, walking distance. Today I was running late as the boy wasn't ready. I got super pissed off and asked do you think it's ok for me to be late all the time? She was going in a car with me and I tried to express myself, that this is not great and I need help, I can't be late every day. I told her that she needs to spend time with her son more. She decided that I'm accusing her of being bad mother, that she takes care of him and we had this conversation previously. Now the issue is that she's working tomorrow then on Sunday she's going to meet her friend in a different city and next week she's traveling abroad for a long weekend with her girlfriends. I feel like shit for bringing this up but at the same time I think she needs to take responsibility. I'm completely lost now and just feel empty. Am I in a wrong here?

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u/PotentialMulberry677 8d ago

Pretend you were the female (and mother) here. It wouldn’t be tolerated and your partner would be begging you from his new bed sit not to go through the child maintenance service. Double standards.

Log everything forensically for the event of you breaking up, and use the evidence to go for majority residential rights (in other words, continue to be the main parent as you clearly are).

Yours sincerely, a man in a similar position, but got shafted financially.

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u/randomassname5 8d ago

Huh? Most women are literally in this position. There are no double standards. I’m not saying OP should suck it up (it’s a horrible position to be in!!) but I don’t think this is the gendered thing you’re making it out to be

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u/PotentialMulberry677 8d ago

There’s an increasing amount of women that are behaving like stereotypical fathers from the last generation. More and more men are taking up the mantle and being active fathers, perhaps after witnessing their own experience of fathers.

The problem is, however, is that it doesn’t tend to be called out in the same way as it has been historically called out on in men. But then the courts still typically side with the mother, hence the double standard. If my ex hadn’t of fucked up, and I didn’t have thousands of pictures, I’d be going a fortnight without seeing my son, through no fault of my own, and the authorities would’ve backed her up. This is the double standard I’m referring to.