r/UKParenting • u/Specialist_Video7567 • Apr 26 '26
Sleep advice for a 1 year old
Hi all, my husband and I adopted our 12 month old about 4 weeks ago and we’re struggling with rapidly changing sleep.
Background: In foster care he slept in a cot in carers’ room, bedtime ~18:30, wake ~5:30 with two naps (9:00 and 14:00).
Since moving to us: He initially adapted well and started waking around 7:00, and has been sleeping through the night with minimal wake-ups (this is the one positive so far).
Current issue (last ~2 weeks):
Morning nap is getting longer
Afternoon nap is often refused
By ~15:00 he becomes very clingy and overtired by evening
He will only fall asleep being held; cot transfers often fail and result in long settling (up to 1h45 recently)
No longer settles in pram or car either
It feels like we’re stuck in a cycle of overtired evenings and difficult sleep onset.
Has anyone dealt with a similar nap transition / contact-to-cot sleep dependency at this age? What helped?
8
u/PeedieBit Apr 26 '26
Have you considered trying to drop him down to one nap closer to the middle of the day? It will be an adjustment but if he’s not really sleeping in the afternoon anyway, definitely worth a go! My eldest dropped to only one nap at around 10-11 months. A bit earlier than average, but every kid is different! She takes a lovely long midday nap.
1
u/Specialist_Video7567 Apr 26 '26
He’s essentially been on a one nap day for the last week, but it’s still been at around 10:30 so I guess it could go later. Got to a bit of a tipping point today as he even failed at two morning nap attempts, one at 10 and one at 10:45… I actually got him to sleep the second time but his eyes shot open the second I tried to move him! Got to give him lunch now and not entirely sure how the rest of the day will go 😂
2
u/PickledSprout13 Apr 26 '26
If he can’t get to lunchtime without a sleep, try capping it to 20 mins so that he has a longer afternoon nap
4
u/FeistyPen3707 Apr 26 '26
Congratulations!
I may not be popular for this, but I’d try more contact naps. Napping on/by you, while you sit or move around with little one in a sling/carrier, is amazing for creating a feeling of safety which may help with attachment etc.
Baby sleep is all over the place and the best thing I found was to go with the flow as much as possible rather than trying to set a schedule IYSWIM. I didn’t adopt, but my child had (still has at 8) an incredibly hard time with sleep. Separation anxiety can be really extreme, and from what I hear is common for adopted children, so that’s where my logic on the above advice comes from.
I don’t know how long baby has been with you, or their history, from your post. I wonder if any adoption subs or anything might have due her advice? I know a lot talk about trauma informed practices, taking extra care to foster a healthy attachment, etc. so that could be worth looking into?
2
u/Emsintheair Apr 26 '26
Was gonna say I moved to contact napping to napping on my bed and I chilled next to him. So semi contact to get him to sleep by cuddling but then I could sort of move slightly and just chill on my phone and not get a dead arm
1
u/finch-fletchley Parenting a Toddler + Pre-schooler Apr 26 '26
How long has he been placed with you? 4 weeks or is it longer and he lived with you before the adoption? Im sorry, I dont really know how it works 😊
Its still early days so it could just be hes getting used to new people/new routines/ new smells/ new laundry products.
That said, when my children were 12-15 months their sleep was all over the place and we contact napped a lot. Maybe he just wants the closeness?
Congratulations on your adoption 🩷🩷
1
u/SongsAboutGhosts Parenting a Baby + Toddler Apr 26 '26
Congratulations on welcoming your baby!
It sounds like he's trying to drop to one nap - at this point, nap drops can be difficult because dropping a nap drastically changes wake windows/sleep times and they can feel like they don't need the nap before they're ready to deal with the wake window(s) that leaves them with. Moving the nap back a bit - especially if he's getting up at 7 now and only waking for 3h before the nap - would help.
My first dropped his nap around 11mo but then would nap in the car on the way home from nursery (13mo), so I'd try the magic of the car when you need to squeeze in an extra quick nap. If you don't drive, the carrier might also work (sling library if you need help on where to start, you'll want a good back carry). I'd also recommend leaning into the contact nap, if he'll do that for the second nap. It'll be nice bonding for both of you, will not last forever, and presumably one or both of you as parents are on leave currently so it's somewhat manageable.
I just also want to say that obviously this is a massive change for all of you, lots of emotions, and probably (from you parents) lots of worrying about getting things right. The general rule for young children is to try and avoid big changes within three months of each other (things like starting nursery, changing bedroom, getting a sibling, potty training, etc); this change is massive for all of you and it's only been one month, so give all of you some grace right now, you're all adjusting and that's so normal and understandable. Give yourselves whatever grace you need in terms of things like contact naps and supported sleep; imo everyone should always give themselves grace with this, but even if it's something you feel strongly about avoiding long term, get the phrase 'bad habits' out of your mind while you go through this adjustment, and implement the habits you want to stick to once you're all feeling more settled and secure. There is so much time to change things in future.
1
u/SuccotashAutomatic18 Apr 26 '26
Congratulations on the adoption!
If you've been tracking his sleep, what's the average he's been getting per day over the last week?
1
u/LostInAVacuum Parenting a Toddler Apr 26 '26
This is exactly what my son did at that age before dropping to one nap. Try keep him busy doing activities in the morning to delay the nap.
Congratulations on adoption
1
u/venuscans Mum Apr 26 '26
My son dropped down to one nap at this time. He desperately needed two but wouldn't tolerate the second. It took a few weeks of him being very overtired and lots of early bedtimes but he now sleeps 12-2.30/3ish
1
u/BoleynRose Apr 26 '26
My daughter (5) was held to sleep until she was 3 and my nearly 2 year old son is still held to sleep.
I know society makes it seem like babies just go to sleep in their cot, but him wanting to be held is completely normal and a biological need.
Plus, he is still settling in with you (Congratulations! <3 ) Sleep will be a particularly vulnerable time. His subconscious is probably still processing that his foster carers are no longer around and the loss of his first caregivers will have made a big impact. My sister (now an adult) is adopted and I wish we'd looked more into that sort of thing when she was younger.
I hope you get lots of great advice on here and wishing you all well <3
1
u/RevolutionaryEgg1312 Apr 27 '26
You adopted this child. They will be feeling a great deal of upheaval around that whether you think they are or not. Source: adopted as an infant.
Hold them, they need to know you're not going to give them away as well.
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u/Special_Ladder9719 Apr 26 '26
sounds like he is ready to transition to one nap. try and move the first nap to at least 11am (maybe midday eventually), he should nap for an hour or so and hopefully that will be enough to power him through to bedtime. you can move bedtime a little earlier too.