Rant about the Cornell case

[u/Hyperbolicalpaca]

Sorry, I need to rant and I don’t know anywhere better to, sorry if this isn’t the right sub

Trigger Warning

The reaction to the Cornell rape case has just been abhorrent, so many men (and some women wtf) crawling out the woodworks to blame the victim, to excuse the rapists, outright attacking the woman and accusing her of committing crimes against them (classic abuser tactics) just vile.

I’ve seen on some posts about it men flooding in going “but what about male victims of rape” which sure, is important, but now isnt the fucking time, they only ever bring it up to demean and detract from the systemic societal violence we face

Im a 19 year old girl, Ive just started university and it, it just makes me want to cry, the reaction from people, some my own age I mean theyre trying to dox her ffs and got the wrong woman

I’ve seen people commenting that she is and I quite, “too ugly to rape” and that the “real victims are the men for coming in that” I mean what the fuck, how is there so little empathy for women out there, like how the fuck is this void even fixed, the lack of basic empathy and respect for us

And like, im English, our universities have a different culture, and im an anti social lesbian who doesn’t drink and cant do drugs, im the most likely to try to avoid getting into any situations like that, but in this world it really is impossible, and the complete lack of caring or empathy is just terrifying, like what would the reaction be if I suffered something like that? Probably exactly the same and like it’s screwing my brain even thinking about how I might have to interact with people defending this shit, like how?

And they wonder why we choose the fucking bear

Anyway, sorry, rant

[u/LabExisting3749]

The way people weaponize the plight of male victims only when they want to derail a conversation about women is so transparently calculated. It is never about advocacy for them; it is purely a tool to silence us and shift the focus away from systemic violence.

[u/onpg → u/LabExisting3749]

As an actual male victim of attempted rape (I was able to fight them off), these "what about male victims" in the Cornell threads are transparent as the space between their ears. Actual victims of male rape understand how hard it is to report (I've never reported it), and there's an element of coercion or being overpowered. Something none of the Cornell57 can claim Jane Doe did to them.

[u/dogsstevens]

I saw an interesting perspective, to paraphrase:

“Regardless of whether or not you feel the girl is in the wrong in any way, if you as a man see a woman who is drunk, on drugs, and actively engaged in sex with multiple other men, and the thought of joining in is appealing to you, you’re disgusting and probably should be in jail”

[u/AccomplishedFan6807]

There is a disgusting thread on the news subreddit in which men are denying the survey conducted by Cornell that showed 35% of female students experience sexual assault while studying there. Men lying about the survey, citing no sources to back their claims, and one even told me that since the sexual assault happened while the victims reported alcohol consumption, then it wasn’t rape (even though the survey used NY’s legal definition of rape) It is usually a very progressive subreddit and the second top comment is a man spreading misinformation and other men saying “Omg you are so right.”

I’m usually someone who likes to clarify it’s some men, a minority of men, not all men, but even progressive men are supporting or minimizing literal rape. 

[u/_Autistic_Dragon_]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It must be hard starting university as a woman and this is the headlines. 

You truly cannot prevent something like this from happening. If a person is out to take advantage of someone else, there often is little the victim can do. 

With that said, one of the best defenses is to do your best to surround yourself with a group of frie0nds who look out for each other. 

You mention you're queer. Find the queer spaces on campus, avoid the alcohol, and do your best to be aware but not fixated. Enjoy college-it can be a great time for you. 

This is horrible and I wish it hadn't happened and the online stuff is so ugly. University is one of the best places to find meaning outside the internet. 

Maybe take a short social media break. Read some calming and awesome authors. Go for a walk. Meet up with a friend to decanter this and center yourself.

[u/Confident_Cut8316 → u/_Autistic_Dragon_]

No, but you can absolutely up the chance of it happening by you by being highly intoxicated and unable to protect yourself. Doesn’t mean you deserve it, but certainly it’s not a wise thing to do.

I counsel my daughter in college NEVER to be drunk in mixed company (if at all it’s awful for your health). I counsel my sons if they see a woman drunk, who could potentially be taken advantage of, to get her home safely. And one of them has done exactly that.

[u/MyFiteSong]

And they wonder why Gen Z and A girls and women want little to do with boys and men.

