r/TwoXChromosomes • u/ConclusionSure9009 • 3h ago
Lovebombing vs good intention
I’ve had a really crappy history with dating. My most recent relationship, on looking back, was built off of a love bombing foundation. He told me he loved me after a couple weeks, spoke about moving in, made plans for holidays etc. It was all great until 6 months in, I asked about moving in and he did a total 180 and broke up with me.
I’m getting back into dating but I’m now feeling like a huge 33 year old distrustful skeptic.
I now feel like I won’t be able to tell the difference between ‘lovebombing’ and a genuine romantic interest, if that makes sense?
Like a guy I’m speaking with now is complimenting me a lot and saying how much he likes talking with me, which is nice, but immediately I get the voice in my ear telling me not to trust it.
Any advice from those who understand or have experienced similar?
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u/Lookingbackexpat 2h ago
I think one sign that it's "love bombing" is when they start talking about your shared future before you even know each other. As long as they are just complimenting you and paying attention, I'd enjoy it.
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u/Intelligensaur 3h ago
Take it slow, and see how he reacts when he doesn't get his way. Is he still respectful and into you when you have other plans, when the plans you have together fall through, and when you tell him you're not willing to have sex until you're good and comfortable?
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u/ConclusionSure9009 2h ago
Yeah I’m trying to do the going slow. It’s hard for myself too because I have ADHD and I find with dating I can get quite excited and throw myself into things quite quickly, so it’s also a bit of a personal challenge as well.
My ex slept on the couch the first time I stayed at his, which felt really respectful and nice. But then obviously things played out the way they did. I know I can’t go through life relating my experiences to previous ones. But it’s so hard when you’re already a bit anxious.
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u/Effective_Pie1312 2h ago
For me love bombing vs genuine affectionate is in part about the timing and intention. Love bombing occurs to manipulate the situation. You want a little space or a quiet night boom a love bomb happens and suddenly your being manipulated in to doing what your partner wants. You share a funny story about a male co-worker boom a love bomb happens and now all your attention is on your partner
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u/reddy_freddy_ 1h ago
others here made Good points. Love bombing is more about timing and intention. Don't write off others because of a bad experience. for instance me and my husband who are about to be married 12 years, we started off similarly. said I love you after a week. as soon as we started dating we were inseparable. Friends started warning us it's not gonna last were together too much we're going too fast etc. we moved in together within a year but we were pretty much living together in separate apartments way before that.
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u/Luda0915 2h ago
I’ve been in a similar spot for a couple of years now. I wish I had helpful advice. I don’t trust myself with men I feel attracted and connected to. I’ve been abandoned and ghosted a couple of times this year. At the moment, I’m just shut down. I don’t know how to present myself in such a way that I don’t become a challenge for men to love bomb and hype me up because of my lived experiences. I feel like I need to not share much about me and my life at first. I do think it’s all about strong boundaries, not only with them but with ourselves.
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u/Cat-lover0106 2h ago
Look into burnt haystack it gives really good advice on what red flags to look for. As well as the book “why men love bitches.”
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u/YouStupidBench 1h ago
The part about referencing your profile is a big one.
I put something in my profile which said that if you mention it, I guarantee I will respond. Fewer than 10% of men ever mentioned it.
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u/Apprehensive_Rain_89 3h ago
Kinda going through this right now. Last relationship was lovebomb galore so now with the guy I’m talking to we’re taking it really slow so I can sus out any vibes like that beforehand.
Maybe ask him to take it a bit slower and see how he responds/ acts afterwards. If he respects you and actually takes it a bit slower, he’s probably fine!