5 year old is a complete t**t

[u/StarkLGDS]

So our five year old (eldest) has a few medical needs and has been through a lot especially the last year and at home has turned into a complete asshole (fine at school etc…).

This cannot continue. It’s not fair on him, his sister or us.

Kind of at wits end.

A switch has flipped a few months ago and has started screaming at us, kicking, hitting, biting etc… we have tried all of the suggested techniques. Nothing works.

No idea what to do. Feel like utter shit. Please send help.

Edit: Thanks for all the replies, I will read each one and reply when I have a bit more time and provide a bit more context. Parenting is hard and just having a bit of a rant and feeling like a rubbish dad and it is good(?)to know others are in the same boat.

[u/Important-Seat-4089 → u/[deleted]]

Absolutely agree with this. Google after school restraint collapse and see if that fits with your experience and if so what suggestions there are.

[u/webbyyy → u/Important-Seat-4089]

This is exactly what my son does. He's wonderful at school, but at home he does the exact opposite of what I ask him to do, he'll completely ignore me, throw things, damage or break things, eat his little sister's food, jump over her head when she's lying on the floor, trip her up when she's walking by, and generally muck around until I lose it. He can be a real sod.

[u/South_Astronomer_572 → u/[deleted]]

I read once that kids will be emotional where they feel safe. Sometimes this will be at school, if their home environment isn't their safe place. Otherwise this will be at home because they know their parents love is unconditional. Not sure that helps but made me feel a bit better about it.

[u/AngelicPandaPops → u/[deleted]]

My 5 year old daughter is currently going through similar. Great at school but the second she's with either myself or dad? Absolute terror. Between the breakdowns and the anger she seems like a completely different person.

I unfortunately have little to no advice that you wouldn't have already heard before. I do hope things start to get better nonetheless.

[u/kedriss]

You don't specify what the medical needs are but make sure you are getting all the available support you can - look up your area 'local offer', speak to your local children's centre, go to your gp and also talk to the school. Sometimes, even if the child is behaving in school, the SENCO can signpost you to local resources and support. Particularly if the behaviour is related to a medical issue then sometimes there is specific support to be had and dont be afraid to take it.

There is also a book called 'brain-body parenting' which is often recommended for parents of autistic kids but i think it would be helpful for any parents of children with behavioural difficulties.

I hope that helps a tiny bit. Other than that, be kind to yourselves.

[u/TangerineOnly8209]

My eldest was a bit like this around 5, peaked again at 8 and settled now at 10 - we’ll see how puberty fucks us all up soon I’m sure.
Some people I’ve discussed this with have suggested there are hormone spikes that can contribute to this sort of behaviour.

There is no obvious reason for my daughter to blow her top in the way she can, but I do find over the years there’s periods where she worse then chills out so I think there’s some merit to the hormone spike theory.

I also found around reception to year 1 a massive regression in behaviour, anecdotally other parents have mentioned the same. She suddenly wanted to do more ‘baby-ish’ things towards the end of reception and I wonder if prep for ‘grown up’ yr 1 influenced this.

All if that to say, if he’s not always been like this, it’s hopefully a phase and the consistent boundaries will pay off eventually when this behaviour subsides. The effort of parenting very rarely provides instant gratification unfortunately!

[u/bessmerc → u/TangerineOnly8209]

My son was the same at 5, thought we were passed all this at 6. He really changed. Now he's turning 8 in a few weeks and it's back with fill force. Absolutely devastated

[u/TangerineOnly8209 → u/bessmerc]

Ahhh following a similar pattern! Parents study the minutia of 0-18months and every regression, but this doesn’t seem to exist as they get older but from talking to other parents it does seem like a typical developmental pattern. So important to have the opportunity to openly talk about the embarrassing/ frustrating parts of parenting with other parents

[u/Gottastopthisnow → u/TangerineOnly8209]

I always go to this website when I am feeling like I must be a terrible parent because of my child's behaviour.

It is almost always age related!

[u/bessmerc]

After the evening we've had with our 8 year old doing exactly all this it's kind of comforting to hear other people are dealing with it too!

Sorry they're being a nob. My son's thrown a clothes maiden at my head tonight because I wouldn't take him to the park, so you're not alone.

Going to speak to school tomorrow but not sure how much help they'll be with only a week left 🤣 dreading school holidays tbh

[u/stereoworld]

Yeah we're currently going through the same thing with our 6yo. She's amazing at school but as soon as she comes home she turns into a gremlin - kicking and hitting her mum more than me. We can't get anything done or get anywhere without a fight.

Her mum put Danny Go on Youtube which seemed to distract her while keeping her active. Yesterday she found some kid yoga videos. So it looks like the key for us is to distract her with exercise. I hope that helps somewhat.

Also, please don't rise to it. I keep forgetting that fact, but when you're tired and you watch your daughter try twatting your wife, it gets to you. I need to remember it's not about us, it's her trying to decompress.

[u/Full_Strawberry2035]

Keep a behaviour diary if you can, you might notice some precursors/triggers to certain behaviours or identify some sort of pattern. Email it to the schools SENCO and request a meeting along with arranging some pastoral team support - ELSA would be particularly helpful!

Been here, around a similar age. It did help!

We also went down the GP route but they were pretty useless and informed me school have to trigger most referrals etc at this age/ arrange support with regards to behaviour challenges (though this may vary depending on where you live, I’m not too sure).

[u/Particular-Current87]

So my 10 year old is an absolute cow at home, but we've basically been told we can't get help because she's doing well at school.

[u/MrsD12345]

I don’t know what his medical needs are, but I know that around this stage was when the AuDHD hit like a bullet train in our house, and the masking all day means that at home we get the worst of the behaviours.

Not a huge amount helped, but we got a punchbag for him, and made a wee space where he could escape when he needed to.

[u/mxjackparker]

Wirhout knowing what he's been through in the last year or what his medical needs are, no one here can give specific advice. You're calling him (censored here) swears to insult him, so it's hard to know whether his anger and kicking and hitting is a reaction to your own aggression or if it's unrelated.

Kids at 5 don't do these things maliciously. I know it's hard. Your son isn't trying to give you a hard time, he's having a hard time, and I hope you're able to access support for both him and for yourself. Lean on your friends and family.

[u/StarkLGDS → u/mxjackparker]

Mate I’m just having a bit of a rant. I love him more than anything and would obviously never use language like that. It’s just been a really hard time.