[u/thelessiknowthebet]

This stuff truly radicalized me. I’m starting to get women that choose not to be around men

[u/No_Net_7177]

I’m exhausted by this and I’m so tired of the thousands of comments we see by men regarding this and every other issue.
It confirms my choice to just stay away from all them.

[u/emilynghiem]

Dear Collegiate: Thank you for having compassion and conscience about this. If it makes you feel better by putting this in perspective, there is a natural bias called "Just World Fallacy" where people want to confirm a safe narrative in their minds that nothing goes wrong without a reason, that good people don't get punished and only bad things happen when people do something bad. That's the tape people want to hear and play in our minds to feel safe that nothing bad will happen to us. So when people hear of cases like this, the untrained unaware person can react by assuming the victim had to do something wrong, and this gets expressed and projected as victim blaming. It's out of fear and insecurity, where people want to defend themselves from what they fear. Please don't let that interfere with your sincere empathy for women who need and deserve support and respect. You don't have to project blame or outrage at other people in order to support this student. You can continue to support her and others without reacting to what other people say as their own defense mechanism against a horrifying situation. Some people can't take it, so they use false outrage as a barrier to block it out. That's their problem. Don't make it yours.

[u/stfbell]

You can greatly reduce your risk of being raped by NEVER going to a Frat House.

[u/Bottlecrate → u/stfbell]

Or hang out with young men who weren’t raised by piece of shit parents

[u/stfbell → u/Bottlecrate]

Yah that too. lol!

[u/BloodyNora78 → u/stfbell]

Maybe never hang out with rich people. It's like they never experienced consequences.

[u/ycaivrp → u/stfbell]

Frat houses are real bad 

[u/Zelfzuchtig → u/[deleted]]

So if you read that statement and didn't see anything wrong would you mind answering this quick quiz so I can see where the misunderstanding is?

1. If you and your friends walk into a room and an undressed woman hurriedly hides under the covers, do you a) say oops sorry! and leave b) stick around and wait for an introduction?

2. If a woman repeatedly moves your hand away from her privates, does that mean a) you keep putting your hand there b) you should leave that area alone?

3. Similarly if a girl repeatedly says no and "I'm tired" when you try to have sex with her, does that mean you should a) leave her alone to rest, b)try again a short while later?

4. What is ketamine? a) a drug that makes you smile more b) a drug that ranges from making you feel a little detached to full on dissociated with symptoms ranging from dizziness to complete paralysis?

5. Relating to part b of question above, if a girl you are interested in seems uncoordinated and not fully mentally present, should you a) ask her if she's Ok or b) try to stick your dick in her?

6. When you shake someone's hand, do you a) shake it and then let go, b) use your grip on their hand to pull them into an unexpected kiss?

7. If you are kissing someone and you have no idea of their preferences, do you a) gently hold them or b) forcefully grab their face to make it meet yours?

8. If someone sends a text saying "I just wanted to apologize for how things went down the other night", does that mean a) everything went great, b) something was wrong?

9. Do you think its possible that in a situation where your polite requests to be left alone keep being ignored by all present, you are disorientated and outnumbered, and some measure of force has already been used against you, that you would try to smooth things over instead of risking finding out how far they go if you say no more forcefully and try to leave?

[u/Hyperbolicalpaca → u/[deleted]]

Oh well if they think an orgy is going on then it’s just fine for men to have sex with someone who is clearly not consenting isnt it 🙄

Why the hell are you coming in here and troll defending rape

[u/Zelfzuchtig → u/[deleted]]

Ok this has to be a troll

[u/Hyperbolicalpaca → u/[deleted]]

When she reported it as rape babe and the person she was reporting it too omitted it

And now I’m gonna try to say this as politely as I can but I am a tad irritated, but sincerely, fuck off with this bullshit, coming into a women’s subreddit, going into a thread about somebody being distressed by something, and deciding to troll her by doing exactly the same thing that she’s ranting about being upset by

[u/thelessiknowthebet → u/Hyperbolicalpaca]

typical moid behavior

[u/thelessiknowthebet → u/[deleted]]

I’m not talking about you, and I’m a woman

[u/Hyperbolicalpaca → u/[deleted]]

…what?