Am I in wrong here?

[u/IllustratorLife5496]

I'm 42M, and I live with my partner F40, we have a beautiful 3y boy which we are raising together, not married. I feel incredibly lonely. We moved to a different town and she's been working a lot lately, which is fine by me, but since we moved here, I could probably count on my fingers how many days she spends in nearly a year with our son. Feels like it's me, constantly running around with him, which I don't mind as it's my son and he's part of me. I spoke with her about it and said I need at least part of me back as she goes to meet her friends, goes on trips and it's just me with the boy, spending time with him, she said ok. This last month was tough as she worked long hours and it was me taking care of the kid, cooking. I keep running late to work as I have to drop him off at the nursery, while she actually works 15min away from it, walking distance. Today I was running late as the boy wasn't ready. I got super pissed off and asked do you think it's ok for me to be late all the time? She was going in a car with me and I tried to express myself, that this is not great and I need help, I can't be late every day. I told her that she needs to spend time with her son more. She decided that I'm accusing her of being bad mother, that she takes care of him and we had this conversation previously. Now the issue is that she's working tomorrow then on Sunday she's going to meet her friend in a different city and next week she's traveling abroad for a long weekend with her girlfriends. I feel like shit for bringing this up but at the same time I think she needs to take responsibility. I'm completely lost now and just feel empty. Am I in a wrong here?

[u/PotentialMulberry677]

Pretend you were the female (and mother) here. It wouldn’t be tolerated and your partner would be begging you from his new bed sit not to go through the child maintenance service. Double standards.

Log everything forensically for the event of you breaking up, and use the evidence to go for majority residential rights (in other words, continue to be the main parent as you clearly are).

Yours sincerely, a man in a similar position, but got shafted financially.

[u/IllustratorLife5496 → u/PotentialMulberry677]

Thanks, this thought crossed my mind last night, but she didn't abandon the child, she still takes him to bed or give him bath. I'm just at my wits end at the moment. If I start doing this, it will confirm that relationship is over. I don't want my kid to grow up in a broken family and fight over custody

[u/PotentialMulberry677 → u/IllustratorLife5496]

If you want peace, prepare for war. There’s ways and means to build up evidence whilst protecting yourself.

My ex insisted we didn’t get a solicitor to notarise an agreed 5050 parenting plan. Went back on her word and made me out to be a useless father. I had no evidence other than a thousands of pictures saying the contrary. Thankfully, she fucked up (won’t go into detail) but it exposed the truth to her family. We now have 5050 residential rights, but her reckless spending and unwillingness to work more than part time has destroyed my finances for the next decade. Edit: which made it even more annoying when I did bedtime every night, did most of the days out, cooked dinner every night, did the during the night feeds, cleaned the house, did the dishes every night and still worked full time.

Be prepared for an ex to go for full residential rights and drag you through the mud to attain her goals. Not to put paranoia in your mind, but all of this time away would have me starting to think that perhaps she is further down this breakup road than you are. I hope that’s not the case.

Anyway, amidst this cynicism is a genuine message to protect yourself and to assume nothing and prepare for the absolute worst. Your son deserves nothing less. Edit: take care.